FREE Wedding Table Planner

+ FREE Wedding Budget Planner and more wedding planning tools

Join now free to use

Wedding Forum - How far is too far??...

Not signed in (Sign In)

UKbride Supermarket


* Discount available to Power Users only. Terms and conditions apply. more

  1.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have FINALLY found a venue that I love, and has everything I'm looking for. It's the only one that I've really liked that actually falls within budget, as I'm a really fussy person. Everything about it is PERFECT..apart from one thing..it's 3 hours away from our hometown!
    I'm thinking of all different ways to approach this, as FH said that he doesn't want our guests to travel more than 2 hours, but I'm not sure, and having a right old wobble!
    I'm trying to get quotes from Coach companies for a luxury coach that isn't too expensive, but I've just got a quote of £20 pp per way, so would have to look at less luxurious coaches.. so maybe we can arrange that and guests pay a small amount to book themselves a seat, and then we could maybe top up the rest as a goodwill gesture?
    I'm finding it hard, as I don't want to put a lot of financial strain on our guests, especially as we've already made the controversial decision to not have children (apart from the small bridal party), so we know that it would mean staying overnight for a lot of guests, so we have to factor in Childcare costs for them if they don't have any relatives who are able to have them, and originally we were only going to be inviting couples to the day if we both knew them really well, otherwise their spouses could come in the evening, but now if we do this, we would have to reconsider, but because it falls within budget, it shouldn't be too hard to add them until it reaches room capacity (120) And where does is stand with evening guests? I don't want them having to travel 3 hours just to be there for a few hours in the evening?! I feel like I'm breaking every Wedding etiquette rule out there, which I hate, as I'm quite a people-pleaser, so this is really hard for me. But on the flip side, I've contacted at least 75 venues and visited quite a few, and this is the only one that I feel could be 'the One'..I promise you I'm not a horribly selfish person, but I know what I like, and I have had to compromise on SO much already, that my bratty side wants to stomp her foot and just have her own way, but the mature side of me tells me to try my best to forget about it and just settle! I've been actively looking for 10 months now, I get brochures through the post or email at least twice daily! Just nowhere had that 'feeling' and worked out to be affordable! HELP! X
  2.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    hi

    iv been to a wedding where we contributed towards the travel coach and it wasn't an issue and we got a room at the hotel for the night so i don't think your guests will mind on that side but i can see evening guest who aren't staying maybe declining your invite just because the cost of 6 hrs petrol there and home is a lot of driving in one day and you have the fear of guests leaving quite early to make a start on the journey home.
    if its your dream venue don't settle for less, do what your heart is telling you to do- maybe work out people you know will stay and get the coach etc and see if you are happy with that number at the wedding and any extra is a bonus who are willing to drive that far.

    plus its your big day!! if they are real friends they will travel for you.

    don't lose your dream venue hun

    xxx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  3.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    That's what I would do too! I was thinking for the evening guests, arranging a coach for them too, and arranging in advance who was staying the night and who would be returning home on the evening so that we could arrange suitable transport for them home again, as I absolutely do not want somebody to drive if they have had a single drink.
    The venue does say that it can extend the alcohol and venue licence by an extra hour and a half if necessary, so we could be looking at a finish time of half 1 for the hardcore parties, which gives the evening guests a good 6.5 hours of evening reception if they wished to stay at a nearby hotel.
    Thank you for your advice, I really needed to hear it, as all I can think of is the negative reaction I know I'll get from some guests (not my family though, as it's coincidentally much closer to where they all live!) ':-)'
  4.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    To be honest I wouldn't travel 3 hours there and back if I was just an evening guest. At the end of the day its your day and you should have what you want but you should probably be prepared that travelling that far (especially if they can't bring their kids) might mean that quite a few of the people you invite might decline. Just work out if all the people you really want to be their will be able to go and then make your decision from there.
  5.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yer, my friend who is a Wedding planner said that to me, but her opinion differs from mine.
    I'm thinking of testing the waters with each guest on our A list before we even think of booking it, and asking their opinion on whether or not they would be willing to travel all of that way for us. I probably wouldn't book it if our best friends said no, but some other people it wouldn't be as huge a loss, such as some family who we haven't seen in about a year.
    In your opinion, would you be willing to stay up there if the Couple arranged for you to stay in cheap accommodation, like a travelodge, and then had everyone picked up at one place the next day to be taken back to your hometown? Or would the Childcare issue be too much combined with the long journey?
    It's so tough, I wish I wasn't so picky! It's a curse! X
  6.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think if it was my close friend or family...or at least a good friend I would definitely make the effort if I was invited to the whole thing. I don't have kids so I don't know if it would bother me or not - probably not if I could find someone willing to look after them although if I was away overnight it would have to be a relative. So the problem starts when you are inviting people and also inviting the people they might ask to babysit.

