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  1.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    I have been thinking for a while that I don't want SIL as a bridesmaid any more (I know my fault for asking so early). I thought it would help build our relationship as we have never had a good one so thought it might make her more pleasant towards me and OH.
    She hasn't changed one bit and its now got to the point where I am not doing it anymore and am not feeling like I need to make an effort for weddings sake. She is just downright rude to us. She called home and I answered the phone and the first words our her mouth were "Where's Mom?" in a tone to sound that she was disgusted that anyone but her mother had answered. Same evening when they all get home, I am holding the dog by the stairs so they can all get in and her first words to me are "I need to get there" there is never a hello or a please or anything and it is just down right rude.

    That night I had had enough and said to OH that the next time she is rude or disrespectful to either of us that we should just tell her that that's it she is no longer a bridesmaid. But I have since been thinking that I should at least give her the opportunity to change so to say to her that if she ever speaks/treats either of us like that again then she will be out. at least then she has had a fair warning.
    I said to MIL a week or so ago that she was close to not being bridesmaid any longer and she didn't flinch. She knows her daughter is a spoilt b**ch but wont do anything about it. she is 20 years old but still throws tantrums and ends up getting what she wanted. Once MIL stopped cooking what she was doing and started something else because she didn't want what she was doing.

    What would you do
    1. Sack on spot?
    2. Give option to change?

    We don't think she will ever change so am 90% sure that either way she wont be BM but really not sure how to play it.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  2.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    I would discuss it with her first and give her the opportunity to right her ways. If she has always been that way then it's probable that she won't change, but I think it would be the best thing to do to speak to her about it first.

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  3.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    Urgh. Was hoping you wouldn't say that lol! But I agree. It means she cant then come back at us because she has had a warning and then its up to her. Like I say I will be completely surprised if she does change but we'll see

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  4.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    Exactly. I just think you'd be the bigger person if you at least gave her a chance, even if you know she won't take it! At least nothing can come back at you x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  5.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    As above, you've got a couple of years until your big day, and I think that gives you a chance just to have that one conversation that is needed. I would want to know why somebody has a spikey attitude towards me. I could guess why she is doing it, but I think asking her outright would be the best thing. You may not get an honest response, but it would be a firm shot across her boughs in saying you won't accept being ill treated or pushed around. It also puts you in an easier position if you need to tell her she won't be a part of the bridal party. That said, she may completely surprise you and be so sorry, and it may be a turnaround, who knows.
  6.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    It would be nice to think she would change but we had words before when she said something that upset me to the point that I threatened not to step foot in the house if she was there as wanted nothing to do with her and her apology for that was shocking. And nothing has changed since then. I will give her the warning but next time she says/does something that's it

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  7.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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      edited
     
    Sorry if I have misunderstood but do you live with mil and sil? Brave! I would def say speak to her and say that if she wants to be a bridesmaid then she should be respectful to you and if she isn't bothered then thats fine with you- when you asked her was she excited or not really bothered?

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  8.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2015
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    Now knowing you've already previously warned her, and she has said horrible things, I don't think I'd be giving her another chance. People like that feed off people giving in to them. The harsh words spoilt and brat spring to mind. As nothing has changed since you last had words with her, it would be an easy decision for me not to have her as a BM
  9.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2015
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    Give her a final chance, one more foot wrong then sack her.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  10.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2015
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    She sounds horrible though.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  11.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 5th 2015
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    Michelle, yes we live one week at my parents and one week at his parents so we do live with them MIL and FIL are lovely though. I text FIL more than I do my dad! its just her. your choice of words are very polite :)

    Claire, it was a while ago. but no. Things changed for a short while but nothing really.

    I haven't seen her this weekend since so haven't had the opportunity. will wait until next week

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  12.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 5th 2015
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    Lol- as I work in HR I'm used to choosing the right words! In reality it would be listen bitch you either want to be bridesmaid or you don't, if you do, stop being a brat and if not then tell me and do one ....!

    Not sure I could cope living 1 weeks at one house and one at the other- but fair play to you :-) xxx

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  13.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 6th 2015
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    It is really tough but there isn't room for all our stuff at either house so no way we could move into one place. Really cant wait until we get our own house :)

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    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
 
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