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  1.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi everyone,

    Seems like hen party problems are quite common at the minute!

    Basically, my sister is my MOH but as she is currently only 17 she is unable to plan/book anything for my hen party which of course i fully understand and so always planned on sorting out my own hen party.

    Now all my female cousins from my mums side (five of them) caught wind of the fact i was planning my own and didn't want me to have to do that so surprised me by saying they would sort it all out for me.

    Fast forward 1.5 months and my friends, bm's and ladies from my dads side were starting to ask me questions about plans. Obviously I didn't have any as the hen night was supposed to be a surprise and after chasing my eldest cousin up to update the other ladies and hearing nothing back I eventually added them all into a group chat together and left.

    2 of my bm's couldn't make the suggested date and when my sister mentioned possibly changing it to a date when the bm's could be there (considering they are important to me and that's why they are my bm's) and all hell broke loose. Cousins were asking my sister why she doesn't think they are important enough to matter and all sorts. Now each and every one of my cousins have dropped out of the group and say they aren't coming to the party and these are the people supposedly planning it. I am now left to salvage the pieces with less than three months to go and a very small budget given that I'm paying for a wedding.

    M,y mum is absolutely fuming with her nieces and wants to give them a right ear full but in all honesty i don't want people there if they are only there by force.

    Sorry for this absolute rant, I am just feeling so let down by my family, just wished they had left it to me in the first place.

    Sorry if i sound like a right moaning mare :') x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  2.  
    • Wundatigga
      CommentAuthorWundatigga
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Moan away - it's better to get it out.

    It's amazing how selfish others can become at times like this and I am sorry it's come to that for you. But try not to worry, and just go ahead with planning. I decided to plan my own to ensure I got what I wanted anyway. I've tried to get input from others and it's hard, so I've ended up just deciding on stuff and those who want to be and can be there, will be and those who can't or don't want it, won't.

    I'm sure whatever you do it'll be good fun :)

    Members signature icon
    Started dating: 10th February 2011
    Welcomed our little girl: May 2015
    I proposed: 23rd December 2015
    I finally become Mrs R 17th August 2017
  3.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
      Posted: Mar 30th 2017
     
    Hello,

    Like you I have had issues with my chief bridesmaid planning the hen night, not communicating and keeping everything to herself, turns out at present I can't make my own hen night so I feel for you, I really do.

    Here's a plan of action to consider:

    1. Start a new group
    2. Say to everyone that they are equally important but and that this new group is to get ideas. (stay in the group, with you there people are less likely to gob off)
    3. Start with dates - it's the most important thing to establish.

    You might need to take control for the beginning but when it comes to the bookings and the arrangements/monies etc, pass if on to your sister and cousins and anyone involved.

    It's your day after all, they should muck in and help you.

    Grab a glass of wine tonight and start the bridge building.

    Good luck xx
  4.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thank you both of you :)

    I think it likely will be easier to sort it out myself just wished i had the full six months like i had to begin with rather than the three months that I have now.

    I think it's just my expectations to be honest but I have these expectations because I know full well that I would never do this to them.

    I'll speak to my mum and see what she suggests, mums are full of the best advice! ahaha x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  5.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
      Posted: Mar 30th 2017
     
    If there has been one thing I have learnt about weddings and planning them is that you should never have high expectations of anything from anyone.

    Your closet friends can appear as strangers, family has a belief of entitlement, it can go on and on.

    Speak with your mum, although she might be feeling bitter about everyone for upsetting her little girl, she will most certainly have the solution you're looking for.

    Please let us know how you get on. We're here for you if you need it xx
  6.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thanks Amy :) i think i feel slightly better after getting it all written down anyway :) I'll get it sorted x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  7.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Apr 2nd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh dear. What is it with people losing sight of what and who they're organising a Hen for. Such a shame. I'm so grateful my sister and best mate pulled out all the stops to organsie an amazing weekend for me but so many so have issues with bridesmaids and others around their Hen.

    Time to take control and arrange what you need to but then ask your sister and mum i think to help with everything they can do for you.

    x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  8.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thanks you indreamland, I think that's the best bet, i know i can depend on my mum just wished i didn't have to in this case! on the bright side my hen party costume is being shipped out to me today, can't wait to see it! x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  9.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    oh my gosh, some of my hens have actually left the hen group message and have asked to join the stags instead as "it's more their kind of activity".

    I'm about to give up on having a hen party altogether.

    Without trying to sound too selfish i wish people would realise that it's not actually supposed to be about them and their preferences

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  10.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi nicole. Oh wow this is shocking!!!

