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  1.  
    • Zelda
      CommentAuthorZelda
      Posted: Feb 9th 2016
      edited
     
    Long story short, my sister is a manipulative, scheming, sociopath.

    We never got along when we were little, she tried to strangle me with a phone cord(15), held a knife to my throat to get my to do the dishes(6) she didn't want to and broke my finger to get me off the computer when she wanted on(13). number in brackets is age I was and she's 4 years older than me.

    I now have mental health issues i've been dealing with for over a decade. If other people make it apparent she's crossed the line she puts on this upset act and goes on about how it was a joke/she didn't mean it/other person being too sensitive or just flat out denies it which is why nothing happened from the things she did to me.

    We lived together for 8 months (long story, I have a problem saying no) things weren't great but I felt like things had gotten better however since i moved out we've not spoken. Sorry for so much back story but I just wanted to make it clear whats gone on to reach this point.

    My fiance and I were living with her when we got engaged and her reaction was "okay, see you later" that was it. I asked her to be the photographer and I would give her £200 as she didn't want to be part of the bridal party and she's done a few wedding photo jobs as favours for people.

    I've been nervous and upset whenever i think of her being at my wedding but i've kept it quiet as it would devastate my mum if she wasn't there and my grandparents would never let me forget that I "broke up the family on a special occasion". Today I messaged her as she's away on holiday and i got a text saying roaming data 80% used (we're on the same contract package thing) I was trying to offer a branch and all I got back was a snarky bitchy response about how she was aware of it. didn't thank me just made me feel like poo. As it was a public message on FB my mum commented saying "do you two never stop snarking at each other, even on FB" and her reply was not my fault she can't take a straight answer' i'm going now to try and enjoy the rest of my holiday away from you people.

    I just feel that if she has to get away from us and can't be civil over a stupid message trying to be helpful then she's not going to be civil or helpful at the wedding. I don't know what to do I've been crying all afternoon' I'm dreading her being there and ruining the day and atmosphere as I'll be on edge waiting for her make some bitchy comment and as photographer she knows she can order me around and potentially cause an exciting fun part of the wedding to be totally stressful.

    Sorry it's so long
  2.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Feb 9th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Is it necessary to have her as photographer? Maybe she could just be there as a guest. Do you have any friends from your childhood who know what she was like and who could keep an eye on her?

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  3.  
    • CommentAuthorLoz K
      Posted: Feb 9th 2016
      BadgeBadge
     
    I'm really tempted to say that it's your day and you should be surrounded by people that love you and make you feel good about yourself. Other people's comments about breaking up the family etc don't help - if you can't forget about the issues with your sister for your big day then you won't be able to enjoy yourself, which is the main point of the day. But I do get that you may not be able to exclude her from your day altogether. I agree you should not have her as photographer though!
  4.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Personally I would talk to your mum and say your getting another photographer as don't want the stress on your sister and get someone else to do the photography as your sister sounds like a lose canon and last thing you want is her not turning up on the day or not talking photos for some stupid reason. Maybe lay it on that you want her in the photos blablabla that way u get her away from the photography and if she doesn't turn up or kicks off she can leave without it affecting your day. But I'd make out like your doing her a favour and that its for a good reason and not just coz she's unreliable x
  5.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Feb 10th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Dont forget that you should be enjoying the run up to your big day, as well as the day itself. I know its easy to say this as an outsider, but I think you should reconsider having your sister as a photographer, let alone being there at all. x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  6.  
    • Zelda
      CommentAuthorZelda
      Posted: Feb 11th 2016
     
    Thanks guys, was in hospital yesterday so had some time to think. She's not going to be my photographer and i've found another one for about £600 who will do everything from start to finish plus an album and a DVD of 200 photos. plus gives a website and shop where other atendees can buy photos if they want.

    I'm inviting her as a courtesy she can come if she wants and if she doesn't then no one can say I didn't try. Everything i see her i want to smack her in the face so hopfully i wont see her much
  7.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Feb 11th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Make sure you have someone who you trust ready to rescue you from her if she pesters you. All they need to do is say that you're needed by someone.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  8.  
    • Celtic_Queen
      CommentAuthorCeltic_Queen
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have mental health problems too Zelda, I cannot work because of them.
    I am really glad that you got a different person as a photographer, your sister sounds so nasty and bitchy, I doubt she would care about getting the right photos for your day. At least as a guest you can avoid her on your day, she does not deserve to be in your wedding party IMHO, I am just sorry that you have to invite her.

    I think if you ever want to fix it or at least get an answer from her as to why she gives you so much abuse and venom, you should ask her directly - "Why are you so horrible to me?" . Her putting the blame on other people or saying it was a joke is a thing called gaslighting, you should look it up, it is one method used by abusive people. Your mum seems oblivious as to her mistreating you, sit your mum down and explain it all, your mum needs to know the extent of what your sister has said and done and if she does nothing then she is not fully supporting you.

    We are here for you girl, post anytime.
 
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