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Wedding Forum - Feeling a quite bad......

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  1.  
    • clair
      CommentAuthorclair
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 24th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hey ladies, I just need to get things off my chest I know this is a good place to do it.
    So I have a friend she has been a very good friend for a while. I posted once saying that I had to tell her she couldn't be a bridesmaid (she automatically assumed that she would be one as we always said we would be each other's bridsmaids when were little). Any way, when I got engaged her boyfriend at the time was very ill so wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. So I made arrangements for her to go with another really good friend if ours. Wich was great because them they both won't be on there owne and the will have some one to talk to and get ready with :).
    But now she had a new boyfriend! I am very happy for her and he is a lovely person and much better for her. But now I have NO room at all for him to be her date :(. I have had to tell her this and she was very dissapointed and upsett :(. She knew the I had arranged for he to go with out other good friend but obviously that's not the same as going with her boyfriend. He can come to the evening do so it's not all bad.. I just feeling really bad as I have had to let her down twice now. I just feeling like a bit of a really bad friend...
    It's amazing how planning a wedding can have so meany ups and downs! And how it really compromises relationships between friends and family! Xx

    Sorry if this makes no seance I am dyslexic so find it hard to write things like this down. X

    Members signature icon
    Started going out with my Gorgeous man 7/11/2010
    Got engaged on the 21/9/2013
    became mrs Thornton on the 2/8/2015
    our wedding day was the best day ever :)!
  2.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 24th 2014
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    You haven't let her down twice.. you've done nothing wrong! She shouldn't have automatically thought she was going to be a bridesmaid, same as she can't automatically think that her new boyfriend would receive an invitation. I appreciate she is upset but surely she couldn't have expected you to invite him - I'm sure she understands that you have no room. At least he gets to come in the evening, it's not like he isn't invited at all and you've done all you can to make everyone happy as best you can!! xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  3.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 24th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I suspect you're probably more bothered by this than she is :-) As Flossie said, you've done nothing wrong: I'd never assume I was going to be a bridesmaid, even for one of my very best friends, as there are so many factors that come into play and not everyone can be a bridesmaid. As far as the boyfriend goes, we were pretty strict on plus one's; I wouldn't have invited a boyfriend of a frined if they'd only been together 8 months, unless I knew him really well. And in your case, there is another factor, which is space. She will have a friend there, and her boyfriend can come for the evening, so I wouldn't worry. If it's a hotel wedding and they're staying at the venue, you could maybe invite him to the ceremony if you have space and feel really bad, but you really don't need to :-)
  4.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 24th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    How long has she been with this boyfriend...is it serious...do they live together? I just think if they've been together a while and maybe live together and she's a good friend, then I would have made room for him at my wedding and it is still 8 months til your wedding, it's not like they've just got together and your wedding is next month, where I would definitely agree with you on this. We invited all partners of friends all day if they had been together longer than 6 months by the time of our wedding as invites etc didn't go out til 3months before. I did have one friend who split with her boyfriend and the week before the wedding asked if she still had a plus one to which we said no as we didn't want anyone we didn't know there, but I personally think you should make an exception here x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  5.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 24th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I understand where you're coming from KelBel, but it's not necessarily that simple if they're literally up to their maximum numbers. We had a strict limit of 62 for the day, there was no physical way of extending that, so had one of our single friends got a new partner after the save the date's went out 11 months before, there was nothing we could do about it; we didn't want to not invite close friends and family on the off-chance someone else might have a partner by the time of the wedding.

    So, while I would certainly accommodate him if possible, from clair's post I got the impression that they simply do not have space, and if they've already told people who are invited the date, then it would be horrendously rude to revoke an invitation from one of those people to make space for him.
  6.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 24th 2014
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    It is difficult but if it is out of your control it's not your fault. You can't exactly uninvite anyone. Maybe put the boyfriend top of the reserve list in case anyone pulls out.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  7.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    you have not let her down at all, i think your friend probably understands and you might just be worrying about nothing and if she doesn't understand then she isn't a very good friend
    xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  8.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You've done nothing wrong, so please don't worry. Guest lists/invitations are the trickiest part to planning in my opinion. We invited most couples by name, but for some people we put a name plus guest on the invites for people who we were sure who they would bring (or in my brother's case, changes his girlfriends quicker than the weather changes)
  9.  
    • clair
      CommentAuthorclair
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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    Thank you girls I do feel better looking at you posts. It is just a simple cace of numbers we have got 60 adults guests and can't extend on that. She has only been with him for a few months so they may not even be together when I get married. She is not on her own as we have our friend that will be keeping her company all day. She prob dose understand, I just felt guilty that's all. Xx

    Members signature icon
    Started going out with my Gorgeous man 7/11/2010
    Got engaged on the 21/9/2013
    became mrs Thornton on the 2/8/2015
    our wedding day was the best day ever :)!
  10.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 25th 2014
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    You've nothing to feel guilty about :) xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  11.  
    • EmmaG
      CommentAuthorEmmaG
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 26th 2014
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    personally , if she is a good friend of yours, she shouldn't even get upset about it, she should totally understand ! its not your fault she got a new boyf and wants him to come.. wouldn't worry about it :)

    Members signature icon
    Soooooo excited to be marrying my Best Friend !!
    Life is Wild, Love it Live it !

 
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