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Wedding Forum - Future mother in law problems...

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  1.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
     
    ok so we are having my best friend as maid of honour our niece bridesmaid and nephew page boy from my side and my partner our niece flower girl along with our daughter. We are also having grooms brother as best man so basically one child from our sisters making it fair. My maybe future mother in law and sister in law are kicking off as they believe we should have ask the grooms sister but considering I have two sisters of my own it is only fair to have one of each of their children. Both mother and sister In law are ganging up on me saying I'm having say over the groom but it is both our decision. The reason they are kicking off is grooms sister has never been bridesmaid and they believe her brother should of asked her even though we have asked her daughter. After kick off I sent them both a text saying. Hi I know you both wanted P? to be bridesmaid but we have to be fair between the 2 family's. We are happy with 5 and it's only fair to have one child from each sister. I know P? offered to pay for her own dress but still it would be unfair not to ask my sisters and then it would be to many. We also don't expect any one to pay for them selves so would not be able to afford you all. Please don't be offended it's just about being fair and expenses. X to which from mother in law was I can't talk about it ì'm to angry . A true wedding is about family not just you I also got horrible messages from future sister in law saying it's all me. Please help?
  2.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Tbh, traditionally the bride has her maids which is any of HER family members or HER friends and the groom has ushers/best man from HIS friends and HIS family so no, you aren't obliged to whatsoever so stand your ground! If you and your H2B are happy then leave it at that, they'll soon get over it and tbh, with the way they are acting it would only make me more certain not to ask her! Nowadays people sometimes ask the groom's sister as a nice bringing together of both families but only if you have a good relationship and if you genuinely want her which you clearly don't! Sorry it's proving problematic and hope you get it sorted :) x

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  3.  
    • AmandaK74
      CommentAuthorAmandaK74
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     


    met 11th December 2010
    engaged 2nd August 2013
    getting married to the love of my life 11th july 2015
  4.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You have whoever you want, it's not down to them who you have.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  5.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with the other posts, you have whoever you want. Don't feel bullied into having anyone. If anything her behaviour shows how you have done the right thing by not asking her. I'd just drop the subject now they'll cool off.




  6.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    omfg i had the same kind of things off my mil its not all about me i am selfish etc saying it is about the family and they should have what they want and a say in the wedding. it was an absolute nightmare! If anyone is being selfish it is your mil and sil, let them have the wedding they want when SHE gets married.

    The problem is depending on what kind of people they are, you could explain til you are blue in the face and they will still think you are in the wrong, as a result from my own experiences i have cut his mum dad and sister completely out of my life and havent seen them since the wedding which was 4 months ago now. H2B still sees them, i would never stop them but I have had more than enough of them and refused.

    Mine may be a bit of an extreme case of fall out, but it is something to prepare yourself for as there is just no getting through to some people, especially when you have been reasonable and tried sorting it out!

    I got all the 'traditionally this' 'traditionally that' yet if they really sat down and thought about it, traditionally they'd take a back freaking seat with all the bride side of planning because they weren't my family!

    Nothing but bullies, and because I stood up to them it made it worse, but I'd rather that than be a door mat

    I really feel for you, they are just jealous and want their moment

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  7.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I have to agree with Velcro, sounds like they are just bullies-the problem with bullies is if you just stay quiet and reward their behaviour by not standing up to them-to avoid confrontation, they just walk all over you




  8.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    O this sounds like a horrible position. It's your day and your partners and you should have who you want. If that's the decision you have made they should accept that.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  9.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Given that it's your partner's family, has he told them that it was a joint decision and to stop butting in and throwing their weight around? They might take it from him. Or perhaps as Velcro says, no matter who tells them what they'll think what they want. Let the buggers please themselves - so pathetic!

    It's such an awful thing to say, but I'm so glad my would-be mother-in-law is no longer with us. She was an awful woman when she was alive and I can imagine she and her husband would've caused all kinds of rubbish.