    I think to be honest with the evening do if maybe there was a group of us going out of our friends or we could make a weekend out of it we might consider it but i still think its a long way to go when you won't even get to see the couple get married, speeches etc.

    Is there no way you can perhaps have all your guests to the whole day? Or perhaps reconsider the no-children policy? I'm not having children at my wedding but we are getting married locally so its not really a problem for those with children.

    Also I know you were saying you have looked at a lot of venues but what about looking at some of the closer options that you have ruled out as out of your price range and seeing if they can give you a good deal? It might work out not that much more money when you consider hiring a coach, having to get to and from this far away venue and how much it will cost you in petrol. Plus you will have to deal with the added stress of finding local suppliers to your venue (which you will probably want to travel up to meet) if not then you will have to pay a supplement to the suppliers for them to travel eg photographer florist...just some thoughts :)
  7.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      BadgeBadge
     
    We r havin troube with people making it from 20mile never mind 3 hours lol! Weve had to pick reception venue halfway inbetween just to keep faces straight i already had 1 saying well your friends r there his r here... yes but we live here so thsts y the wedding is here!
    Tbh tho i wouldnt chip in(your wedding your choice not mine and mainly cos moneys too tight for us rly) and i wouldnt drive that far just for an evening. Any of my guests who have to travel that far are there all day and we r havimg no children outside wedding party exception to guests who have to travel (as they dont live here)

    It depends how bad u want these people to go id choose somewhere closer to home use the coach money etc towards making your night even better.. imagine a coach of 20 people £20 1 way thats 400quid! Both way and u r lookim 800 even if u looked at 15 or 10 per way your still looking at thr least of 400.. that 400 cud go on a better venue closer to home or more food more entertainment etc

    It depends i u can compromise on this perfect venue to have friends there. Or less friends n perfect venue

    Tbh my choice wud be more friends etc xx
  8.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      BadgeBadge
     
    I just saw the no children bit i think if u r expecting people to travel u need to be a bit flexible on this.. like i said amy1 having to travel to us is able to bring children id never expect someone to come that far for us and leave their kids at home, doing that prbably means u womt have many ppl there anyway

    Id definatly look closer to home the money u r spending for travel and accomodation could get u a dream location closer to home

    BUT if it is your absolute dream id say just be prepared to have a smaller wedding than u hoped but then that cud turn out to be your perfect day and night!

    Good luck whatever u decide it id a hard 1 definatly as i say we had to go in the middle just to keep ppl happy lol id dread to think if we picked furher away(which we were looking at and decided against) xx
  9.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I wouldn't travel three hours there and back as an evening guest either even if there was a coach as coaches take longer too, as the driver will have to factor in a stop break plus they only do 60 on motorways so will be way longer than 3 hours. Our venue was 40 minutes away and we thought that was quite far for evening guests for our wedding never mind 3 hours. I think the people with children who are coming to the day will struggle too, I can get babysitters for mine generally for a wedding all day and into the evening but find myself leaving around 9.30 to get back for them so they don't fall asleep at whoevers house they're at ...not many I know would have them overnight while I stay over either so I'd find myself leaving yours at 6 for the 3hr drive back?( not that would say budge on the no children rule though, as we didn't have children except the bridal party,everyone was fine with it but again we were only 40 mins away)
    I think if u love it so much go for it but don't be disappointed if you get a few declines xx

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  10.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I wouldn't have any objection with this if I was a close family member or close friend of the person getting married, but I wouldn't travel a 6 hour round trip if I was just an evening guest. As a day guest I would have no problem chipping in for the coach hire - this would definitely be the best option as like you say, you want your guests to be able to enjoy a drink or two rather than worrying about driving home again!

