ARGGG and its not even wedding stuff! Basically, trying to cut a long story short: My family live in guernsey. My aunty is planning a big do for her 70th in november. My aunty told us in january, giving us nearly a years notice so that we would be able to ensure we could get over . I contacted my cousin who i always got on quite well with and asked if we would be able to stay with him, he said yes of course. So all seemed good. Well, then i get told that i have upset my aunty because she was planning on offering to put us up so that she could spend the time with the kids, and she hadnt told that part of the family that far in advance yet. Well anyway, this last couple of weeks dad told me i had to get in touch with my cousin as his parents were staying with him following selling their house and the one they were buying falling through so he possibly wouldnt be able to put us up. So i messaged him asking him. In the meantime, other cousins have said to me that they (uncle and aunty) have bought their house and will be moved in by november so it shouldnt be a problem. Dad is saying other aunty wants me h2b and the kids to stay with her, in same sex bedrooms.
Now i am really not comfortable with this, and tbh neither is h2b. He is not my sons dad, and whilst i have no concerns what so ever trust him 110%, we are well aware that sadly in this day and age them sharing a room puts h2b at risk of serious accusations, my son walks in his sleep and i feel that if he hurts himself in the night then my h2b is at risk. It is also the first time h2b will have been over there, we already live together, i think we should be allowed our own privacy. Dad is saying its a generation thing, and i understand that, but surely things should be seen from our perspective as well? We live together, we are getting married, i already have 2 children, i am not paying out the money to fly over there with my family to be treated like a child! Anyway, dad suggested that i tell them i cant afford it. well, that would be lying, coz i can afford it! Plus i know that i was given nearly a years notice to ensure i could afford it, so of course aunty will still be annoyed with me. I would be annoyed if i gave someone a years notice for a big birthday bash and the month before they said they couldnt afford it! Wouldnt you be?
Well the cousin who i was going to be staying with has messaged saying he cant have us, no reason, just a lot of stuff going on in his life and ask someone else. Then he has blocked and deleted me on facebook?! I have no idea why, but i know that this has now sparked some anger and frustration amongst my other cousins who were very much looking forward to seeing me (but who like i said are unable to help) So my aunty isnt back for 3 weeks, so cant sort it out with her, this is totally going to spark a row, i know all too well what the family is like! My h2b has not met half my family....or even nearly half my family, and this is his first impression of them!? Gonna make planning the wedding guest list well fun isnt it!!! grrrrr Sorry, just need to vent!
CommentAuthoreebeegeebee
I don't get it, why would you H2B be at risk if he stayed in the same room as your son? Surely they know each other well enough not to accuse each other of anything funny? I just don't quite see how this would even be an issue, it wouldn't even occur to me :S
Hope it doesn't lead to a big fight, that would be awful.
CommentAuthorGoff
I dont get it either tbh??
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthorRachie :D
I understand - sorry I cant really go into details but I do understand it - why cant you have both kids in with you and h2b on his own? not ideal I know but a way round it xxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
Not accusations from me or from each other, but from the outside world if little man hurt himself through the night. We just feel that given how the world seems to be these days it would leave h2b at risk of allegations, i am glad that you understand raekim. Everyone else i hae spoken to about this agrees that it is a issue.
Little man is coming up 6 and isnt h2b's son, and there is a history of abuse from his dad, have spoken with h2b and he totally agrees with me and feels uncomfortable.
As for me sleeping in with the kids, well she has 2 twin rooms, so idealy 2 people in each room, though if it can be arranged i would possibly be happy with that though it still raises the issue that h2b wants to be able to have some privacy with me after meeting the family for the 1st time (especially given my family and their history of big mouths :( )
We cant even really discuss it with her for 3 weeks until she is back from the states and by that time it will be trickier to sort flights / time off etc.... PLUS h2b is now making faces about the whole idea of going because he doesnt understand my aunties view, in all honesty neither do i because she has had other unmarried cousins of mine stay with her.....he feels we are being treated like kids basically.
I still don't get it. If you trust him then who cares what other people may or not alledge? I've never met anyone who automatically jumps to the conclusion that a man left alone with a little boy will cause some form of abuse.
Can't your two kids share a room and then you share with h2b?
CommentAuthorGoff
Just because he suffered abuse from his dad doesnt mean your H2B is gonna be accused of anything though?
If this is such a major issue - and it sounds like it is - then is it wise to be getting married????
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
ok hun no offence intended by this but you are looking way to much into this! if you trust your h2b and there have been no issues with you living in the same house then what is the problem? and like goff said if there is an issue over your little boy and h2b then why r u getting married?
your family just sound like they all want a piece of you! lol be flattered!!! and maybe ask someone else now xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorAtaraxia
I think you should go and sod what people say, people talk and nothing will ever stop them from saying anything no matter what you do, some people will make a mountain out of any molehill!
Got married 27th June and blessed on July 5th 2012
Finally Mrs M :3
Love, love... Here we are.
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
You dont understand it is tricky. It seriously isnt an issue for US we have no concerns what so ever. What we are uncomfortable with is the risk it puts h2b at from outsiders. In all honesty i cant expect everyone to understand it, but it is how h2b and i feel, my dad agrees and understands, there are other family members who do understand as well but are in no position to help. It is how the world is, adults having to be so careful when children are involved.
I posted about an issue that was causing me stress with family to vent because h2b is stuck working late and i am in on my own with no one to talk to feeling incredibly stresed and upset by things, i did not really expect women on here to make me feel worse about it and question us getting married.
I have not said that anyone would automatically assume it, just that all of us who know my son and have regular contact with him know what he is like in the night, he sleep walks, falls out of bed etc etc.... at home it isnt a major issue, but in strange houses he has been known to have all sorts of accidents, and the first time a lot of the family who dont see us very often and who have never met h2b before may raise questions if there is an accident in the night. Even H2B is aware the issues, it is nothing to do with trust or anything like that. Whatever anyone of you think, regardless of the circumstances, would any of you ever make your h2b enter into a situation that for whatever reason HE wasnt comfortable with? Surely if i was happy to do that then THAT would be the time to question us getting married?
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
luvlifejen, far from everyone wanting a piece of me, my cousin has blown me out and said no and now blocked and deleted me and i have no idea why, and other than my aunty (who in all fairness despite everything else, she is going to be 70 and has always lived on her own and has a very nice house full of fragile expensive stuff i would be terrified to have the kids there over night, i went there for dinner when i was on the island last year and my heart was in my throat the whole time!) lol There is no one else who can have us.
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
hunnie ur preaching to the choir i know what its like over children i think most ppl would agree, i hope you find accommodation that suits you all xx sleep walking is so dangerous my niece used to do it she's her 20's and she would go down the street into her local! but end up with cut feet and alsorts of bruises she had no idea where they came from. her bf then had to lock the front door so she couldnt get out coz she once walked in front of a car x
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
yeah its pretty scary luvlifejen, he has night terrors as well, and wakes up screaming...... we are just worried that with these things happening oversees with h2b surrounded by people who dont know h2b or little man it would be far too stressful.