    Sorry you're having to put up with this! The wedding should be about the two of you, and whatever you two want.
  10.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
     
    Thank you everyone for your support. Sadly i believe they will not let It go.
  11.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
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    How does h2b feel about all this?

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  12.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    A very difficult position to be in :o( Hope you get it sorted x
  13.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
     
    Just as stressed as me but stuck in the middle because his family
  14.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
     
    They also told me that my friend could not be maid of honour because she is married and try to force the matter by saying we should have his sister.
  15.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You can have who you want as maid of honour.... if they keep pushing it tell them fine she isn't your maid of honour, she's your matron of honour.




  16.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
     
    I know we have said that but its all about not having his sister involved
  17.  
    • TashaM95
      CommentAuthorTashaM95
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ignore them, one of my biggest peeves with weddings is people wanting to be bridesmaids because they have something to do with the groom; they're not called groomsmaids! It's times like this I'm glad I have one sil who hates me and one who is a complete tomboy! You stand your ground
  18.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    She needs a 'lala' slap.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  19.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     


    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  20.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
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    Lol GF I was thinking the same thing :)

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  21.  
    • CoralLeigh2016
      CommentAuthorCoralLeigh2016
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Not sure who's paying for your wedding day but if they aren't making any or any large contribution I'd definitely tell them where to get off! Both sound the most horrendous people to deal with.....just ignore them sweetie and do what you and your H2B want to make the day special for YOU BOTH! DO NOT try to please everyone......it will only stress you both out! We're doing nothing other than what WE want for our day.....they can do as they like when your sister in law gets married :)

    Good luck sweetie and hope you FINALLY get through to the morons xxxx
  22.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
     
    That's the thing his sister is a single mum with 2 kids and her mum does not believe she will ever marry nor the brother so they are pinning there dreams on us which is unfair x
  23.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
     
    They are not paying a penny
  24.  
    • CoralLeigh2016
      CommentAuthorCoralLeigh2016
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh well tough sh*t.....her own problem if she will never end up married - NOT YOURS! leave them to stew on it and just concentrate on making yourselves happy :) and definitely ignore them if they aren't paying a penny! I'd even tell them that if push came to shove xxx
  25.  
    • AH86
      CommentAuthorAH86
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundTicker foreground
     
    And I thought my MIL AND SIL were bad... I would have to ignore them if it were me I'm afraid. If your h2b supports the decision it should be up to him to tell them to back off.

    That would probably be me done with them at least until they come around and calm down or apologise but that all depends on your relationship and h2bs relation ship will them though

    Members signature icon
    Friday 10th April 2015
    Marrying my best friend
    Not long now :D
  26.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
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    If they don't want to get married its up to them. They can't decide not to and also want to have one. It's stupid. Plus your mil has had her day so should respect that it's now time for yours x

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  27.  
    • CaseyW50
      CommentAuthorCaseyW50
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad time, but its your wedding and it is yours and h2b decision on who you have as bridesmaids, she should be happy that her daughter is a bridesmaid. It's your day not theirs xx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2008
    Together since 4th June 2009
    Engaged since 22nd August 2012
    Soon to be Mrs C in 2016
  28.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 14th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Its is your choice to have who you want. If you don't stand your ground on this decision, how many other things will they want their say on for your wedding? X
  29.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 14th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If they aren't paying anything towards it then it's your decision who you have. Sounds to me like you need some moral support and get somebody to sit the pair of them down and tell them to grow up!
  30.  
    • EmmaG
      CommentAuthorEmmaG
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 14th 2015
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    its emabarrassing, can you imagine your mum telling your brother/sis and SIl or BIL that you should be bridesmaid e.t.c and then forcing them to change , and then they changing it for you and you going ok then great , .. its ridiculous.. how embarrassing.. even if people feel upset about it, or wanting to be it and then not surely it best to just keep mouth shut... it obviously would be just forcing someone into something which doesn't make for a fabulous happy wedding day !! crazy.. sorry you going through this.. its rather pathetic on their part.. your the bride and can choose whoever you want to :)

    Members signature icon
    Soooooo excited to be marrying my Best Friend !!
    Life is Wild, Love it Live it !