    It's a touch decision but it's completely up to you. It's not worth sacrificing your happiness for - if you really really want this venue then just go for it and have no regrets. The people who love you most and are closest to you will make the effort, but just be prepared for a lot of people declining your invitation xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  11.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I know :( I'm gutted that the maximum room capacity is 120 for day guests, as because it's so cheap, we could probably afford to have about 150 people there for the whole day, which would make it easier, so if I could invite most people to the day, I absolutely would! I would be willing to change the no children rule for people who absolutely could not make it otherwise, but this would be on an individual basis, as it's not fair on others.
    We looked at ones nearer that we liked that we thought were within budget, then realised that a lot of them were dry hire so had to hire in all the extra bits, or used certain caterers which start about £50+VAT per head! Whereas I found a reputable caterer for this dream venue that would be willing to do our perfect dinner for as little as £30 inc VAT and service etc per head!
    The evening guests are my main worry, as I feel that people who were invited to the whole day would be much more willing to go, but it's a bit much for the Evening guests, so we were considering leaving a lot until they arrived, like cutting the cake, first dance, mother/son dance, dad/daughter dance etc. Also, having little travel packs on the coach for each guest, like a pack of cards, bags of sweets, can of drink, mini bottle of alcohol, etc, just to get them in the party mood?
    The main thing I'm worried about, is the travel over shadowing people's experience of our big day! And *KelBel* you're right! I completely forgot that coaches can only do a maximum of 60MPH! Maybe my FH is right, and I should just forget about it and keep looking..x
  12.  
    • Sammi_with_camera
      CommentAuthorSammi_with_camera
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It's a tricky one, I'd gauge people's reactions as you might be surprised. We are yet to book our venue but we live in buckinghamshire and we would like a castle in scotland. So far all of our friends are very excited and the reaction has been very positive with lots saying we should go for it. Our wedding will be far smaller and only a handful joining for the evening, some of my colleagues work up there. A little easier fir us as we have family and friends all over the place, so choosing somewhere close to an airport was key.
    It is still a consideration to get married locally but we would have family and friends who would have to fly down from scotland!

    Ask around and see what people think. I don't think you would get many evening guests but also consider that people's circumstances might change as you aren't getting married for a while, so that May have an impact on declines you get nearer the time.
  13.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    tbh i think you need to look at venues closer to home ......if we have to travel to a wedding we go the night before and stay over , i definatley wouldn't travel for over 3 hours ( as it would be in a coach by the time you have factored in stops for loo breaks etc ) sat in my outfit .
    I wouldnt go that far at all if i was only an evening guest

  14.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    also you will have to think that the driver will have a cut off point regarding the return trip on the day .... do you really want your guests having to leave about 8 pm .... or they will having to look at accommodation overnight ( and you might have to provide that plus food for the driver too)

  15.  
    • AshleighG14
      CommentAuthorAshleighG14
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If you love it and your h2b agrees, go for it, but don't be disappointed if people say they can't come. 3 hrs is quite a trek and to ask them to chip in to pay travel costs, to have to pay to stay over and to pay a babysitter overnight, It's a lot of expense to attend a wedding. If a lot of your guests have children you may lose some guests, but I'm sure you'll have lots of guests that are willing to put the extra money and effort in and you'll have the day you want. Talk to hubby first though! x
  16.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think I would be happy to travel three hours to a wedding if there was affordable accommodation nearby. I would want to stay over, but would be prepared to pay for that if there was somewhere reasonable. Are you having the ceremony in the same place? Are you inviting evening guests to the ceremony as well? I think if I was evening I would travel if I was going to the ceremony, as long as there was somewhere to go in between times. I might be less likely if it was just the evening do.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  17.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It's in Stowmarket, which is a reasonably big town with quite a bit of accommodation nearby of all different prices, but yes, some of the places are very affordable. Elinor Claire, my FH and I personally don't like big breaks in between ceremony and reception, so I don't think we would offer people the opportunity to come to the ceremony and not the Reception, especially as they would all be held in the same venue, so it would be awkward to turf out the Evening guests, and maybe make them feel less important, when in reality their presence to all day would be great, but the venue just cannot hold over 120!
    I agree with Sammi_with_camera, as somebody I know from our hometown in Eastbourne, got married in Scotland too, and in the pictures it looks like a lot of people from our hometown made the long trip, but again, I imagine they were all-day guests!
    I'll put the venue on the wall if anyone wants to have a look, and see if they think it isn't amazing enough to go for it, as I may just be a bit deluded, but baring in mind that I want an outdoor ceremony, with a barn reception, with pretty gardens..
    Well, one of my friends organises a lot of club nights, and he deals with coach companies that are willing to pick people up as late as 5am if they wish, so I may need to speak to him to see what company he uses.
    The only guests I imagine MAY not come due to Childcare is my FH's cousin's family, as all of the Wife's family lives in the US and all of her husbands family will be invited to the Wedding. Regarding people coming up in a group, we are quite a sociable couple who are always throwing parties, so for the most part, excluding some family members, almost all of our friends have met all of our other friends at different events, so there will not be a single guest who doesn't know anybody at all, and if we've forgotten somebody, and they don't know anyone, we will allow them a plus one. It's roughly an hour away from Stansted, so our family from Scotland could fly in, and I guess people could always car-share if they were staying up, as I understand that £20 is a lot for a family to pay per person. If we did book it, we would be holding a Wedding rehearsal dinner up there for the Bridal party and close family who would be staying up the night before, but if anyone was interested in staying up there the night before, they would too, of course be invited to the hosted Rehearsal dinner..
  18.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It is a really lovely venue, but a 3 hour journey is not something many people are going to be happy doing my coach in wedding outfits. The last wedding I went to was 3 hours from home but that was because we knew the groom and the bride's family are from 3 hours away so was held in her home town. So we travelled up the day before and spent both the night before and night after in a premier inn.

