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    • AliceL99
      CommentAuthorAliceL99
      Getting married in 4 months
      Posted: Jan 12th 2020
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    Hi everyone!
    We got engaged in June last year and are getting married in Aug 2021!
    Even before the engagement my mum was trying to ensure that she takes centre stage, she wanted to be the only one who went dress shopping with me (or at least definitely didn't want my fiancé's mum to come!).
    We wanted a small church wedding, with no' party' as we don't like that kinda thing. We just wanted the ceremony, then photos, speeches, Toast and cake cutting to take place at my in-laws smallholding with marquees etc. Then for us to be able to leave for our honeymoon the evening of the wedding.
    My parents however want a 'traditional' big wedding with a venue & party etc where everyone stays around until very late! (total opposite to what we want, which I explained the whole way through!)

    We've already changed plans to suit them so have booked a golf club for the buffet and formalities and will pay for a DJ so others can stay and party after we've gone.

    But my parents still aren't happy.

    We've booked our honeymoon to Punta Cana to leave the morning after the wedding. Which means we'd have to leave the wedding 'party' (that we never wanted) at 7pm - waay after all the formal bits have finished. My parents are acting like I've killed someone. To the point my mum suggested (mid way through 'telling me off') 'I think you should not bother with any of it, just have the ceremony then a small close group of us will go for a meal, dad can do his speech then we can all go home and you can go on your honeymoon'.

    They told me from the start that they've always had money saved for my wedding which they would transfer, but to be aware that when parents start putting money in they get some control over what happens. They have since denied saying this. Leading me to tell them to keep the money, we'll pay for it ourselves.

    The whole situation has devastated me, I left my parents house very upset as they have always tried to control what I do and sit me down (without my fiancé) and berate me like a child, I can't even have my wedding day as I want! It's just cast a shadow over everything and I don't really see a way around this. They make out like it's my fault I get upset because I take what they say in the wrong way and they don't mean it how I take it. I have tried talking to them before about how they make me feel but they never accept any fault or apologise.

    I appreciate that they have opinions and can voice them but when it gets to the point that they keep repeating them until I accept they view and agree that they're right it becomes more than just voicing an opinion.

    Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

    Luckily my fiancé is supportive, and his parents are very relaxed and not dictating anything, they are just happy that we're happy. My grandparents are the same! People are telling me that it's our wedding and to just do what we want but it's so hard if it means that my parents are basically going to raise issues the whole time.

    Sorry that was long!
 
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