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  1.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
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    Hey ladies,

    Im feeling really down at the moment. Dont know if its just nerves as I build up to the wedding or what.

    I just feel like OH is been so unhelpful, theres certain things he wants for the wedding, like certain DJ and certain priest, but he wont book them. We only have 4 months till the wedding so can no longer have a priest (6months notice min), and people are telling me to just book them up, but when i say ill book them h2b goes off the rails. we had to have an argument yesterday just for me to get him to contact the dj he wants (its his family friend)

    The alarm bells are kicking in thinking is this what he'll be like when we have kids etc. I know i love him and dont want to be without him its just really frustrating that he is making this wedding planning process so difficult and stressful. i feel totally deflated.

    Just needed to vent my feelings really, hoping its just normal to feel this way and that im not the only one :( xx

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  2.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi MrsC2Be,

    I think most men are like this to be honest, I've done all the deposits and booking so far and when I told OH we may have to book the suits a year in advance he looked at me like I'd gone mad but moaned when I told him if he want the suits that he likes that is what we have to do.

    I have brought some photo booth props and some letters that I have put glitter on and OH asked why I had to do these things now and I explained that if there was something more important to do nearer the time and I was just sitting down sticking things together he would have a go at me for doing them at that point rather than before. I know him to well.

    He could have his own nerves at the moment and maybe that is all it is, have a sit down with him and get it all out you will feel better after. We get married May next year and I can see myself starting to freak out this time next year I really wont know want to with myself.

    Here if you need to chat xx
  3.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 29 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
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    It's a stressful time for you both, especially after Christmas.

    Stress the importance that you need to get things done. Explain the position with the priest and maybe he will understand.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  4.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
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    Hi Stacey,

    Thanks for your advice. Its so frustrating, id rather he just let me do it all, or if he wants to help actually help instead of making things harder.

    Exactly you know what needs to be done and when, and you'll need to prioritise the bigger things closer o the wedding, how dont they understand lol. Its true im going to try and speak to him, although he isnt a good speaker so itll probably turn into him thinking im nagging and him just arguing back, wish me luck :/ thanks hun xx

    Thanks Emily, yea im going to try but i dont think ill get anywhere :( thankyou xx

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  5.  
    • LauraH813
      CommentAuthorLauraH813
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      edited
     
    .
  6.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
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    Awww poor you- I think I Woukd just fit down and have an honest conversation with OH- 3 months isn't far and people will get booked up.

    My OH is a perfectionist so we are literally working on every detail- much to my annoyance! Lol

    Hope you manage to work it out xx

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  7.  
    • FayeH
      CommentAuthorFayeH
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think for a lot of guys wedding planning is stressful and aggravating because the way society is just doesn't cater to men being excited about wedding planning. Everything related to wedding planning seems so geared towards women - and girls are brought up with the idea that their wedding will be a big magical day where no-one really says the same to boys - that the planning just doesn't seem like a thing that they can/should be involved in.
    Add on to that the fact that weddings are heniously expensive nowadays and he might feel like there's lots of fuss and expense and he's not really part of it - I can understand why blokes can be resentful/grumpy about it all.

    I think having children and other milestones are different from wedding planning- getting a house, having kids etc. are all things more geared towards couples than just women, and just because he's stressed about the wedding doesn't mean he'll be the same with other things, so I wouldn't worry too much about his lack of engagement with the wedding being a red flag.

    However, if you're trying to have a calm conversation with him and he's blowing up about it, it might be worth sitting down when you're both calm and talking to him about how you resolve issues - ask why he reacted so badly and explain that you want to be able to have level conversations about the wedding without ending up fighting about it.
  8.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 4th 2017
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    Hi Lauren. Haha your H2B seems to be the same then!! Bloody men lol

    Michelle at least you know everything will be done, and just the way you both want it!! I can see how thatd be annoying in some sense, but much better in others! Managed to discuss the priest calmly yesterday without any raised voices so thats good (even though it shouldnt need raised voices!!)

    Faye I totally agree about the expense that hes not really part of it, i think thats a big thing as he cant see where the money is going even if i tell him, whereas if he had booked it all himself he would see it all adding up. I think when i ask him stuff about the wedding he sees it more as nagging, but im just asking for his opinion. Thanks very much for your advice xx

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  9.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 6th 2017
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    Sounds like you just have to get it done yourself and accept that he'll be upset, but at least the day will be organised. I'm confused with the issue of the priest. Is it a church wedding? If so the church will provide an officiant who will be a member of the clergy authorised to conduct marriages. If it's a civil ceremony then it can't be religious anyway. If you're having a blessing after the marriage that's more informal with no legal issues and I'd have thought someone could come in at short notice, even if the priest your OH wanted isn't available.

