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    • JoH8038
      Posted: Apr 28th 2016
    Hi All,

    I've turned to this as needed some advice from people who are not directly involved. Apologies for the rant!

    My fiancé and I are due to get married in September. We have sent out save the dates last year and invitations this month. We have stated no children as we don't have children ourselves and don't think the venue or our wedding is suitable for children. The grooms brother had a child last August and between him and his mum are adamant the baby needs to come to the wedding. We both agreed that we didn't want children at the day. We love kids and are always the big kids playing with them most of the time. We just think our wedding is not baby friendly. His brother and mum have now taken it really personally saying we hate the child and are being unfair etc etc. I've got upset a lot about this as his brother also had no children at his wedding 2 years ago. We have now been shouted at and moaned at so much that we have had to give in for a quiet life. I really don't want babies there still as (being selfish) I want the day to be about us and not be interrupted by baby noises/crying (which is fine as it is a baby but just not at our wedding).

    What do I do!!!

    I hope this makes sense sorry to blab!
    • ElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2016
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    TBH if my son wasnt invited to my sisters wedding I would tell her where to go (she adores our son and he is 6 when they get married next week).

    from my point of view i think its very harsh not to include your niece or nephew. we had 2 children at our wedding our son and his best friend (my best friends daughter) our nephews were invited but their mum choose not to include them in our day which hurt me and my now husband very much.

    by the time your wedding comes your niece or nephew will be 1 year old and very cute just make it known to your BIL that of the child gets unsettled they need to go outside during the ceremony so not to interrupt proceedings.

    Think how you would feel if roles were reversed and bear in mind this is the grooms brothers child.

    we have been invited to 3 other wedding in the past year My best friends, my cousins and 2 weeks after my sisters hubbys friend where our son wasn't invited to which doesn't bother me in the slightest I quite enjoy having some QT with my husband and DS has a fab time at Gran and Grandas. (it would be difficult for us to get a sitter if my sister and BIL didnt invite him to the wedding but as i said earlier they both dote on him so was never a thought he wouldn't be invited).

    Unfortunately as you have backed down and said the child can now go I dont think there is much you can do but grin and bear it but make it clear that your not happy about the child being there and if they make a noise to leave the ceremony as IMO thats the most important part of the day.

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    • FayeH
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    I disagree - it's your big day, if you don't want children there then it's up to you. You might have to put some effort into making arrangements for childcare for the parents so that it's not really putting the parents out but there's no requirement for anyone to be invited, let alone babies.

    As you've given in it's sort of difficult to go back now - I'd say make clear to the groom's brother that they'll have to take them out if they misbehave and that there won't be any other children there.
    • CatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
    The phrase 'your day, your way' springs to mind. Everyone will have their opinions on this age old topic but ultimately it's one day where you can have anything/everything YOU want so if you want no children, do that and don't let others dictate :) we had kids at our wedding and two of them caused merry hell in the cathedral running up and down (neither sets of parents stopped them) during my sisters vocal solo so if you don't want them, stand your ground! X

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    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
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    You will (hopefully!) only get married once. If you feel you would regret having children there, then you will need to sit them down and tell them firmly.

    I personally know of a wedding where they didn't have their own child at their wedding. It is down to personal preference and opinions vary like previously suggested.

    The only thing that might not be in your favour is that you have backed down and agreed to have the child there.

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
    It's your wedding and they should respect your wishes. Children are noisy and have a habit of sidetracking occasions (my 3 year old nephew did at my 1st wedding) and its your perogative to exclude them from your day if that's what you want. The way that I see it is that I'm paying for it so I'm having what I want and you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone.

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    Met: 2nd September 2012
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    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
    • InDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
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    Your wedding your decision and others should respect that.

    We also had a no child policy but we also said we wanted immediate family there so the rule didn't apply to them. So we had our 2 nieces one of which was our FG and the other only 8 months old. Plus another family member who was a year old and then we allowed one of hubby's friends to bring their 3 month old. It was our decision though, what we didn't want was to have to pay for around 14 kids food and have them all running about making noise etc. The ones who were there were well controlled by their parents.

    Do what you want to do for the day.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
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    • StephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    As a mother of two, I wouldnt lash out at you but I would be frustrated. We dont get babysitting easily and when kids arent invited to things it means one of us has to stay behind with the kids. Usually me as I dont drive.
    My two are very well behaved and when they are told to sit they do, equally another frustration is the fac people initially expect them to be badly behaved when they're really not.

    That being said however its your day, it's only going to upset you if the baby starts making noise. They should respect your descision especially if they had a no baby policy at their own wedding. Offer to pay for their babysittig or something??? xx

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    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
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    We don't want children at our wedding, but with the exception of immediate family. We've invited our nieces and nephews as personally I don't think it's right not to include immediate family, but that's just my opinion.

