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  1.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sorry for the rant but this is going to be a long one so well done if you get to the end! I am getting married in just over three months now and have never felt like it is my wedding! Everything has been done to please others and yesterday just pushed me over the edge! Two years ago we were looking at transport for the wedding and I really really wanted a horse and carriage. My dad is allergic to horse hair so I checked first with him whether it would be okay and he said it would but then my h2b said he didn't want one to take us from the church to the reception venue so I gave it up and we booked a car. Well I saw one the other day and said to my h2b that I really would have liked one and he told me if it meant that much to me then I could have one. I started looking at some and told my dad and he then said that he wouldn't be able to go in one because of his allergy and if I got one then he wouldn't be going to the wedding full stop! Now before I sound like a selfish little brat I just want to point out that I have nothing at my wedding that I actually want! I wanted to get married abroad but h2b's grandparents are too old to travel so we are doing it in the UK. We are getting married at the church I was christened at because that was the second best to a wedding abroad and my parents wanted us to get married there. We have a Mercedes E class that is doing about 4 trips to and from the church because that's what my h2b wanted which means the car will have been seen three times before I even get there! We are having our reception at a place I don't like but my h2b and both sets of parents do and is in our budget, we are having fake flowers because my dad has a pollen allergy when I would have preferred real, we are having pork instead of chicken because my dad can't eat chicken, we are having soup for starters as I have a fish allergy to which my dad complained most people would prefer prawn cocktail and I was being selfish by making people have soup. We have over 130 guests because my h2b and his parents have invited over 100 people that 'had' to be there, and most of them I don't know (I wanted a small intimate day), my dad has invited four friends all day that I have never met (he has paid for them) because he will feel more comfortable doing a speech with them there. I wanted coral bridesmaid dresses but my bridesmaids preferred a champagne one so I bought them that instead. I bought a dress I liked but it has everything my h2b hates on it so I feel guilty for buying it as I didn't think about him, just me. We have a Greek band in the evening because h2b is Greek and that is what is traditional. So I really have nothing that I want, and now I have said about the horse and carriage I am made to feel like the worst person in the world for actually wanting something for me. Am I being out of order or over reacting? Please be honest, I won't be offended :) xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  2.  
    • leasa
      CommentAuthorleasa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I feel for you! It should feel like "your" day.

    There always has to be compromise, but the overall feeling should be a bringing together of both of you.

    My oh is also Greek. I wanted to get married abroad in Greece but we settled for a Greek church here (same reasons as you), we will have a Greek band at the reception but only for an hour or so...I put my foot down that both our tastes are catered for, so we'll combine it.

    Find something that makes you (and only you) happy and insist.

    I'm sure you'll have a fabulous day regardless of how you feel now...but if it's not about you...what is the day for?

    Members signature icon
    Met 30th May 2005
    Proposed in Monte Carlo August 25th 2013
    Became Mrs K on 30th May 2015
    Married my Gorgeous Greek God
  3.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsManiatt
      BadgeBadge
     
    Aww no :( I understand you want to make others comfortable, but its your day too! My H2B told me off for caring too much about other people too! Is there any way you can have the horse and carriage to the reception so your Dad wont be in it? And dont worry about the dress, YOU chose it, YOU like it, and your hubby wont care if its not his thing coz you will look beautiful :)
    xxx
  4.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh hun, hugs!

    It's always a difficult balance to strike. I have allergies and so I am the one who had different food from all the guests and in my opinion had much nicer food, this way we catered for everyone, keeping most happy and then pleasing me by having something special. How bad is your dad's allergy? Can he get dosed up on antihistamines? I have a pollen allergy and suffer badly with hay fever but had real flowers but ensured I had plenty of antihistamine.

    I know you're feeling like it's not your day, maybe you need to sit down and list things that you want and have. Speak to your h2b and family about the things that mean a lot to you and work out a solution so that you can have things you'll be happy with.

    The car I wanted was vetoed by hubby and my dad, whilst the car was important to me in the grand scheme of things it wasn't such a deal breaker.

    I'm sure your dress will be loved by h2b as you'll be in it. Remember my thread before my wedding when I was worried hubby wouldn't like it because he wasn't very complimentary about dresses he'd seen on DTTB? They were similar to my dress, you and others on here assured me he'd love it because I was wearing it.

    Things will work out but you need to speak to your family and h2b xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  5.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     


    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  6.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I so feel for you hun, this sounds like its going to be the worst day ever for you , it should be half and half you and your oh. it sounds like its going to suck for you, If it were me I would of throne a massive hissy fit ages ago.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  7.  
    • TheFutureMrsK
      CommentAuthorTheFutureMrsK
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It sounds like your whole day has been dictated by other people :( you need to have something thats just for you. Is there anything else that you can compromise on? that way you can put your own stamp on the day.

