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  1.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 8th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
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    Anybody else having issues with H2B? stressing me out like crazy, since we started wedding planning we said we would save as much as we could each month after bills and what not, mine fluctuates depending how much i have coming out and different commitments each month bu i've managed to save enough to pay deposits for the photographer and things like that and also i have 300 go out which i saved up which i dont know where it's gone h2b says it's wedding related and that he would put the money back when he gets paid. This was three months ago and i have yet to see a penny of it back. now i know whats mine is yours and what not and i don't mind him spending the money on wedding related items but since Christmas (when wedding planning started) he hasn't saved a penny! i'm not even exaggerating, not a penny! his mum and dad have offered money in to help which is lovely and he keeps trying to take credit for that! He tells me that it's my fault the wedding is costing so much because i have a large family and because i want a photographer. He tells me when he gets his payout from work (they are cutting his hours so he is getting a payout) this is all he will be putting into the wedding whether it's enough or not, now we have no idea how much this will be he estimates about £2000 it could be more but it also could be less and when the venue on it's own costs £5085 it simply isnt enough. Struggling to think how to have the conversation with him as last time i did it ended in us falling out.

    Sorry for the rant i needed to get it off my chest x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  2.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 8th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    To play the devils advocate i would say your partner is probably equally as stressed as you are but youre more vocal about it.
    Its the worst feeling in the world knowing you HAVE to pay deposits and put money here there and everywhere.
    Our venue is £3500... We have yet to pay £2500 and thats being paid this week. Its taken us so long to realise that we can just not pay that money lump sum without help and after weeks of bickering and arguing we sat down and talked it through like adults. Admittedly i had to cook a steak dinner and push a couple of beers into him before he was chilled enough to talk about it but we did it and finally plucked up to the courage to ask his parents.

    Dont feel frustrated because you think your h2b is slacking or doesnt care...... In truth it is that he cares and probably feels a little like his masculine role as the provider has taken a knock and pride is replacing him discussing things with you.
    Take it easy, enjoy a date night and a few days with non wedding related chatter and make him feel like the only thing thats important to you is him and he will surely be able to adult for an evening and talks things through calmly. Im sure of it. Xx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  3.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 8th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Do you take control of all your bills/finances etc? Because I do, so naturally I also took control of the wedding finances. My OH never saved as much as me but I didn't expect him to because I earn more than him, so for him to contribute the same amount wouldn't have been fair. However I did nag at a couple of times that he wasn't saving as much as he could/should - he said to me a couple of times that because he wasn't involved in the control of the finance and couldn't see it etc, he couldn't fully appreciate what I was saying. Do you keep a wedding spreadsheet or anything? Maybe it would help your OH to see it written down - how much you still need to save and need to pay out etc. Maybe it might help make him understand and give him a kick up the backside xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  4.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 8th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    stephanie thanks for your input sometimes you get blindisghted by your own emotions, the thing is though he earns more than me and wastes so much on gaming and silly things that we don't need when he knows full well we need to save for the wedding and when i brought that up he basically told me that i shouldnt know how much he's spending and that i must have been snooping (even though i wasnt) so it's just like i'm met with defense each time. and yes flossie i seem to be the only one that knows whats happening which is fine i dont mind that but i feel as though he should be trying to be more involved.

    I will work on a spreadsheet now so that i can hand it to him when i get in from work, i just struggle to actually speak to him as he hates confrontation. I'm not sure if you read previously about how he banned me from even speaking about the wedding until he found out whether or not his job was safe (it is) so now i feel like i cant waste any more time just so that he can put his head in the sand x

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    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  5.  
    • LauraH813
      CommentAuthorLauraH813
      Posted: Aug 8th 2016
     
    I have been stressing about H2B keeping his end of the bargain where wedding funds are concerned too. I paid for my engagement ring out of my savings becoz when it came to crunch time he admitted to not having saved a penny for it!! He is paying me back monthly. We are saving separately for the wedding and I am footing the lions share of the cost. I have been getting anxious that when it comes to paying suppliers he just won't have the money. And neither will I having only saved enough for my share. I made a list last week of what money is outstanding and highlighted what I expect him to pay ie half the registrar fees, mens suit hire, half the photographer fee. Think this helped to hit home just how much he needs to save and how little time he has to do it. Still doesn't stop me worrying though.
  6.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    How did it go Nicole?? Did you have a good talk??x

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  7.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    hi Stephanie thanks for asking :)

    it went two ways to be honest, on monday he ended things, the wedding, the relationship wouldn't even let me stay at our home that night it was an absolute disaster, but by the next day he had completely regretted everything he said, and asked me to come back home (i was still furious and told him i needed a day for me and so I stayed at my parents that night). Yesterday I went to our home after work and had asked him to write a list of all the things that have been bothering him so we could speak it through (he really isn't a big talker) and it works out he was stressing so badly over work he was taking out on me, regretted saying he didn't want the wedding as soon as he said it. We are kinda back on track now, i've explained to him the costs of everything as he saw it just as one big figure. So hopefully it will get better.

    Laura it is so difficult getting them on track and on board isnt it, we had a similar ring situation as well :( it's the not putting it as a priority that gets to me as he is a major money waster

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  8.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ohhh awful you would have to go through that Nicole but im glad youre back on track again.
    Men do tebd to bottlw rhings up and take it out on other people when theyre feeling stressed... I know its not excusable but i tend to give my partner a bit of space when hes like that and like you asking him whats on his mind later on.
    Xx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  9.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    yeh i get you, he really isn't the confrontational type at all so if he has something on his mind and i ask what it is he just says that it's nothing and everything is ok and if i press him he gets annoyed its a catch 22 ahaha but nevermind hopefully after all this he will understand the importance of speaking it through with me

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  10.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My advice is make sure you continually have date nights up until the day.... I remember my OH. Becoming quite distant when i had our kids... I think he didnt feel as important to me anymore. Dont distract yourself from you time with the wedding too often as it may make him a bit resentful.

    The stress of wedding planning has really got to me to be honest... I didnt think i would be but we keep nit picking at each other and having silly arguments. Sometimes we lose track of why we even having a wedding... Im here for u if u ever need to talkxx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  11.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thank you stephanie :) sometimes it's just nice to know you arent the only one going through it. And we definitely need to make some more time for each other, between work, prior commitments and socialising with friends we rarely have time just to us any more

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
 
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