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Guests: Feeling bad :(

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    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Long story short but my oldest friend that I've known for years but we sort of drifted apart then got back In touch has a mental health problem ( only diagnosed few years ago) but basically if she gets under any big stress she blacks out and disassociates but has been doing a lot better as time goes on. So I decided it would be best not to have her as part of the wedding party as don't want her to feel under pressure but also wouldn't want to go to all that and both spend all that money for her to miss the big day as I know she'd feel super guilty and she already tells me she feels bad about missing both my baby showers and engagement party! But now I feel bad talking about my bridal party in front of her as feel she's sat their thinking why not me! And I don't feel I can say it's be jade of your mental health problem ( can't remember the name) as it will just stress her out n she will feel even guilter about it so should I just not mention anything n carry on? I know she's just happy to be invited but still feel slightly bad as she is friend I've known longest although we did drift apart ( long story but due to her mum thinking I was bad influence due to being my own person although she was one who got into a lot of trouble with her 'friends') and when she started having problems again they got back in contact ( as her so called friends ditched her and I feel her mum then decided I was actually the real friend!!)
  2.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Okay, you actually did the right thing and spared her a lot of stress. You took the lesser of two evils which in the end she will feel relieved about. I can assure you she will still enjoy herself at your wedding and she will be far more relaxed. Being a bridesmaid is a job. A lot of people think you just turn up in a nice dress and have a few drinks paid for you by the groomsmen. No. The bridesmaid is a support structure for the Bride as well as will be ensuring things are running smoothly and you've said yourself your friend has a condition which means she blacks out when she is stressed and if this happened while she was being a bridesmaid for you she would feel absolutely terrible and even more stressed. Believe me, you did good for her though neither of you may see it at the moment.

    Maybe do something special with her like a best friend dance or ask her if she would like to be a female usher which is a far less stressful job?

    Members signature icon
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  3.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks Hun I know my decision was the best choice but just feel bad for her because of she didn't have the condition she'd be part of it. And I know her mum will have the issue of why it not her! Even though deep down we all know thes stress n worry it would cause her n me as I wouldn't want her to feel that stressed on the day, where as this way I know if her blackouts get bad n she's in a wheelchair on the day it won't be so upsetting for her. Think I just needed someone to tell me I wasn't taking the easy way out of a hard situation x
  4.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We all sometimes just need a little reassurance we've made the right decision when it doesn't seem like either one is the right choice. If her mum causes a ruckus just explain your decision honestly. She should accept it and be relieved but it depends on the type of person she is.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
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  5.  
    • CommentAuthorSamanthaW362
      BadgeBadge
     
    yaa,, nice idea from victoria

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  6.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If you wanted her to be involved but not have too much pressure, could she be a witness? She could sign the register for you and perhaps have a special corsage to feel involved but its not a pressured role. X
 

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