Right - rather complicated best friend/ MOH problem that usually I would get advice straight from my mummy, but shes gone on holiday so You guys are my adopted Mummies for the time being!
My MOH is my best friend, I love her dearly! .. but she is a very very sensitive person who I have had horrible run ins with before because she takes everything to heart! I do spend my time trying not to upset her! but honestly she is the bestest friend anyone could have! she is fiercely loyal and will do anything for you.... but sometimes her emotions get the better of her and she can be really quite silly (something that often causes a rift between her and my H2B!)
In 2012, She fell out with a kinda mutual friend of ours, because the girl had caused her a lot of heart ache and problems, not turning up when invited round for dinner etc, and as her best friend, I also ceased contact with the girl. I was fed up of my best friend being in tears because of this girl!!! I deleted her off the book of Face, and have always supported my best friend in the decision to no longer be in contact with this girl. Recently, on my birthday, this girl made an appearance in the pub we were in, and it left my best friend in floods of tears and very emotional!...
..Now here comes the problem.....
Friday night, whilst very very very drunk, I invited a couple of people back to my house after the pub for drinks, Including this very girl and her boyfriend!!!!!!!! I don't remember a lot about it .... but apparently it was my idea!!!.... My H2B said I was very embarrassing and kept bringing up the whole argument between my best friend and her! And to make matters worse, apparently in my drunken slur, I came down the stairs and announced to everyone there that "I was sick to death of all this silliness and bygones should be bygones!"
....... I have never felt so guilty about something in all my life! I don't even know why I said it!! But I feel absolutely dreadful about it! My stomach is in Knots!! I literally feel like the worst friend in the world!!! My best friend had a baby last year, and often feels left out when I have a drunken evening! How the hell is she gonna feel now to know I spent the evening with her worst enemy!!!
My Best friend is my MOH in less the 7 weeks time!! what do I do? I know I must tell her face to face as it will be more hurtful if she finds out from anyone else! But do I risk upsetting her so much this close to my wedding!! I would be devastated not to have her by my side on my special day...
............ so please, any advice is appreciated!!!!
CommentAuthorVelcro
tbh, unless its a fall out over something important, then you are right, even if you have gone about it in a bit of a drunken dramatic way (i hear you there, i wake up and cringe everytime ive been on the sauce)
she may be your best friend and you are clearly very supportive of each other, but that doesn't mean you have to take sides (unless, like i said she's done something awful) it starts becoming hard work when you have to spend your time avoiding people.
You can just be honest and say look, I got drunk (shock horror, it happens!) i invited them round, and said you should really be making up, instead of having a rift its not worth it! though do point out you were very drunk and was abit more forthcoming than you would have liked to be.
Or, do you think someone would tell her though? what's to tell really? could you be blowing it out of proportion and now (other than H2B obviously) its all forgotten about and chalked up as drunk people, being drunk?
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Maybe sit with her and tell her before hand and before someone else mentions it to her. At the end of the day you said you were sick of the silliness, that was not just aimed at your friend, but also this other girl. I think if she was going to hear about it, she would prefer it to be from you and not from someone else.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
I would definately be honest .......you were drunk you have been told you invited said girl ( bearing mind you might not have asked her at all ) that you all this silliness needs to stop , that you will always be there for MOH but you feel caught in the middle etc
Be honest hun as the worst thing that could happen is she hears it through others and it may sound like you are hiding things which may upset her more and lose trust in you . Explain about being drunk and tell her how much she means to you and how much you value your friendship . There is only weeks to your wedding so stress like this is not needed ! So clear the air yes there maybe tears or she is just upset but at the end of the day you were honest you held your hands up to what happened and that's all that can be done . x
Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
Friends became soul mates :)
Engaged 6th July 2013
<3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
Thank you for all the advice ladies, I have decided to be honest with her, and have sent her an email this morning explaining this (as I wont get to see her face to face this week) I'm just waiting for a reply and hope that she understands! feeling very anxious about it all and hope it doesn't cause to many problems, as starting to feel a bit overwhelmed!
....But at least I've been honest at the end of the day.... and that's all I can do, because I cant turn back time!
