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Wedding Forum - H2B dragging his heels!...

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  1.  
    • StephanieK77
      CommentAuthorStephanieK77
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Me and H2B have had a bit of a (one sided on my part) arguement this morning over his lack of interest with only 9 weeks to go. He still hasnt reserved a suit and keeps putting off practising the cake which we are making ourselves (him doing the baking). He also had to be repeated asked to send invites to his friends or get addresses so i could and a few of his friends only got there invites a week or two before the rsvp date as a result. This morning it came to a head as he said do i mind him going with the best man to get suits sorted and i told him to just get on with it! He said he doesnt want to upset me by going out all the time but i dont mind him going out i just dont like being told he will be gone an hour and then him being gone 6! Last time he went to try suits he went out all day and night afterwards and was gone 14 hours. And then he wonders why i complain at him going out every weekend whilst I sit at home with his child planning the wedding! I have asked him if he is having doubts but he says no he just doesnt see the rush when we have 9 weeks left. He seems to forget that he will be in New York for one of them! Im exhausted working full time with a child doing my PGCE AND planning a wedding. It would be nice to feel like it was all for a cause. *sigh*
  2.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Aww, hun - I can empathise. If he, like my other half, has left most of it to you, then he probably doesn't realise just exactly what needs to be done/has been done, and, how important it is to get things sorted early on!
    My OH was messing about when we were doing invites - so I had to repeatedly ask him to find addresses for people - consequently there are 3 evening invites for his friends that are sat by his pc with stamps, not sent - and the RSVP date has already passed.

    Whilst we were making them, he was messing with playing games, you tube videos etc - I had to say to him "if it seems like I'm getting annoyed, its because this is important to get them sent out to our guests so that people actually come to the wedding.
    And what do you think I've been doing every lunchtime this week..? Sorting these out" so then he knuckled down and helped.

    And not wishing to generalise, but that does seem to be a recurring theme on this forum - men just don't see what the 'rush' is! Do they think that suit hirers have an endless supply of suits that they can roll out, or does he realise they might not have the sizes/styles they want for your date as someone else will have booked them up?

    It does seem unfair that he is spending so much time sorting out one aspect of the wedding, and not giving you chance to even go and spend some time just for yourself, not for the wedding, looking after kids, or your study.

    Perhaps ask him how he'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot? xx




  3.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Don't ask him how he would feel if the shoes was on the other foot , take action ....tell him you are going out for the day so he can practise making the cake ....... AND GO ...no discussion. As for the suit just say that it's up to him to sort it ,your not his mum and he will be the one looking a plonk if he has no suit on the day ... Then don't mention it again.

    Sometimes the more you gone on about it the less they do, so use reverse physiology .

  4.  
    • StephanieK77
      CommentAuthorStephanieK77
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    He does think there is an endless supply and they should be begging for his business. He tried some really expensive ones and said ill leave it they will come back to me and reduce the prices if they want my business. Not in july they wont!!!! Now hes saying that he will just reserve the suits he saw last time they went looking instead of going today. I wouldnt mind if they had plenty appointments but he was gone 14 hours and had two appointments so they rest of that time they were just drinking and he wanted to do the same again. Why cant they have a few beers and come home at a decent time? They see eachother at least 2/3 times a month and speak everyday. I see my mates once a month and its a different person each time!
  5.  
    • KellyN29
      CommentAuthorKellyN29
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with Carla! as it has worked for me lol, although the best man still does not have his invite and as I am sitting here OH is on the xbox shooting things. but he does have his moments and I get a hug when I totally loose it with him.
  6.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    I completely agree with Lala.
    You could go the passive aggresive route and just start baking the cake yourself (badly) and when he sees how upset you are at the result he'll get stuck into the next one.
    If he's just going to reserve the first suits then there's no reason why he needs to go out again today with his friend, so maybe today could be your day to yourself. I would even hand them some beers, some juice for the little one, and cake ingredients, say I'm going out and then just leave them all to it. Hit the shops and see if there's anything you can cross off your to-do list in town, hit the gym, have a mani/massage, call an old friend and have a long catch up then wander back home and enjoy the practice cake.
    I went with a slightly different approach to the suits - OH was dragging his heels too so in January I had a look at suits and then put down a deposit and just told OH that's where we're getting the suits from, here's the contact info, go and try on in your own time.
  7.  
    • clair
      CommentAuthorclair
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I have had a simular problem, although we are not getting married untill aug next year there is still a lot to do. He just didn't see the rush and I really have to push him in to doing things. I book thigs for us/ him just to get things done lol.
    Tbh I just think it's a man thing they are just not as excited about these theses things as us. Xx

    Members signature icon
    Started going out with my Gorgeous man 7/11/2010
    Got engaged on the 21/9/2013
    became mrs Thornton on the 2/8/2015
    our wedding day was the best day ever :)!
  8.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
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    That sucks; I agree with Carla and hope it works out ok for you :S Men can be so useless sometimes.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
    When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
    Fight for what you believe in!
  9.  
    • AmandaK74
      CommentAuthorAmandaK74
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with the reverse psychology. It generally does work. But I can sympathise with you, I know our wedding isnt until july next year but , I too work, a student nurse and have a family and planning a wedding is a full time task in itself.
    My OH gets on my nerves when im asking him to look at things and give me his opinion but the response I get from him is its your day hunny all I have to do is turn up. It boils my blood every time I hear it

    met 11th December 2010
    engaged 2nd August 2013
    getting married to the love of my life 11th july 2015
  10.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: May 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    if you man is saying "is its your day hunny all I have to do is turn up" then take them at their word ... stop asking them about things , book what YOU want . why stress your self out ?

  11.  
    • LoopyLou
      CommentAuthorLoopyLou
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: May 5th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    When my OH has said that to me (it really bugs me too) I then plaster the biggest grin on my face say 'Ok hun' then go to the computer and start looking at stuff (whatever i was asking his opinion on) and make sure its expensive or just totally outrageous lol That soon gets his attention and his opinion on the matter seemed to grow lol :) x
 
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