FREE Wedding Table Planner

+ FREE Wedding Budget Planner and more wedding planning tools

Join now free to use

Wedding Forum - Disinterested MOH...

Not signed in (Sign In)

UKbride Supermarket


* Discount available to Power Users only. Terms and conditions apply. more

  1.  
    • CommentAuthorplxas6
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      BadgeBadge
      edited
     
    I’m having trouble with my maid of honour. She’s been my best friend since school, but we drifted apart when I left for uni and she has stayed at home unemployed. I got engaged and excitedly texted her to ask her to be my maid of honour – she was the obvious choice, I considered her a sister. She has never shown the least bit of interest in being a bridesmaid. I had picked an Autumn theme and decided on burgundy bridesmaid dresses. Then showing her examples of dresses all she would say is “does it have to be that colour?” or “I would have prefer grey” (which I didn't like the sound of and wouldn’t match the theme at all). She hasn’t helped in any way towards wedding planning and I wasn’t going to have a hen night, because I realised she wouldn’t bother organising anything and I had too much on my plate, but a friend from uni stepped in and has planned it all. She has been notoriously difficult to get hold of. Every time I send her a message, she sees it but doesn’t bother to reply. My wedding is now 9 days away. I have still no contact from her, no idea if she is even still going to turn up. When I visited her a few months ago, her bridesmaid dress lay crumpled in the box it came in. My future in-laws have also offered to take the entire wedding party out for dinner the night before. I relayed this message to my bridesmaids and no reply from MOH again, despite thanks from my other bridesmaid. I don’t understand why she’s just ignoring everything. She may not understand fully the role of MOH, and I have coped planning everything without her whilst doing my PhD and moving house, but the thing that bothers me the most is that she seems to be being purposefully unhelpful and ignoring my messages (I had to guess her dress size because she didn’t bother replying until long after I’d ordered the dress). I have sent her a message asking if everything is okay and whether she is still happy to be a bridesmaid, but again no reply. It may not be a particularly important day for her, but it is to me and if the roles were reversed I would be doing whatever I could to help her and wearing whatever she told me to no matter how hideous I thought it was! Really regret asking her to be MOH as I feel she has let me down and that this has altered our friendship. I’ve made it as easy as possible for her - I bought her dress, my parents are giving her a lift and she is staying at my house so there is literally no cost for her to attend. I’m going to call her at the weekend to confirm final details, but I’m worried that she won’t really bother to make an effort on the day. I don’t really know how to deal with the situation; I’m quite shy and would prefer to avoid any confrontation. Any advice?
  2.  
    • Nonna77
      CommentAuthorNonna77
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Personally, I would stop chasing her. She's shown no inclination or interest in anything about your wedding, and if I was in your situation I'd find that really hurtful. Is there anyone else who could take her place as MOH? It's your special day, and if you're worried that she won't make any effort on the day, that worry might spoil it for you to an extent. Is there anyone else who could talk to her for you, maybe one of the other bridesmaids, or your parents if you've known her since you were at school?

    I hope you get things sorted and that your big day is fantastic, with or without her :) x
  3.  
    • CommentAuthorplxas6
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    Thanks for your reply!

    There's no one else that could really take her place and it's pretty close to the big day now. I only have one other bridesmaid and they don't know each other. I'm also really worried that she won't integrate well with anyone else as she won't know anyone besides my parents.I'm hoping that when I call her at the weekend it'll make her realise she has a pretty important role. My dad has offered to talk to her, but I think that may make things worse - he doesn't always have the best way with words :P

    Thanks, hopefully I'm worrying over nothing and once she's here everything will be easier...! x
  4.  
    • Nonna77
      CommentAuthorNonna77
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sounds like my dad :P

    I hope she realises that she does have an important role and that she needs to buck her ideas up a bit, even if it is late in the day!

    All the best :) x
  5.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would just text her and say I'm assuming you're not coming to the wedding then? She sounds very rude and disrespectful! I don't know how you haven't blown up at her. Any chance your friend from Uni is the same size as the dress you've got for her? I think either you or someone else, maybe your parents give her a good speaking to and make her realise it may not mean anything to her but it's your WEDDING day that you will look back on for the rest of your life.

    My Fiances brother got married in June and he had two best men that were a bit like her (admittedly not as bad) but my FIL got them and basically said look, not only is it his wedding, it's a big day for us too as it's our son and I'm not having you ruin it for either of us by not being bothered to pull your finger out. Tbh that pretty much worked and one of them made a lovely speech about his parents and how to have a good marriage! (The other best man just gave the rings over!)

    I hope your MOH comes round, but if not, apart from the photos, just ignore her for the rest of he day! Don't be around people that will put a downer on your day.

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  6.  
    • CommentAuthorplxas6
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      BadgeBadge
      edited
     
    I guess I don't really want this to ruin our friendship, so I haven't kicked up a massive fuss, but it is becoming irritating to say the least!

    Don't think my uni friend would fit in the same dress, unfortunately, but I have considered it!

    Thanks, fortunately, she doesn't have to give a speech or do anything besides stand there, so I'm hoping that she'll be able to manage that...!
  7.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I dont have a MOH (3bms) but I think to be honest, I wouldn't be all that bothered about keeping her friendship if she doesn't respect you and your wedding day. Good job all she has to do is show up and smile in pictures if she can manage it! I think there's maybe a bit of jealousy lurking about? X

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  8.  
    • CommentAuthorplxas6
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      BadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Hmm I don't know, she's always told me that she doesn't want to get married...! I think she's just not interested. Oh well.. x
  9.  
    • HollyIsabel
      CommentAuthorHollyIsabel
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
     
    What a pain! And so close to your day. I understand why you're saying you don't want to ruin the friendship, but surely what she's doing to you is pretty damaging? It sounds like she's seeking a little bit of attention........
  10.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    That is annoying. My MOH had a lot on her plate but was still really supportive and really excited. How well do you know her parents? Maybe you could have a chat with them. Is it possible that she might have depression or something like that, which means that she just can't face it?

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  11.  
    • CommentAuthorplxas6
      Posted: Sep 25th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    HollyIsabel: Yeah, I do kinda feel our friendship has already been damaged... I don't think she wants attention though, she just doesn't seem to care.


    Elinor Claire: Aw it's nice that your MOH was supportive, hope your day went well! I don't know her parents that well and I'm not sure what they'd do about it/if she'd listen to them...

    I guess it could be possible? But a simple text/email to let me know that she didn't feel up to it would have been fine and I could have made alternate arrangements etc... :(
  12.  
    • AmandaK74
      CommentAuthorAmandaK74
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 26th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would stop worrying and just get on with your plans, without her. It seems you have tried your best and she has rudely ignored your concerns. Stuff her and enjoy your day.
    Good luck x

    met 11th December 2010
    engaged 2nd August 2013
    getting married to the love of my life 11th july 2015
  13.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Sep 27th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hmmm, reading this I'm sorry to say that she doesn't sound much like a friend or even a very nice person. She's either weird and got issues or she's incredibly jealous.
    Personally I'd sack her and also not bother trying to salvage the friendship you used to have.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  14.  
    • SammieB
      CommentAuthorSammieB
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with a lot of people on this,unless she approaches you and says I'm really sorry I haven't been supportive but....then gives you a VERY good reason then she's unfortunately not a friend.maybe you've just drifted too far apart
  15.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 29th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Not only is she showing lack of interest, she is showing a lack of respect or consideration to you as a friend. I would forget about her. i didn't have ANY bridesmaids at all, and wouldn't have changed my special day 1 bit xx
 
Enter Now