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    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
    • Super4ac
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    It's your wedding, you can have no kids there if that's what you want!
    totally understand where you're coming from, kids can be a big distraction and if it's quite a formal / quiet do then it could get irritating or messy.
    I have two young nephews myself, my sister's kids (will be 4 and 18mths at the wedding) and I wouldn't dream of not including them in my wedding - but that's just me. I'm very close to my sister and the kids and I miss them so much as I live in another country!! So it's important to me for all of them to be there.
    My wedding will be quite relaxed and informal anyway so I feel like the kids will either not be an issue or just add to the atmosphere for me. :)
    • KayleighS46
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    Were having zero children at our wedding not because we don't like children but just because thats our personal preference. I don't assume their all badly behaved as their not, however if anything could interrupt the ceremony it could potentially be a child doing it but the same can be said for an adult!
    I don't think anyone should have the 'right' to say you NEED to invite children and if they want to kick off/get mad and be frustrated then so be it. Its your money, your ceremony and your marriage. Have what you want to have and if they don't respect it then its their issue not yours xx

    Met 2013
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    • clairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
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    You listed a whole host of reasons why children aren't invited. You don't need to give any reason, it's your wedding. We didn't invite children to ours.
    • LeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
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    I'm a mummy of a 3 year old boy. He was page boy at my cousins wedding when he was 2 and he was a nightmare, we ended up coming home early. He's a very well behaved child, we can't complain at all but its a long day and children are unpredictable. He has since been invited to 2 weddings with us to which we have declined his invite and had him looked after. We had one where the couple spoke to us and said I'm sorry but LO can't come, I laughed and said good. I didn't feel an attack on me or my child. It's peoples personal preferences for their wedding. My OH wasn't entirely keen on having children at ours, so we are only having family children. We have also asked the minister to say if babies get upset please take them outside as the service is being filmed. Seeing as you've already given in I would go down this route. xx

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    • LauraH813
      Posted: May 1st 2016
    I totally agree that it's "Your wedding, your way" if no children is what you want then don't let anyone guilt or bully you into changing your mind. It always leaves a sour taste if you feel you've been backed into a corner. It would be great if family could simply accept a decision instead of protesting but it's a little understandable. It must feel like a slight so I can sympathise that they are not happy. Luckily we only have 3 children at our wedding all of which are in the Bridal party. I want our 3 there but would have had to have massive brass b*lls to have said no kids at my wedding. Boy would my Mum have kicked off not to have her grandsons included and I'm sure my Bro and SIL would have been disappointed too. I can see both sides. I think you have to decide what you are most prepared to live with. The sour taste or the grief from family.
    • CharlotteE98
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 2nd 2016
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    We didn't want children at our wedding and had a note put on our invitations to say that due to the nature and small size of the venue we could only accommodate the children of immediate family (my 2 nieces who were 2 and a half and 3 months at the time, two year old was our flower girl). My cousin got in touch when she received the invitation to ask if it would be ok to bring her baby (he was 7 months old at the time). After a lot of discussion we agreed as my Mum rightly said that she wouldn't want to leave him with anyone at that age and she had quite a distance to come. We also made an exception for her 11 year old son as she didn't want to leave him at home for various reasons. To be honest, I didn't even notice any crying or anything from the babies during the ceremony. It was only after when we watched the DVD back that our friends had recorded that I realised that there had been any noise and it was from my baby niece. I think my brother in law took her outside at one point, if he did I don't think anybody noticed!

    SIL had children at her wedding and I think there was only one that made a lot of noise during the ceremony so his dad took him out. My Sister had no children apart from flower girls, but had to make an exception for her best friend (her daughter was one of the flower girl) who had not long had a baby and wouldn't leave him.

    You may be surprised and baby will be really well behaved, but perhaps make clear that they should go out if baby starts to cry/get restless.
    • AnikaM60
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2016
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    If my sister had this policy I would be unhappy, since I'm immediate family and all people who would usually babysit are immediate family so there would be no where for my 2 to go. this would probably stop me from being able to go in my personal situation since my youngest is so little and refuses bottles.

    At the same time it is your day so what you decide is best for you and your oh is the way you should do it. You can't please everyone and trying to will only bring you more stress than you need. unfortunately you have to be prepared for the aftermath of what ever decision you make. The upset feelings will probably continue long after the wedding day is over. Giving in could still have the same effect though, especially if what your worried about happens I.e noise and crying ect, no one wants this when giving their vows/wedding video. If you stand firm they should eventually understand where your coming from. You shouldn't be bullied into allowing children
    • Velcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2016
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    My friend is having a child free wedding, and I have her niece, I am perfectly fine with leaving my daughter at home with my mum as it is my friends decision and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. She has no children herself, so wants to have an adult only affair which is fair enough. I think if there was no one to have her at all, then she would no doubt make an exception - which is also her decision and hers alone. But even if my mum couldn't do it, I have friends and plenty of notice to make arrangements.

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