Thank you so much xxx
CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
If she is a friend she should understand but like you said you have now been honest and it is the best policy as they say :) x
Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
Friends became soul mates :)
Engaged 6th July 2013
<3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
CommentAuthorclairenina
I think this whole issue stems from de-friending someone because of someone elses issues and insecurities. I know she is your best friend, but you have no issues with this other person, other than your MOH/best friend does. I appreciate loyalty, but it can almost become playground loyalty.
CommentAuthorMillieT
She has written back to say that shes not ignoring me, but that she needs time to think........
So now I'm left even more bloody anxious! My mum always tells me that my problem is that I try and please everybody, and that the only person who ends up suffering is me............ I think this maybe the case in this situation!!
Only hope that time will make her see xxxxxxxx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
you were right to say .... the ball is firmly in her court now , dont stress about it
Even though she has written back about needing time to think maybe arrange to meet up soon just you two .
You don't need this with only weeks away from wedding and if she is your MOH she should be supporting and helping you not making you more anxious , yes she's upset over this but you have explained what happened but if she is upset for days and days and acts like stroppy teen do you want someone like this being your right hand girl ?
x
Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
Friends became soul mates :)
Engaged 6th July 2013
<3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
CommentAuthorMillieT
Yeah, good idea.
I think I'm going to leave the ball in her court today, and if by tomorrow I haven't heard anything, then ill make contact with her again and suggest to meet up. I definitely don't need this, this close to the wedding, so to not risk adding fuel to the fire, I am just going to try and leave it be for a day or two and try not to worry (easier said then done) as its not like I can change anything now, whats done is done. I really like to think I know here very well and hopefully despite whats happened, she will realize it was never my intention to hurt her.
Thank you so much for all your advice ladies! you have been a great help! sometimes it just helps to get reassurance from people!
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CommentAuthorVelcro
good luck hun, tbh, if she does react badly, then she needs to have a bit of a reality check, in all honesty, you haven't done anything wrong. you just got a bit drunk and said probably what you were feeling anyway xxxx
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorFranM76
I agree with Velcro - you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Hopefully she'll see that - if not, well quite frankly she needs to grow up xx
CommentAuthorMariaS82
edited
Fran and Velcro!
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
I hope she comes around, it doesn't sound like you really did anything wrong and although I know you love your best friend, she does need to try and not be so sensitive (I know it's not something people choose to do that's why I said try) by being over sensitive though she is causing problems for herself... such as this one.
Let us know how she replies please
CommentAuthorMillieT
Hello Ladies!
Well I have had the best reply ever and she has completely taken me by surprise!!! Maybe having time to think and leaving her to it was the really the best Idea!... and in fact, it may have been me thinking it was all going to be a lot worse that what it was! (although I was going by previous experience with her!)
She said that ultimately, she understood that something like this may happen, (because we live in a small village on the south coast) and we all have mutual friends, the problem would arise eventually. She said that she appreciates that I stuck up for her and understands that alcohol played a massive part in it. But the best news of all, is that she said that maybe this was a sign and that maybe she should try and make up with this girl and put it all behind her, and that way we could all be friends!!! in fact she said that she had been thinking about it for a while, but didn't want to upset me, because I had been so loyal to her and her situation!! So six of one and half a dosen of another!!! And that I had opened her eyes up a little quicker then she may have wanted, but that Id given her the push she needed to make things right again!!
So maybe it was all fate!!!! ...... I literally cannot believe how well its all turned out!!!
Thank you so much ladies for putting up with my rant and fears!!! Maybe Bridal brain is getting to me more then I thought ay?!!
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorclairenina
I'm amazed, and happy about how it's turned out. I was worried she would be so set in her ways. Maybe after some thought, she realises that there's no reason why you should be brought into her rift in the first place. It's not often people see the error in their ways, so good on her. More importantly, I hope you can look forward to your special day x
CommentAuthorMillieT
Thank you so much! She has taken me completely by surprise, I must admit. She usually is a very ultra sensitive person and takes everything to heart. In the past, situations like this have caused no end of upset. Maybe like you say, she realized it was all a bit "playground". I'm not sure if anyone else believes in fate, but I do, more and more in fact! So it would appear that this actually happened for a reason, and now hopefully everyone can get on!
Once again, thank you so much for your advice and support, Ill have to tell my mum shes out of a job! Ha Ha ha :-)
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CommentAuthorWhovianbride
AW that's so great hun.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
Fran and Velcro!
