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Wedding Forum - Fuming with fmil!!...

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  1.  
    • Kirsty
      CommentAuthorKirsty
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Ok so with 7 days to.go I have not felt the need to properly rant before, but here goes....

    Some of you may remember we had issues with his mum. She is disabled but not the nicest of ladies so basically none of the family (bar aaron and just recently his sister)can even be in the same room as her! so we gave her 2 years notice about the wedding as we knew it would require organisation on her part in terms of travel and care etc. This was just out of obligation really, he didnt want her there but felt he should invite her.

    So this dragged on for ages but a week ago he called her and basically said if you haven't organised anythin you wont get anything sorted now so stay at home (4 hours away) we will call on the day and arrange a good photo album for you. She was upset but understood.

    His sister text to ask about something else and said she was looking into trains and taxis for his mum as she asked her, but they were 900.

    I am furious that after all that and reaching a decision she still is planning on just turning up! He told his sister she told us she wasnt coming so she now has no meal, no place at the table etc.

    I just needed to vent as I can't yell at aaron, its not his fault lol! Seriously a week before the wedding she is still trying to muck up our day!

    As you may have guessed we were really happy that she wasn't coming! I find her a horrible manipulative person who thinks the world owes her something!
  2.  
    • ChanelP
      CommentAuthorChanelP
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Can you not just tell her that there is no space for her? Now that you had arranged for her not to come? I know it seems harsh but like you say you don't really want her there. I would make sure that she understands that there is no point in coming down with nowhere to sit and no meal.

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  3.  
    • AmandaK74
      CommentAuthorAmandaK74
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Gosh kirsty im sure there is nothing worse especially with only a week to go before your day. Just stick to what you and your HO want, its a day about you and your fiance and you should be able to enjoy it without the hassle of family feuds.
    I wish you a good day, enjoy and hope all goes to plan x

    met 11th December 2010
    engaged 2nd August 2013
    getting married to the love of my life 11th july 2015
  4.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I remember your post about her before.

    Maybe your oh should call her again and just say that as it was clear she wasn't sorting anything out then there will be no room for her and there is no point her going all that way just to have to sit around and wait for the evening reception as she WILL NOT have a meal or a place to sit, due to you all coming to the understanding that she would not be there.


    I hope you get this sorted, try not to stress and let it ruin the run up to your big day




  5.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Urgh, what a nightmare :-s

    I think you have 2 options:

    1) See if you can make space for her and pay for a meal for her just in case she shows up anyway. I think it's doubtful that she will, and I am loathe to suggest this even, but it might give you peace of mind and also prevent her from making a scene on the day (eg she might lie to people and say she hadn't said she wasn't coming, etc etc; if she's anything like my FMIL, and it sounds like she could be, this is certainly a possibility).

    2) Get your OH to call her and explain that there is no room for her now, nor is there a meal, because of what she had agreed (that she wasn't coming), and that if she comes there will only be space at the ceremony and evening reception.
  6.  
    • Kirsty
      CommentAuthorKirsty
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    He really doesn't like her and hates having to call her so has asked me to do it! We will see how it goes down. I think im going to just point out we re-allocated her seat etc so there is no room anymore. I am sure she will tell everyone I put him up to but Nevermind, I justdone wwant to be on edge this week! So wound up as my sewing machine just broke too!
  7.  
    • ChanelP
      CommentAuthorChanelP
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think you are better off calling her... surely an awkward phone call is better than worrying about your big day... good luck let us know how it goes

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  8.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Unfortunately you can't stop people who are that way inclined telling people things that aren't true about you, you can spend your life walking on egg shells and trying to please them and they'll still tell anyone who will listen that you are horrible and have done this and that.

    Fingers crossed the phone call goes well hun, try not to worry about it and just enjoy the run up to your big day :)




  9.  
    • Kirsty
      CommentAuthorKirsty
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Well she didn't answer so I text his sister to say 'I understand there has been a bit of confusion, if you speak to her I need to speak to her...' which started a massive argument with her asking why I am now saying she cant come! Brilliant! !

    I explained we were only going by what she told us and with a week before the wedding its impossible to reprint everything and ask us to move everyone around. I even said when was she planning in tell us, on the day when she turned up?

    Sounds like we are going to have an eventful week! :
  10.  
    • Officially Mrs M
      CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh dear Kirsty sounds like she wants to kick up a fuss before your big day

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    8th September 2012 I married my best friend
    1st September 2014 our little family grew by one

    Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
  11.  
    • LauraK7
      CommentAuthorLauraK7
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh dear I remember your last post too about this
    I would stick with it and tell her there is now no space even if she just turns up
  12.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    One thing I would say is this: it is your OH's mother, and so HE should be handling this, not you. If he doesn't like speaking to her, tough; that's not your problem.

    We've had major issues with my OH's mother (resulting in us not speaking to her for 6 months) and since we have resumed limited contact I've made it clear that any correspondence is to come from him. I strongly suggest you do the same; it is not fair for you to bear the brunt of hers and your FSIL's wrath when this is a decision you have made together.
  13.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think oh should be calling her to explain it all x

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    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
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  14.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree that I think it should be oh, he's being very unfair leaving it all to you-as much as he doesn't want to deal with her he shouldn't expect you to have to do it instead.




  15.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I thought the same as everyone else in regards to your OH handling this. If this happened to us, I would expect him to sort it out.

    I personally would stick to your guns and say she can't come. Like you said, she's had plenty of warning and it sounds she couldn't be bothered to arrange any form of transportation. (It'll be a good excuse for you to take her off the list as well!)

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    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  16.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Did she say for definite that she wasn't coming? That's the only thing that isn't clear. If it's assumed based on her not making arrangements then she might make a fuss and say you're just stopping her from going. If however she said clearly that she wasn't coming then you should stick to your guns. I do think though that your OH should be backing you up.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  17.  
    • Kirsty
      CommentAuthorKirsty
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ok so updated!:

    She said she was planning on just turning up (wtf) aaron lost it and said you just cant do that! She plans on coming but hasnt booked a hotel or train yet (so she can now get a train?!?). Aaron said we will provide a meal, its her responsibility to get there and have a room. If she doesn't show up he has said he is cutting her out of our lives. I understand she wants to be there but I just cant look at her atm. My sisters have offered to 'buffer' me from her all day!

    She can just about have a table place but nothing else is being changed to accommodate her!

    So im done, im not letting her ruin my day anymore!

    Thank you ladies, I just needed to vent it or I would have ended up in tears lol! Im still gobsmacked at how self centered people can be!
  18.  
    • MrsRMalone2b
      CommentAuthorMrsRMalone2b
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Blimey. You can almost imagine it from a weird distant aunt or cousin but a mother to seemingly care so little about her sons wedding? Completely alien to me.... At least you have an answer now. Hope that's the lady of the madness for you, if there's any more just pass the phone to your OH without comment halfway through the conversation and smile sweetly before heading for a nice relaxing bath.

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