Wedding Forum - Children at wedding...

Just need to get this off my chest.

I've come home to parents for a few days as OH couldn't get time off and heard on the grapevine that a family member is complaining about children not being invited to the wedding. I have since found out from my grandad that this is my cousin and her 4 yr old daughter. I'm just a bit p!ssed off with it.
We have decided against having children at our wedding because:
1) it is out wedding day and we did not want children there (I know this is not everyones choice and some think children make a wedding). I spill enough down myself as it is, I didnt need anyone elses sticky fingers messing my dress.
2) all of the potential children to invite are cousins children and we felt that was a step too far in terms of extended family. If we invited them all that would be 10 kids which means 10 of our friends couldn't come because we are limited on numbers.
3) of the 10 kids to invite I have only met 4 and OH has only met 3. The cousin that is complaining I have only met her daughter once over 2 yrs ago (this was also the last time I saw cousin) and OH hasn't met either of them. On the basis of some other brides decisions about only inviting people you both know or have seen in the last year, she is lucky to be getting an invite.
But number 4 is the one that really gets me. As many of you know, we have been super early getting invites out. Our invites went out at the end of August for our wedding next April because we need food orders. Therefore she has 7+ months to organise childcare. In fact when we sent our save the dates out with Christmas cards last year, we wrote notes on the back saying we are sorry but we could not accomodate children. So that is 16months before our wedding. Yes of course her parents aka kids grandparents and her brother (uncle) are invited so can't help with childcare but she still has a good relationship with the dad and his mum. On FB she was looking after someone elses child the other weekend so how about asking to return the favour. I know this is going to be very controversial and people think I'm being mean but its not like our wedding is in 2 weeks and if we make an exception then what do I say to everyone else who's kids we said couldnt come?
My parents completely support our decision so its not like anything will change in terms of what we do. I just needed to have a moan because its really got to me. And if she does come I know she will complain about the one exception we are making (and I know I just about making no exceptions) but that is our friends who were making the cake but had to pull out because she has found she is pregnant and is due a month before the wedding. That is different because that is a baby in arms that will still be breastfeeding so we dont need to provide a meal or a seat or activities for that child.
I think I just wish she had come to me first rather than hearing it on the grapevine. Arrgh rant over. X

We didn't invite children to our wedding. We simply didn't want them there, and didn't feel like we needed to explain ourselves to people (it never became an issue). It really irks me reading people getting annoyed, especially when receiving an invitation in a privilege, not an entitlement. You have been thoughtful in giving people plenty of notice to make arrangements etc, so there's no excuses on their part.

Stick to your guns, IT'S YOUR DAY, and most of all, brush it off and move on as your wedding planning needs to be a happy time xx

I kinda agree with the no kids- like you a lot of my cousins have 2 or 3 kids each and in total there are 20 kids and that's before friends kids- some of these are young and to be honest a don't think i want that many kids at my wedding- so I say stick to your guns and if they are true family and friends they will respect your decision and not kick up a fuss- as you say, you have given plenty of advanced notice xx

The only kids we are having is our little boy and our nieces and nephews. Def no cousins kinds there's no need for that!!

I think if you start inviting 2nd cousins it's just ott- I've never met half of them so why invite them and pay for them to be noted!

I am one of those people who think children make a wedding. Having said that, I am also one of those people who think your wedding day should be done your way. As you said, your cousin has had plenty of time to organise childcare, you're not close to her and you don't really know here child. If she decides not to accept your invite because her child can't come then it is her loss, not yours. Try not to let it stress you out sweet.

Ignore the selfish ones who think they have a right to dictate what the bride and groom have at their wedding.

We had a no children rule with the exception of close family which meant only our niece who was our FG, other niece who was a baby, another toddler who is son of incredibly close family friend so the father is like my cousin, we grew up together, and another baby who was only a few months old. Everyone respected our decision and that's the way it should be.

So many people seem to think they have a right to say who they think should be guests at someone else's wedding, it makes me so mad.

