Wedding Forum - Doubts/nerves/fed up!!...

Hey ladies,

Im feeling really down at the moment. Dont know if its just nerves as I build up to the wedding or what.

I just feel like OH is been so unhelpful, theres certain things he wants for the wedding, like certain DJ and certain priest, but he wont book them. We only have 4 months till the wedding so can no longer have a priest (6months notice min), and people are telling me to just book them up, but when i say ill book them h2b goes off the rails. we had to have an argument yesterday just for me to get him to contact the dj he wants (its his family friend)

The alarm bells are kicking in thinking is this what he'll be like when we have kids etc. I know i love him and dont want to be without him its just really frustrating that he is making this wedding planning process so difficult and stressful. i feel totally deflated.

Just needed to vent my feelings really, hoping its just normal to feel this way and that im not the only one :( xx

It's a stressful time for you both, especially after Christmas.

Stress the importance that you need to get things done. Explain the position with the priest and maybe he will understand.

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I think for a lot of guys wedding planning is stressful and aggravating because the way society is just doesn't cater to men being excited about wedding planning. Everything related to wedding planning seems so geared towards women - and girls are brought up with the idea that their wedding will be a big magical day where no-one really says the same to boys - that the planning just doesn't seem like a thing that they can/should be involved in.
Add on to that the fact that weddings are heniously expensive nowadays and he might feel like there's lots of fuss and expense and he's not really part of it - I can understand why blokes can be resentful/grumpy about it all.

I think having children and other milestones are different from wedding planning- getting a house, having kids etc. are all things more geared towards couples than just women, and just because he's stressed about the wedding doesn't mean he'll be the same with other things, so I wouldn't worry too much about his lack of engagement with the wedding being a red flag.

However, if you're trying to have a calm conversation with him and he's blowing up about it, it might be worth sitting down when you're both calm and talking to him about how you resolve issues - ask why he reacted so badly and explain that you want to be able to have level conversations about the wedding without ending up fighting about it.

Sounds like you just have to get it done yourself and accept that he'll be upset, but at least the day will be organised. I'm confused with the issue of the priest. Is it a church wedding? If so the church will provide an officiant who will be a member of the clergy authorised to conduct marriages. If it's a civil ceremony then it can't be religious anyway. If you're having a blessing after the marriage that's more informal with no legal issues and I'd have thought someone could come in at short notice, even if the priest your OH wanted isn't available.

Unless the venue is a church you won't be able to have a religious ceremony anyway. You could have a priest or minister do a blessing immediately afterwards,

Bless you and all this stress. I would just had a conversation with him and tell him that the DJ needs to be booked or you can loose your date. Men usually think there's no need for rush, but about that you know whats needed and when, so just push him.

Mrs c 2b, I think sitting down with OH and explaining how you feel is the best way forward. It is so frustrating though, my husband was all into planning at the beginning then he wasn't so bothered, all the little jobs I gave him to do, got done the week before christmas lol xx

Michelle it's the sme in Northern Ireland where we got married x

Oh right I didn't realise it is in Scotland. I think Scottish laws are more sensible actually, it's so difficult trying to find songs that can be sung at a civil ceremony in England or Wales as there can be no religious language at all. It's also a shame that you can't marry outdoors or have a religious ceremony anywhere you like. I've known a few people who've done a small registry office ceremony to satisfy the legal requirements, and then done a religious and/or outdoor blessing wherever they like, which they have considered as their real wedding.

Lol- I really think men are wired completely differently and just don't know how to organise!

The only way I could get my oh to book our venue was talking about the wedding with his sister. I said about booking it (18 months before our date) and him and his mum said that it's too far in advance to book when his sister said to book it now as venues do get booked up well in advance. Is there someone in his family that he will listen to?