  31.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 14th 2015
     
    Thanks for everyone support hubby to be is going over to speak to his mum after a 3 day cooling period.
  32.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 15th 2015
     
    Let's say did not go well still minl still angry and said nasty things to my future hubby about me trying to wind us up more Refusing to apologise
  33.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 16th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh dear :/ what happened? Sorry to hear that nothing has been resolved...

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  34.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 16th 2015
     
    Basically at the beginning when I sent her the message about it being fair having a child from each sister and she replied (I can't talk about it ì'm to angry . A true wedding is about family not just you) I then text back F off and grow up which I know is disrespectful but both her and her daughter were ganging up on me with messages so I bit back. After my h2b going over yesterday they were still slagging me off saying it's not just her wedding why didn't you tell her to have your sister ad bridesmaid blah blah! But then said the main thing she was angry about was me swearing. So me being the bigger person rang her up and said I am sorry for swearing but all I want to do is marry your son. She said ok we will forget this and then rang back speaking to my h2b asking if everything is ok now. Uh no! Where's my apology ?
  35.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 16th 2015
      edited
     
    Sorry to rant guys it's good to get it off my chest and have support and advice from a out side person. I really do hope all your weddings go or have gone smoothly with out any crazy mother inlaws x
  36.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Feb 17th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    sounds really similar to my situtaion, i think they were pinning all their hopes on our wedding thinking his sister wouldn't getr married and his brother has been with his girlfriend for 10 years and no engagment (they are now actually engaged, god help them haha) but i think as it was the first wedding and thinking the others werent getting married, they all wanted to take over ours.

    we did actually get on at one point and i even asked sil and his brothers gf to actually be bridesmaids, but with all the hooha, they stepped down, thankfully, saving me the job of looking the 'bad guy' yet again.

    He still gets snide remarks about me/us, when he calls round to see them. I do feel for the men though, stuck in the middle, it must be hard. Mine has had enough himself now though, at one point while it was just me getting the sh1t on my own, i dont think he realised how badly i was getting it, i was taking things 'too personal' 'that's just what she/they are like' 'they are just excited'

    The amount of times i was told i was doing it wrong or actually getting shouted at - and then he was finally on the recieving end and he applogised, and thankfully saw it wasnt actually me. i think being called a liar was the final nail for me, annoyingly i found evidence to prove i wasnt a liar, but at the time, i didnt have my stupid phone on me. She said i was a liar and i was trying to make her look like a liar in front of everyone, when she actually WAS. I was called an effing cow as well and all this was over a flowergirl dress for my husbands daughter that she told me to just go get without her as it was getting 'too late, so you should go with your mum'

    I don't think you will ever get your appology tbh, it all sounds like such a familiar strory xxx

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  37.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 17th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree, I don't think you will ever get an apology. I wouldn't hold out for one.

    I think the best thing to do now is move on, but at least you have had your eyes opened to what they are like. Move on from it all for your fiancé's sake, but always be wary of them.




  38.  
    • MichelleB5073
      CommentAuthorMichelleB5073
      Posted: Feb 18th 2015
     
    My partner has now had a enough and has told his mum and sister not to come as they are refusing to apologise and keep saying they have not done anything wrong. There has been more hurt full things said that can't be forgiven so we are going to carry on without them.
  39.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 19th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh honestly, some people! A maid of honour who is married is just a matron of honour. My "maid" of honour is a dude! What absolute... grrr... Weddings really do bring out the worst in people! Get a dart board and pin their faces to it... I would. Heh. x
  40.  
    • MrsThomson2B
      CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 19th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    tell them to get over themselves. its your day not theirs and if they don't like it thats their tough not yours xx
  41.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Feb 20th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My MIL was so vile that she has in effect lost her son ( she apparently called me all sorts of names the last time he went round ) he doesn't go to see them when he is home and has said he wont till i get an apology .

    She still gets birthday cards etc but that because im a nicer person and i send them

 
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