    Can I ask you a question? I know you can't but if you were to have your wedding abroad what would you have there? Is there any way you can incorporate that into your day here? xxx

    “Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
    -Ambrose Bierce

  8.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I feel for you sweet, you should not feel like this on your wedding and thankfully you have a place like this where you can vent. The problem is we give a little ground on one thing and then we can't help but do the same for others to be fair and before you know it... somethings gone wrong and you have become overwhelmed with a day everyone else wants but you. In regards to the dress... trust me when I say that regardless of what your OH thinks now... He will VERY likely think differently when he see's you for the first time in it. The problem with having a wedding (this is my opinion not necessarily that of others) that is also paid for by others is that gives them a sense of entitlement to dictate how the wedding should be and in a sense they kinda do but that doesn't mean they get to have a strop when something doesn't go their way. My OH and I don't like the feeling of oweing anyone anything and we're also control freaks so we're paying for everything ourselves. We've been offered assistance but we have very kindly said no but if they want to help contribute to our honeymoon to make it more special we would really love that.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  9.  
    • VickiS63
      CommentAuthorVickiS63
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I feel for you, I really do and it's obviously really getting to you.

    Why don't you have a sit down with H2b & let him know how you're feeling. Perhaps you can incorporate some things that you do want, in to the wedding. For example, although your dad has a pollen allergy, perhaps just your bridal bouquet could be flowers (depending on how severe your dads allergy is?).

    Just try to think to yourself, that although it may not be what you are after, the most important thing of the day is that you are marrying the love of your life - Hopefully that will cheer you up a little bit.
  10.  
    • clair
      CommentAuthorclair
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I can't believe u have compromised on so much! You are for more understanding them me! As for the horse and carriage, if u want it have it!! If your dad's Allergy is that bad he can meet you at the front of the church, I know it is not tradition but maybe that can be a compromise? Xx

    Members signature icon
    Started going out with my Gorgeous man 7/11/2010
    Got engaged on the 21/9/2013
    became mrs Thornton on the 2/8/2015
    our wedding day was the best day ever :)!
  11.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
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    It's amazing how hypocritical people can be with weddings. You have to cater for your Dad's allergies but shouldn't cater for your own? I think I would have thrown a tantrum by now. At the end of it I don't think the details will bother you so much, but if there's something you really care about you should have it. Maybe put your parents in the wedding car together while you have the horse and cart. You may need to throw a hissy fit and tell everyone that this is your day and you've had enough of having to please everyone else. As for food, we're having what we want and the chef will provide separately for any allergies.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  12.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks ladies, my parents made me feel like I was in the wrong for getting upset about it and like I hadn't thought about my dad at all, even though the majority of my wedding has been planned around my dad! I think the only thing I can do is have the horse and carriage from the church to the reception and get the car to the church with my dad. I mentioned about meeting me down there and he threw a hissy fit and told me that he wouldn't come at all if that was the case, so yet again, he is getting his own way! I don't mind with compromising with h2b with the band and guests as it is his wedding too, but I feel like its not worth arguing over anything with any one else as I just get hassle when I do, so it's easier just to give into what others want and keep schtum about how I feel. The only thing that has stopped me from cancelling the whole thing is me thinking that all that matters at the end of the day is that I'm married to my h2b but at the same time, I don't want to spend my whole day thinking that its not what I wanted it to be :( I've tried talking to my parents but they keep saying that I am having a wedding that most people would kill for and I'm being ungrateful and selfish by not liking or wanting bits of it :( I told my h2b today that I seriously feel like just going to the church, marrying him and then going home! Just had enough of it all now xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  13.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Big hugs for you!

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  14.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh hunni! Hugs!

    Do you have a sister or brother who would understand and be able to speak to them for you?
    They need to understand that it's not about what everyone else wants, this is about your marriage to your h2b, not their marriage or wedding.

    Parents can unfortunately throw their toys out of the pram if the day isn't what they think it should be, my parents were a nightmare during the planning of my sister's wedding, thank goodness I had it easy.

    The last thing you want is regrets as you'll be looking back on your wedding day for the rest of your life xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  15.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I can't believe your dad could make that comment about the starter when you have done so much to cater for his allergies.... also not EVERYONE would prefer prawn cocktail anyway-it's personal preference and if you preferred the soup that would be good enough reason to go for it never mind the fact that you have an allergy so the option has to be the soup.

    People can really lose their way when it comes to weddings and I feel so bad that you are feeling like this about yours :(

    You need to make sure you have the things that are important to you. I hope you manage to get the horse and carriage for some of your day *hugs*




  16.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I also agree with what others have said about oh loving your dress once he see's you in it, he'll also see how happy and confident you feel in it which will make him love it more then any dress he might have preferred just from looking at models wearing them.




  17.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks Girls, my dad has always been the same, it is either his way or no way! I don't know why I expected it to be any different! And he is oblivious to everything I've done for him, whenever I mention it he says it had nothing to do with him, I chose to do it. He's been like it my whole life so I'm used to it by now but it isn't making wedding planning enjoyable or easy for me!