Good for you Kirsty- everyone seems to want to put their pennies worth in when it comes to weddings, I don't get it, it's not their day, they should respect that it's yours and you do want you want :-) xx

Good on you Kirsty. x

Good on you. Me and my H2B are have children at our wedding so you are not the only one to have children at your wedding. To be honest , children makes a good wedding because when you see children have a good time at weddings then you enjoy weddings more well that's what I think anyways

People are so rude sometimes and need to understand that by having children there takes numbers away, the children we had were family and my very close friends children. I mentioned to a couple of friends about not having their kids and they were more than happy not having them there. One couple said it made it so they could totally relax and enjoy themselves. Another couple had a baby who was about 4 1/2 months old, they asked if we would mind if they brought him, but were happy to leave the older two with someone else. I said of course as he wasn't taking up numbers, but they all understood that I said no due to numbers.

Not at all Leanne .. That's what's concerning me about my oh forcing is having his hyperactive cousins there .. I just don't feel he'll be able to sit still and be quiet even for a 30 minute ceremony and of he spoils it I'll kick him out myself!

I'm not sure, I went to a christening he was at and he was climbing around the floor under tables etcetc so I'm not convinced they would. However the look they will get if he plays up will say it all that his welcome is out stayed and oh has been warned that if he spoils it I'll be livid

If it was just a civil ceremony fair enough but it's a proper church wedding because we wanted it to be intimate and special minus inappropriate behaviour

We are having a religious service aswell, our minister said it wouldn't be the first time he's had to ask parents to take their child out. I would be mortified. My LO is very well behaved but even he an't sit through long things without making noise, we haven't taken him to two out of the last 3 weddings we've been to, we only took him to that one because he was page boy and it was in Cyprus. He was hot and annoyed by the speeches so I just took him outside. x

OH actually wants to put a note on our wedding website about taking them outside lol, I'm not sure if that is a bit much x

There will be some kids at our wedding, not really my choice but H2B has quite a few nephews/nieces so not much choice there. I would expect parents to take their kids outside though if they start getting noisy and fidgety, especially during the church service. I want to be able to enjoy our wedding day and not have to deal with other people's kids having a hissy fit.

Good for you Becci93 - I like your style!

tbh becci, i wouldnt have invited any other children, if other people moaned about that one kid that was the exception, well its none of their concern as to the reasons why you invited him (and no one will think to ask until they notice him on the day, i imagine, unless you bring it up, which i wouldnt as its no one elses business)

Oh dear Becci93, it does seem that you let one in and now before you know it you're inundated with kids. I totally agree with you that you need to say that kids are not invited and stick to it. You will just have to hope that the parents try to make sure that the kids don't disrupt things for you.

I will be asking our Vicar to request that kids are taken outside if they start kicking off during the service.

I have 3 children, so I sympathise with parents because getting childcare for a wedding can be hard. Having said that, I also completely understand that those without small children don't want to be listening to screaming kids. If one of mine started kicking off I would take them outside immediately.

We have lots of children coming to our church ceremony. Knowing my luck, all the other children will be angels and it will be my 3 being brats!

We are just having 5 children and 1 teenager who are nieces and nephews on both sides. We drew the line there as was going to be too expensive. Plus the thought of screaming kids on our big day was not something either of us wanted.

My younger sister who's bm has offered to literally kick them out if they cause any disturbance haha

You would think, as with a good percentage of parents, that she'd be happy to have a day out without having to worry about childcare. And like you say, she's had more than enough notice to arrange it.

I'm not being funny, I'm sodding pregnant and if I could get away with not having kids at my wedding, I would! I've got about 15 kids on the guest list I think. I literally want 2 of them to come! But you can't invite one cousin's children without the other. Luckily i've fallen out with the cousin that has 4 kids! Hah!

Just let her stew. If she doesn't come at all because she's so offended by not having her child with her then she's saved you some money! :) x

Tell them there is a capacity issue with the venue and you are only inviting immediate family children as though you would love to invite them all, you simply do not have the room to accommodate everyone and their children, Danielle. If it is an issue, they can always politely decline their invitation :)