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    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  10.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 6th 2017
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    H2B wanted a particular priest but he needed 6months notice. We are getting married in the venue, we are going to see a minister this sunday so hopefully thatll go well. H2B is catholic so he is particular about who he wants, which is difficult for me to book it all without him getting the hump. At least its a step in the right direction now!

    x

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  11.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 6th 2017
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    Unless the venue is a church you won't be able to have a religious ceremony anyway. You could have a priest or minister do a blessing immediately afterwards,

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  12.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 6th 2017
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    You can have a religious ceremony in a venue other than a church. If its a catholic ceremony it can only be in the church though. We are having a christian minister perform our religious ceremony at our venue. x

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  13.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 28 months ago
      Posted: Jan 6th 2017
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    Bless you and all this stress. I would just had a conversation with him and tell him that the DJ needs to be booked or you can loose your date. Men usually think there's no need for rush, but about that you know whats needed and when, so just push him.
  14.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 7th 2017
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    Yes we had a religious service at our venue, it was the perfect compromise. xx

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  15.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 7th 2017
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      edited
     
    Mrs c 2b, I think sitting down with OH and explaining how you feel is the best way forward. It is so frustrating though, my husband was all into planning at the beginning then he wasn't so bothered, all the little jobs I gave him to do, got done the week before christmas lol xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  16.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Jan 7th 2017
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    EC - scoland is different- as long as he minister is happy to marry yiu hen you can get married anywhere- the only stipulation is that the place of marriage must have a grid reference for the marriage verification- eg if you got married on a boat you would have to stop the boat at a specific point that goes on you marriage licence- this means that if you have an outdoor ceremony- sudden,y it rains- you would still have to get married in he rain as that is what is on your marriage license

    I only know this as I was looking at getting married at the top of a hill in Scotland where my mums ashes are but we thought we cannot guarantee the weather and to make changes you need 15 days notice!

    I find it odd that the laws in Scotland are so different!

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  17.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 7th 2017
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    Michelle it's the sme in Northern Ireland where we got married x

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  18.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 9th 2017
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    OMG leanne thats going to be my H2B too, you must have been panicking that it wasnt going to get done! They definitly dont see the need to rush! Dont know wether to laugh or cry lol

    Thanks Camilla, we managed to have a conversation without him getting stressed a couple of days ago so thats good. Although then he went on to say that he doesnt need to contact the priest (for a blessing in the church) until a week before the date, i give up haha

    Yes Michelle, im originally from london, moved to scotland 3 years ago, everythings so different so it confuses me!! it should really be the same all over the uk xx

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
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  19.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 9th 2017
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    Oh right I didn't realise it is in Scotland. I think Scottish laws are more sensible actually, it's so difficult trying to find songs that can be sung at a civil ceremony in England or Wales as there can be no religious language at all. It's also a shame that you can't marry outdoors or have a religious ceremony anywhere you like. I've known a few people who've done a small registry office ceremony to satisfy the legal requirements, and then done a religious and/or outdoor blessing wherever they like, which they have considered as their real wedding.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  20.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 10th 2017
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    I know you'd think it'd be the same everywhere!

    Caught h2b googling how to make led love letters earlier (without me asking haha) he said at the beginning he wanted to make them. At least part of his brain is thinking about the wedding, deep down in there somewhere lol

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  21.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Jan 10th 2017
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    Lol- I really think men are wired completely differently and just don't know how to organise!

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  22.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2017
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    definitly haha.

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
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    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  23.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2017
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    The only way I could get my oh to book our venue was talking about the wedding with his sister. I said about booking it (18 months before our date) and him and his mum said that it's too far in advance to book when his sister said to book it now as venues do get booked up well in advance. Is there someone in his family that he will listen to?

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    Met 18/09/03
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    Getting married 05/09/17
  24.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2017
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    all his family n my family think the same as me, but he still doesnt listen. He thinks everything can be done last minute and he always thinks hes right. Luckily our weddings on a thursday, if it was a saturday most of our first choices would be fully booked!! x

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    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
 
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