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Wedding Forum - Do we invite the crazy MIL please help !...

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  1.  
    • MeganH78
      CommentAuthorMeganH78
      Posted: Jan 16th 2016
      edited
     
    Hi all, in new here! I have an issue that I need some advice with ! My h2b mother is a crazy women ! I personally don't speak to her and haven't for over a year. I have ever made it difficult for my partner or children to see her , however she's very selfish and makes no effort to see them . My partner has actually no spoken to her for over 2 months now due to her not accepting our wishes to not call her husband ( not my partners dad!) grandad to our children ... Long story ! She basically decided that her husband was grandad without even asking us our opinions. My partner stepped in and she was absolutely vile to him .. Since then they haven't spoken.she is generally a very controlling person who I don't want in my life at all and nor do I want her near my children .. ( there is a lot more she's done) but I allow it for my partners sake . She has tried to contact him since via emails and sending Christmas presents but he's not interested until he gets and apology .... So... We need to send invites out for the wedding and we don't keep wether to invite her and hubby or not ? Being brutally selfish and honest I don't want her there . I don't want to feel awkward and uncomfortable on my wedding day . She doesn't acknowledge I exsist after we fell out over a year ago and I haven't see her since. However ,I know this is my partners mum and it's his decision .. But he doesn't know what to do . They've never been close but did have a relationship before the latest fall out ( there's been loads!) . Also, if we do Invite them, would you get them thank you gifts? I'm not sure what we'd be thank thing them for ? .. I'll be getting my mum,dad,partners dad and partners step mum thank you gifts as they helped financially and mentally !...
    Has anyone been in my position ? If you did invite them how did your wedding day go? I don't want her to dampen my day :-( it's a relatively small wedding so it will be obvious she's there . Any advice ? Thanks :-) x
  2.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 16th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi Megan, if you didn't already have venue booked I would have said to go away on a family holiday with the kids and get married abroad. However...
    1- if MIL hasn't helped with wedding why would you get a gift for her? Straight no on that one.
    2- I daresay that if you do not invite her that will possibly be the end of your relationship with her for what could be forever, usually I would say do what you want its your wedding, but I think on this one you need to look at the bigger picture.
    Your OH is obviously conflicted, maybe you need to have a proper heart
    heart together and see MIL together and talk. If nothing comes of it then you may need to break away.
  3.  
     


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    Met: 2nd September 2012
    Engaged: 3rd January 2015
    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
  4.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 16th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Personally I would invite her as you have been the bigger person and have made the adult move the ball is then in her court to whether so makes the effort or not. If you don't invite you will be made out to be the bad one and your other half might look back and regret that he didn't try and if she does apologise then least your already in a position to be civil. As for the thank you gift I'd leave that till last minute as she might surprise you and suddenly act nice and want to have some form of in put and just see how it goes, even if it's a bunch of cheap flowers just to say thank you for giving birth to your new husband x
  5.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 16th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Haha I like it MrsC2bee
  6.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with MrsC2bee. If you don't invite her she will forever throw it back innyour face so be the bigger person and send the invite then she can decide. However you might want to consider a sweetheart table or having your children on the top table so she doesn't assume she will be sat up there with you.

    Perhaps a meeting, maybe first just her and your OH, in a neutral place may help her to apologise. X
  7.  
    • MeganH78
      CommentAuthorMeganH78
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
     
    Thanks everyone . I know the " best" thing to do is to invite her but selfishly I just don't want my wedding day to make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. It's not a big wedding so I can just " avoid" her ! We are already having a sweetheart table after she kicked off that she wouldn't sit on the top table without her husband ( my partner only wanted his biological dad on the top table) so after that we just thought it best we have a sweetheart ! Yes, the gift is a good idea .. At least I can thank her for producing my lovely h2b! How he ever turned out so well I have no clue ! I suppose I should sit down with him and have a really talk about it . With regards to mine and mil relationship it already is a permanent thing as far as I'm concerned she's never apologised for anything in her entire life ( that I'm aware !) so to think we will get an apology is out of the question . Her being there is going to dampen a lot of people's days . Pretty much out entire family ( on both sides ) don't like her . Just a rally sticky situation! If it wa sup to me she'd have no invite ( or maybe just evening - at a. Push!) but I know I have to do what h2b wants .... Just really down about the whole thing . Makes me not look forward to our wedding day at all :-/ x
  8.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I woukd agree with the girls, have a heart to heart with OH and then he speak to his mum- at the end of the day you have one family, to me life is too short for conflict and yiu don't want to go through life with regrets xx

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