Wedding Forum - Hen party issues...

Hi everyone,

Seems like hen party problems are quite common at the minute!

Basically, my sister is my MOH but as she is currently only 17 she is unable to plan/book anything for my hen party which of course i fully understand and so always planned on sorting out my own hen party.

Now all my female cousins from my mums side (five of them) caught wind of the fact i was planning my own and didn't want me to have to do that so surprised me by saying they would sort it all out for me.

Fast forward 1.5 months and my friends, bm's and ladies from my dads side were starting to ask me questions about plans. Obviously I didn't have any as the hen night was supposed to be a surprise and after chasing my eldest cousin up to update the other ladies and hearing nothing back I eventually added them all into a group chat together and left.

2 of my bm's couldn't make the suggested date and when my sister mentioned possibly changing it to a date when the bm's could be there (considering they are important to me and that's why they are my bm's) and all hell broke loose. Cousins were asking my sister why she doesn't think they are important enough to matter and all sorts. Now each and every one of my cousins have dropped out of the group and say they aren't coming to the party and these are the people supposedly planning it. I am now left to salvage the pieces with less than three months to go and a very small budget given that I'm paying for a wedding.

M,y mum is absolutely fuming with her nieces and wants to give them a right ear full but in all honesty i don't want people there if they are only there by force.

Sorry for this absolute rant, I am just feeling so let down by my family, just wished they had left it to me in the first place.

Sorry if i sound like a right moaning mare :') x

Hello,

Like you I have had issues with my chief bridesmaid planning the hen night, not communicating and keeping everything to herself, turns out at present I can't make my own hen night so I feel for you, I really do.

Here's a plan of action to consider:

1. Start a new group
2. Say to everyone that they are equally important but and that this new group is to get ideas. (stay in the group, with you there people are less likely to gob off)
3. Start with dates - it's the most important thing to establish.

You might need to take control for the beginning but when it comes to the bookings and the arrangements/monies etc, pass if on to your sister and cousins and anyone involved.

It's your day after all, they should muck in and help you.

Grab a glass of wine tonight and start the bridge building.

Good luck xx

If there has been one thing I have learnt about weddings and planning them is that you should never have high expectations of anything from anyone.

Your closet friends can appear as strangers, family has a belief of entitlement, it can go on and on.

Speak with your mum, although she might be feeling bitter about everyone for upsetting her little girl, she will most certainly have the solution you're looking for.

Please let us know how you get on. We're here for you if you need it xx

Oh dear. What is it with people losing sight of what and who they're organising a Hen for. Such a shame. I'm so grateful my sister and best mate pulled out all the stops to organsie an amazing weekend for me but so many so have issues with bridesmaids and others around their Hen.

Time to take control and arrange what you need to but then ask your sister and mum i think to help with everything they can do for you.

x

oh my gosh, some of my hens have actually left the hen group message and have asked to join the stags instead as "it's more their kind of activity".

I'm about to give up on having a hen party altogether.

Without trying to sound too selfish i wish people would realise that it's not actually supposed to be about them and their preferences

thanks MrsC2Be that's what i keep telling myself.

the girls that wanted to join the stag have now fallen out with h2b as he has told them that they can't join as if he allows them then how can he stop any of the stags girlfriends as well and it would just become a giant free for all which isn't the idea.

Honestly i think what gets to me most is that i would never dream of doing that to somebody so why do they think it's acceptable.

I know the people that will be there are the ones that count so that's all that matters but it just makes you think why are you paying all the money to have them at the wedding when this is the treatment you get and i hate having those thoughts x

that's my thoughts exactly! they can't just trade out, they've been invited to one and not the other so no they cant pick and choose and like you said it's made the situation so uncomfortable and H2B is very annoyed with them (likely as he's seen me get so worked up).

But i am feeling a little calmer now, i'm sure it will all work itself out in the end plus my costume has been made and is being sent out to me and i cannot wait to see it!

thanks Stacey :)

I'm glad that people seem to have the same opinion as I didn't want to come across as being childish but I do think it's a wrong thing of them to ask.

Like previously said, the ones that count will be there! x

thank you Amy,

Is it the flower girl issue that is the SIL drama? if so i hope you do get it sorted soon!

Yes, I have spoken to my mum and I'm sure we will be able to get it all back under control! x

Yep, that's the one - haha!

Isn't it funny when you announce the date of your wedding and nearly everyone says the same thing, "you can't please everyone, it's about you two, just do what you want..." - What an absolute load of rubbish, it's almost always the people that say that who cause the issues!

Your mum seems like a total gem, between you both you'll have everything sorted I'm sure xx

sounds fab, how exciting :D xx