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  1.  
    • ChantelleS19
      CommentAuthorChantelleS19
      Posted: Apr 12th 2016
     
    My father has kindly offered to help pay for my wedding. However he is now acting like because of this he should be able to decide who gets and invite and how I should have the day. I'm looking for a bit of advise on what I should do. My father has quite a temper so talking it through like reasonable adults may not work. Should I just put my foot down and tell him it's my day not his or should I just not take the money with the strings attached. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
  2.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Apr 12th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If he won't talk it through, how about writing him a letter, explain how grateful you are that he is helping out with the costs, but it is your day and you'd like it to go how you want it to go, invite who you want to invite.

    How do you think he would take it if you turned round and said if that is not the case, you'd rather pay for it yourself?

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  3.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 12th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Like your post GF. :)

    I think parents forget that it is not like the old days where the whole thing would be paid for by the bride's family, therefore the bride's parents get a say in everything as it is their money.

    It is a very nice gesture of your dad, but exactly how much is he wanting to pay towards it? Are the people he wants to invite people you know or you want to invite? How large a wedding would you like - could you say you just want a small wedding therefore there is not the space for the people he wants to come?

    I suppose your response and the way you handle it depends on how you think your dad will react. As GF says it would be interesting to see his reaction if you turned him down as you didn't want to abide by his conditions.

    My mum said to me once that if something is a gift it shouldn't come with conditions. And you certainly shouldn't give to receive, as sounds the case here.
  4.  
    • ChantelleS19
      CommentAuthorChantelleS19
      Posted: Apr 12th 2016
     
    Thank you both for your advise. He's paying for the venue and me and my partner are sorting the rest out. It's only going to be a small wedding and the people he wants me to invite are his friends who I have never met. I think my best option is to just try to make him realise that he can't dictate how it should be. Failing that to just dismiss his help altogether. Here's hoping that won't cause any arguments.
  5.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 12th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    To be honest I don't see why you have to invite people you haven't met.
    I can see where your dad might get the idea from that he has some sort of right to invite people as he's paying for the venue which is usually quote a large chunk but I think you need to sit down with him and let him know its family and close friends only.
  6.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    my parents paid for our venue all day and I made it clear form day 1 that the guests would be who me and h2b want and not one of their friends. I've let them invite a few friends to the evening do as a compromise but day guests are who we choose only. I would try and talk to him but def keep your foot down otherwise you'll end up with half the guests being strangers and I wouldn't want that!

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
 
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