    InDreamland I only have a brother but he is Autistic and clashes big time with my dad so there is no one who can talk to them, only me. Problem is my mum agrees with me on the majority of things but won't go against my dad on anything, so he is very used to having no one stand up to him or make him do something he doesn't want to. It's just something I have to accept I suppose, I just thought he might be a bit different for my wedding day but obviously I was wrong :( xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  18.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh, sending you big hugs. Someone needs to speak to him, what about an uncle or aunt?

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  19.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    BOOK THAT HORSE AND CARRIAGE NOW

    I understand that your father may have a horse hair allergy but sitting in a carriage 4ft behind a horse he won't be affected unless that is he CHOOSES to go and touch the horse ....to say if you book it it won't come yo the wedding at all is just ridiculous .. If it's really that bad you travel in the carriage n he can meet you there

  20.  
    • MrsRMalone2b
      CommentAuthorMrsRMalone2b
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Firstly; big squishy hugs. Secondly: Buy dad some piriton and book it! It's your day, not his! Blimey I'd have had a gigantic strop by now if my family and friends were being so selfish! Just read your story to my h2b, he says please say something as you'll only remember your day for all the wrong reasons. Being bullied is no way to start a marriage or plan a wedding. Love to you sweetheart

    Members signature icon



  21.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
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    I really hope you can work things out to have your dream wedding day xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  22.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks ladies, I am going to have one but looks like it will only be from the church to the reception and I will be going to the church with my dad in the car as he just will not budge :( I'm pretty gutted to be honest but at least I will get it for a little bit, he told me I have to learn to compromise! He just can't see how much I've already compromised on! Oh well, at least I have partly got what I want, that's more than I would normally get! Xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  23.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Can I ask ... Does your dad react to horses if he is on a pavement and they trot past , or if you go some where and they are in the versinity ?

    He could go to the chemist and get antihistamine tablets ..... I think he is being very selfish and it's him that needs to learn to compromise.

    At least you will have your carriage when you are are your happiest. ....after you have got married .

  24.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    What would happen if you called his bluff and said you were going to the church in the carriage? How would you feel if he went through with his threat? If you threw a major tantrum and said no one could go unless they did what you wanted would he take notice?

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  25.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm sorry, but is there any medical reason why your Dad can't take antihistamines? I'm highly allergic to horsehair, cats, pollen, and many other things. It's very well controlled with antihistamines.
  26.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    No my dad is on antihistamines that he was prescribed by the doctor because he has an allergy to dust and pollen so is constantly on them! He also has asthma and is saying that he will be wheezing all day if he is anywhere near a horse! Elinor he would go through with it 100% and then blame me for it! He doesn't make idle threats and I couldn't get married without my dad there :( the fact is that he doesn't want to go in one so will make any reason he wants as to why I couldn't have one! He isn't even happy with my compromise as he told me I had better not touch the horse because he won't be able to be near me for the rest of the day then and that if I go anywhere near it I will have to go and have a wash to make sure it is all off of me! But I don't care, I am having one, I've made a compromise (again!) and he won't be in it but me and my H2b will be after we are married and he isn't gonna stop that too no matter how hard he tries! Xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  27.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You go Linzi-jo, I still think you shouldn't have to compromise and you should have what you want if you can afford it but you are getting it at some point and that's a win in the end! Be strong sweet!

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  28.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Glad you managed to have it even if just for part of the journey xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  29.  
    • Becky1608
      CommentAuthorBecky1608
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Aw hun I really feel for you!!! You shouldn't have had to make so many compromises! I'm so glad you booked the horse and carriage for you and your H2B. Don't understand how you're selfish for picking soup over prawn cocktail when you're dad's being so flippin' childish over a horse!!! It's your day too and you should have things that you want! Xxx

    Members signature icon
    29/09/2008 - The Day we met
    12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
    04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
    08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
  30.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks girls :) just glad I can afford to have the one thing I want at such a late date! The horse and carriage place I got in touch with had a cancellation for my date so it seems like it was meant to be! Calling them on the 16th June to arrange a viewing of the horses and carriages! First thing in the whole wedding I've actually got excited about! Xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  31.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'm glad to hear your excited about it :) It's very likely on the day you will be more wrapped up in the glow of being married and all the worries you have had will fall away and you just won't care about what anyone else thinks because you're now Mrs ***!!! SQUEEEE!!! and internally you'll want to do that excited little girl run/jump on the spot stuff :)

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  32.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Awww I'm so glad you're feeling excited about it xx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  33.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thank you ladies! Really don't know what id do without you all! Xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  34.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It'll be a great moment for you and H2B getting into the carriage together and riding off, much better than if your Dad was sat there moaning. Maybe you need to do what I suggested to someone else, and have a blessing on your first anniversary where you make no compromises.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  35.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Elinor I have already told h2b we will be renewing our vows abroad on our tenth wedding anniversary so that I can have the day I have always wanted :) xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
 

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