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Wedding Forum - Father of groom!!!Advice Please!!??...

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  1.  
    • KR84
      CommentAuthorKR84
      Posted: May 14th 2014
     
    This is my 2nd post here in my first night posting,letting it all out lol.I have already mentioned the table plan in previous post & my other problem is my grooms father.He has never got involved in any family occasions,never attended any of our childrens christenings or birthdays,bar the 1 we had in their home & 1 of our childrens 1st bday in our home.Neither has he attended any of my eldests communions.Never gives my kids so much as a "Happy Birthday" on the phone.We have 4 children,the eldest 11!!!So 11 yrs of this.

    He suffers from depression(as do I) & diabetes & doesn't do very much anymore.Though back when my kids were younger he was able to go on buses into town,walk about on his own & then he bought himself a car.Did he visit us then....No!My point is that this man,yes my h2bs father,wants to go out & buy the exact same suit as my partner,go in the wedding cars,sit at the top table(if he decides to go to the reception)& make a speach.Tho this may all sound normal & very touching to many of you,he's not going to read the speach!He wants his daughter to read it for him.He can't because of his "illnesses"....yes ignorance!

    I think he is being extremely insulting towards his son & don't think he should have any say in any of it.He has never shown any interest & yet I'm always expected to flock to them.He never seen my 3rd child until she was 8weeks because I refused to bring her down to theirs & my 4th child it took 3weeks & I had to run to them once again.He is always given an excuse for his depression,or diabetes or 1 of the many things he supposedly has.I am starting to resent my partner because he won't put his foot down & say how he feels.He never says anything to his family & told them how interfering they are & how we're both left feeling.I have voiced my opinion in many ways but think this is up to my partner as it's his family.Am I wrong???
  2.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 14th 2014
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    It has to be up to your OH otherwise it may look bad on you. I completely get your frustration though if he couldn't be bothered with your lives before then why should the wedding be any different? As for the speech - I was under the impression that traditionally its the father of the bride who gets up and says a few words whilst the father of the groom get to just sit there and enjoy the day. What would the speech even say: 'This is the first time in 11 years I have shown the slightest interest in these guys and would just like to officially welcome my daughter-in-law to the family. I remember the day when... when... oh, nevermind. To the happy couple!'
  3.  
    • KR84
      CommentAuthorKR84
      Posted: May 14th 2014
     
    That's exactly what I was thinking,as in what would he actually have to say & yes my father is the one who should be making the speech.I have made this point and my partners sister said that her dad was to make one as well & felt he should but that she would be reading it for him.The man is 57 not 77 too incase you get the impression that he may also be old & frail.It's all attention seeking.He has too have the worst illness over everyone including our children.All he does is sit & drink coke all day then preach to people like some know it all.Really angers me.I just feel he doesn't like me as he's shown no respect or the slightest bit of interest in our family.My partner is his first born too so he should be trying for him.I have been in my partners face continuously over it all & don't know if I should be.
  4.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 14th 2014
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    Once you've told your OH how you feel you should then leave it well alone - the last thing you want is to be the one who comes between your partner and his family (regardless of how annoying they are).
    Its annoying that people make assumptions about your wedding (my Grandad for instance went and invited 10 of his friends without consulting me meaning I had to knock 10 of our friends from the guestlist) but ultimately how much would this speech impact on your day? Picture yourselves on your wedding day and listening to his sister make a speech - are you happy/sad/angry/honoured by the effort at long last? You can always tell them that because the traditional speeches are done by FOB, Groom then bestman following a rather long meal, you're worried that your guests (especially the younger members) will be getting very restless so if they are to insist on delivering an additional non-traditional speech you would like for them to keep it under 2 minutes so that the little ones can let off some steam as quickly as possible. Paint an awful picture for them of the kids getting restless and noisey during the speeches... make them not want to go through with making a speech.
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    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: May 14th 2014
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    I have in laws similar to yours and they have cause me so much stress I could punch SIL in the face. They don't bother with us and it's us that go and visit them and they then moan oh we haven't seen you for ages etc etc.

    There has been a whole lot of agro on in laws part due to them not booking the other family room for the wedding (hotel only had 2) and my friend booked it. There has been a lot of grief from them over the years about various different things and it gets to me basically I'm not good enough for them. I used to argue with h2b about it but there came a point were I thought hang on a minute us arguing is what they want, so I now just tell him what's going on and what's bugging me about them and leave it at that. He is now at the stage on his life were he really doesn't care about his mother and sisters but they are his family x

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  6.  
    • KR84
      CommentAuthorKR84
      Posted: May 14th 2014
     
    Showgirl its not that the speech wouldn't be appreciated but 1.The man does nothing for us apart from talk down & 2.I want my dads speech to be the main one (I know there'll be a long sloppy one from his dad).Elizabeth you must have my IL2Bs best mates they sound soooo alike.Ive felt 2nd best 2 them for yrs & they always expect me 2 run & if I'm not down say 2wks I get "Did we do something wrong??" or my SIL texts my partner sayin that her dad hasn't seen my kids & his house is the only place he can see them.My parents live in England & visit more often.I'm really exhausted with it all.They always take over & it has 2 stop now . They've tried telling us who 2 invite 2 wedding & have even told people they're invited & others that they've plus 1's!!My mother's paying & hasn't interferred at all.
 
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