    So disappointing that people are making it about themselves and are dropping out. They all should have been given some options for dates so they could all compromise and make a date that suited them all, or at least as many as possible. They should all be roping in for you as its your day and something your going to remember for your whole life.

    I actually cant believe some of your hens have actually left the group and asked to join the stag. They must be joking right?! That is disgusting behaviour. Im so sorry for you you must be so upset. Just try and pull through it you dont need the added stress. The girls that will be on your hen are the ones that really matter, the others hae shown their true colours which unfortunately aren't pretty! :(xx

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  11.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thanks MrsC2Be that's what i keep telling myself.

    the girls that wanted to join the stag have now fallen out with h2b as he has told them that they can't join as if he allows them then how can he stop any of the stags girlfriends as well and it would just become a giant free for all which isn't the idea.

    Honestly i think what gets to me most is that i would never dream of doing that to somebody so why do they think it's acceptable.

    I know the people that will be there are the ones that count so that's all that matters but it just makes you think why are you paying all the money to have them at the wedding when this is the treatment you get and i hate having those thoughts x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  12.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    they have a bloody cheek asking in the first place. Im disgusted with them and i dont even know them!! Its such a kick in the teeth to you to ask to go with your h2b, and puts him in an awkward position too.

    If they didn't want to come because they are been selfish then don't go. dont then go and ask to join the stag. how upsetting for you :(

    A wedding definitely brings out the worst in some people, but hopefully its brought out the bets in others x

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  13.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    that's my thoughts exactly! they can't just trade out, they've been invited to one and not the other so no they cant pick and choose and like you said it's made the situation so uncomfortable and H2B is very annoyed with them (likely as he's seen me get so worked up).

    But i am feeling a little calmer now, i'm sure it will all work itself out in the end plus my costume has been made and is being sent out to me and i cannot wait to see it!

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  14.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi Nicole, I'm shocked reading this, why would people ever think this is OK? I have one bridesmaid who will probably be invited to the Stag do as well as the hen do but she is "one of the lads" if you like.

    I just don't understand why people think its ok to make there own demands and make it about them, it really is very selfish.

    Kepp your chin up hun, I;m sure it will all work out in the end.
  15.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thanks Stacey :)

    I'm glad that people seem to have the same opinion as I didn't want to come across as being childish but I do think it's a wrong thing of them to ask.

    Like previously said, the ones that count will be there! x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  16.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
     
    Oh my goodness!

    Are these people actually your friends? Who in their right mind would decline a hen night and request to join the stag because the "activities are more their thing"?
    They could have suggested that activity or similar when everyone was discussing options!
    Like I've said before on this thread, friends can easily become strangers during wedding planning etc.

    Before you start pulling your hair out go and see your mum.
    You know these people so you know what you can/can't say/act etc (just for a peaceful life) pass the reigns over to her, get final numbers, deposits etc for your hen night and be done with it.
    If the drop-outs want to return then fine, providing they accept the activities and pay their deposits as soon as possible.

    Remember, this is about you and your soon to be husband, it's your party and if people want to kick up a stink like this then you'll be far better off without them. Why would you want such poison around you?
    I'm having a similar drama with my SIL so I feel your pain but you will get through this. xxx
  17.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thank you Amy,

    Is it the flower girl issue that is the SIL drama? if so i hope you do get it sorted soon!

    Yes, I have spoken to my mum and I'm sure we will be able to get it all back under control! x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  18.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    sorry i feel i was been proper negative when i commented. think i was just shocked!!

    youll have an amazing time with the people who truely want to be there! :) what are you planning? x

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  19.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
     
    Yep, that's the one - haha!

    Isn't it funny when you announce the date of your wedding and nearly everyone says the same thing, "you can't please everyone, it's about you two, just do what you want..." - What an absolute load of rubbish, it's almost always the people that say that who cause the issues!

    Your mum seems like a total gem, between you both you'll have everything sorted I'm sure xx
  20.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 6th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    amy definitely agree with you about the people who kick up the fuss are the ones who would say not to worry :') and definitely right about my mum being a gem!

    Mrsc2b - i agree with everything you said so no need to be sorry!! it's nice to see my opinion in somebody else's mind :') x

    we are having a d1sn3y theme hen and i know it's in blackpool but i have no idea what we are doing, i have heard that towo activities are planned and that it should be fun but other than that I'm clueless x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  21.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 6th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    sounds fab, how exciting :D xx

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
 
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