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  19.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I wouldn't want to attend a wedding that's 3 hours away unless I could afford to pay for accommodation the night before and after the wedding. Depending on how close I am to the bride and groom would determine whether I made the effort to attend.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  20.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yer, I completely see your points MrsK2b and InDreamland, especially as most guests would be coming from our hometown, so it's not affecting just a few guests. I know it's hard to pin people's plans down too.. I might speak to some people, and if the majority look troubled about travelling, then I would just decide not to have it there, and try and find some unturned stone in our area! Maybe a new venue will open up in the next 2 years! Haha! X
  21.  
    • HazelM69
      CommentAuthorHazelM69
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have had to travel for almost all of the weddings I have gone to and it's absolutely not a problem, big deal if you have to put some effort into being a guest! People who love you will be happy to travel and if someone offered a coach I would think they were going above and beyond!! In reality few people have both families etc all in one place is I am from derbyshire my OH family live in Somerset......
  22.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think it is different when there is family further afield, but when the venue is 3hours away and the bridal party have no connection to the location that's when I would find it a bit more of a struggle to travel personally.

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  23.  
    • thefuture:Mrs_Hurren
      CommentAuthorthefuture:Mrs_Hurren
      BadgeBadge
     
    All of my family live 3 hours away from me and where we are holding our wedding. Most of my aunties and uncles will attend but not cousins and there children just because the journey is too far and will work out costly to stay in the area.
    From speaking to my family they are mainly all in agreement that they wouldn't want to spend 3 hours sitting on a coach in their wedding attire, so would require somewhere to change and get ready and dont for get 3 hours in a car can be 4 on a coach.
    As for evening guests there is no way if ask anyone travelling that far to just be an evening guest as they will spend more time travelling than at the party.
  24.  
    • CarrieD26
      CommentAuthorCarrieD26
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have declined an evening invitation in the past because it was a 5 hour drive to an evening do. It was a family member but I just wasn't prepared for it to be an important enough occasion to me financially if I wasn't important enough to be invited to the wedding knowing I was travelling all that way!

    I absolutely wouldn't go if I couldn't take the children, I am just not willing to leave them over night (the little one anyway) and I wouldn't fancy a 6 + hour round trip!

    Realistically, it's a bit like a destination wedding. You really need to ask yourself how important it is to YOU and your h2b as to how many guests you would be prepared to lose for this venue. The people that are closest to you probably won't mind at all, but other than that, it's a lot of travelling and a lot of expense for a party!
  25.  
    • sarah
      CommentAuthorsarah
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Carrie, I think you make a good point - with that distance it is like a destination wedding. I wouldn't be likely to travel that distance as an evening question and would make the decision to travel as a day guest based on how close I am to the bride an groom. Is there no venue closer? Have you looked into a midweek/sunday/off peak wedding. A lot of venues around me offer steep discounts for getting married between November and March.




  26.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I actually also agree with Carrie about the destination wedding, as if you factor accommodation etc, the costs add up and it's a 3hr freight to Cyprus so very similar travelling wise and a lot wouldn't go there either, probably the closest ppl you know x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  27.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks for all your advice! It's honestly the Evening Guests that I'm mainly worried about, as I don't think I would be too happy travelling all that way for just the evening! I'm having to broaden my mind when it comes to venues, as I kept looking for specific things, but now that I've found somewhere that hires living trees, I might be able to go with a venue only an hour and a half away from home.. That's not too far is it? X
 

UKbride's £25,000 Wedding Competition Prize Partners

Enter Now