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  1.  
    • LisaG56
      CommentAuthorLisaG56
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
     
    #Memberrequest

    Hi, I've got two issues with my future mum in law. One is with our guest list she wants to invite her friends to our wedding. We are already at our maximum number without the additions with our family and have been unable to invite some of our own friends. These friends of my mother in law are friends that last spoke to my h2b over 3 years ago and whom I have never met. I will add now that she has not paid a penny towards this wedding we have paid with a little help from my dad. She has also already told these friends they are coming and has reserved them a room at our venue. Also we are getting married in Scotland as this is where my h2b is from and my family are spread out across the uk and abroad. The hotel we have chosen has a certain amount of rooms for us and she booked all of them for her Scottish family. My h2b and I have now cancelled the rooms and it is first come first serve but our invites have politely reminded everyone that there are people travelling some distance. It was that bad my dad (who has actually put money into our wedding) and is travelling from the Middle East where he is currently working was unable to book a room. We have tried discussing it but she threw us out of her house and threatened not coming to the wedding. It is that bad that she is now refusing to talk to her son and he her but keeps sending me fb messages telling me how much he is in the wrong and it is all his fault. I want peace on our wedding day which is fast approaching but not sure how to handle the situation. Any advice would be appreciated.
  2.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi Lisa,

    First off I am really sorry that you have found yourself in a situation like this with your MIL. :(

    It seems to me like she wants to gain some sort of control over your wedding but I could be wrong, however I do believe that she is overreacting on the whole situation. In regards to her friends you should explain that it is your wedding not hers and you get the final say on the guest list, you could always say that with the greatest respect you want to keep it too close family and even some of your friends are missing out.

    The booking of hotel rooms was completely unacceptable, like you said it is on a first come first serve basis and with people traveling longer distances, personally I would reserve the rooms for them.

    The fact that she is threatening not coming to the wedding shows that she is being a child as she can't get her own way, I would give her some time and then sit down together maybe in a neutral space and talk it all over, explain how important she is but kindly remind her it is your day and she will be asked for advice and help when it is needed but all this meddling is putting unnecessary stress on you and h2b.

    Hopefully she will soon realise just what she has done, I'm sure you wouldn't want her to miss out on such a big occasion.

    I hope this helps :)
  3.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Lisa, This sounds awful, I can fully understand how you are feeling. Are you at complete occupancy to the venue where no more can fit whatsoever or have you just filled your all inclusive package? if there is room outside of the all inclusive I would suggest that if it was costs that is the issue, you tell MIL that her friends can come if she is willing to pay the extra to have them in attendance. If it is that you have fully maxed the venue then give her the list (excluding friends) and ask her who should be cut to make space for her friends, she might not be so keen if she is to blame for cutting people out.

    I agree with above, people who need the hotel more should have been thought about first, I would have cancelled the rooms.

    I am sure MIl will be at your wedding, she wouldnt kick up such a fuss and then not attend surely? Again I agree with above, give her some time to vent, go out for dinner/coffee and speak about it and let her knpw it's not your being selfish but family comes before her friends and it is after all your wedding.

    I hope this managed to sort itself out x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  4.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Nicole, love your idea about asking her who to cut to allow her friends to come!!

    Sounds like MIL is just trying to make it about her a bit and turn it into a party for her.
    Just stand your ground and explain that you aren't inviting people you really want there so if there was any spare space then they would be at the top of the list.
    As for her threatening not to come, that sounds like an attention seeking drive to me to get you to feel guilty and give in to her. Surely she knows other family there so wont be on her own

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  5.  
    • LisaG56
      CommentAuthorLisaG56
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
     
    Thank you so much for the advice ladies. I will try speaking with her again when emotions have calmed. Fingers crossed we can get there. Although I have now reserved rooms for those coming from abroad as I think it is only fair to them.

    Hope all your weddings are stress free xxx
  6.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Lisa I'm not sure there is such a thing as a stress free wedding! even if you go small to keep stress low you know somebody will be complaining that the wedding is too small. there is no winning until the day I don't think :')

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  7.  
    • brilly
      CommentAuthorbrilly
      Got married 17 months ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    So sorry you are going through all of this Lisa, It seems as most have said that your mother in law is trying to make it about her, I would let it calm down then remind her it is YOURS and your h2b's day not hers. If she spits her dummy out about coming just tell her that is fine and you will reserve her place for a family member or friend who wasnt able to come because you couldnt fit them in the budget. I am sure she will sharp realize she is cutting her own nose off to spite her own face. I agree also about the rooms she had no right what so ever booking the rooms and good on you for having them cancelled, as you rightly said first come first served. Hopefully she will come to realize she is being way over the top and acting like a spoilt child and remember its not about her or anyone else its about you and your h2b xx

    31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
    Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018

  8.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    good luck lisa, i can't add any extra advice than what you have been given already x

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  9.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
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    What a nightmare MIl! I can't add anything else either but really hope she realises how controlling she is being and wises up!

    Members signature icon



  10.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It's really rude of her to do that. Don't think you should go saying like "Hey, you don't have a say, this is my wedding", but let her know that you want a small wedding, and that even your close friends have been left out because of your budget. Hope everything goes well.
  11.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh god she sounds awful, I am sorry to hear you are having issues! Just do not send these people invites, if they turn up and waste money on a room then that is their issue not yours. We had a similar issue with MIL wanting to invite her friends, and we were like this is our wedding not yours. then we got the 'well traditionally....' shouting at. It is not the 1950's. Yes they contributed a little (paid the photog) and boy were we not allowed to forget it. i actually said I wanted to pay them back but hubby is stubborn and said no they offered to help it shouldnt come with strings. Which is correct!! My mum contributed substantially more than they did and didn't make any demands whatsoever. She just wanted to help. Both offers were greatly appreciated (MIL was at the time, but oh goodness did it become a burden lol) Anyway, TL;DR. We pretty much just said they are not inviting all their friends (didn't even think she had any anyway) as their side of the family had taken up about 70% of the guest list as it was. That little nugget didn't go down well with them either. Not spoken to them since the weddign day, I could go on and on.

    good on you for standing your ground though, I know how hard it is! Let her have her sulk, and make her threats ( we had those too - she turned up but sulked the whole day, she was desperate to try to ruin it, and sulked more when she noticed we werent pandering to her sulking, we just partied hard and had a most excellent time!)

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  12.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 6th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i honestly cannot imagine a grown adult sulking to try and ruin one of the most magical days of your life! I don't wish to offend but that is incredibly selfish! I'm not sure how a lot of you ladies get through it, stronger women than me I must say x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  13.  
    • LisaG56
      CommentAuthorLisaG56
      Posted: Jul 6th 2016
     
    Thank you again ladies for the support and advice. I was beginning to feel like I was in the wrong but it is simply space won't allow. I do hope she doesn't try and spoil the actual wedding day. I hope her and my h2b will also be able to sort out there differences before the wedding day but I know a lot of his is protecting me because of the way they treated me when I tried to discuss why we couldn't invite their friends. I was actually told that I should cancel having my god
    Mother there just to make room for them.

    I will try and talk again when things have calmed down.

    Best wishes to you all. Xx
  14.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 6th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Goodness, so sorry to read this, how awful. i can't add anything that the lovely brides haven't already said but just wanted to wish you luck in speaking to her when you do xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

 
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