Its OHs graduation in a few weeks and obviously afterwards we will go and celebrate with a meal or something. I didn't plan anything as I assumed his parents would but then started panicking as they are very much one to leave OH and only celebrate SILs achievements. (when she got her new job they went out for a meal when she was told she had the job, did her first day and her first pay cheque from them... OHs new job has barely got a well done from them). I mentioned going out for a meal to MIL a month ago and initially the look in her eyes was pure disgust that you would need to do something like that but then she pretended to me that she 'hadn't gotten round to it' and got really excited about it suggesting different possibilities of what we can do so I thought ok, yeah you hadn't thought about it but now you are going to do it and be into it.
Last weekend we finalised who he wanted to come and where it was going to be and what time and we both left for the week expecting her to call and book the meal. Got home yesterday and she said are we going to book that, we need to decide what you want to do so I said we finalised that last week and you was going to book and she looked at me like I was from another planet.. I was fuming and told her exactly what was decided the week before and she walked away saying ok ill look at it in the week. I grabbed the phone and called to book as at this point I didn't trust her to do it. The restaurant he wanted couldn't accommodate us until 9pm which is too late so I the scoured round trying to find other nice restaurants which do only english food for it (grandparents wont eat anything else) finally found somewhere and booked it in and then she pipes up saying I used to go there quite often.
Am I in the wrong for being really angry and frustrated towards her about this. She treats SIL like a princess who can do no wrong but OH gets the bare minimum from them. They do care for him etc but other than that there is no through process into his life. She also doesn't think she needs to dress smart for his graduation! SIL asked if it was a dress up meal and I said its up to you, we will all be dressed smart but you don't have to so its up to you and MIL said well OH will be smart. it feels like she doesn't care and is only coming and doing it because she feels forced to!
He had his Police Attestation about 18 months ago and we both wanted to celebrate it because again it was a massive achievement and he had met one of his life goals but instead she didn't want to go for dinner so got him a sandwich from a super market for dinner... that is no way to celebrate. SIL gets a certificate from college and they go out for a meal to celebrate.
She treats them both like black and white and it feels like he is always black...
Am I in the wrong for not liking her at the moment and wanting nothing to do with her?
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorKatieH
I can understand how you feel. I would be upset by it too. Try not to get wound up by it. If she's always been like it then I doubt she will change. Your OH has got you now to spoil him. I'm sorry I can't be of much help, I don't know what else to say xx
Met in 2007
Started dating in 2009
Got engaged in 2014
Became Mrs Holme 11.06.16
CommentAuthorEmily17
There's nothing that anyone can do I don't think but it really frustrates me and sometimes I think that its me in the wrong for feeling like this.
Thank you x
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorFlossie
You're completely within your right to feel frustrated and upset with her, but unfortunately if they've always been this way then I doubt there is much chance of it changing any time soon so just have to accept that's how they are and get on with it. We can't choose our in-laws... xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorKatieH
You're not in the wrong at all. At least you can vent on here and talk to us :) xx
Met in 2007
Started dating in 2009
Got engaged in 2014
Became Mrs Holme 11.06.16
I have told OH to slap me if ever I start to treat our children differently like they do.. I think it is totally wrong. I don't treat our parents differently, his grandparents differently anything. I just don't think its right.
I can see that it gets to him and I raised it with them last year and got absolutely nothing back at all.
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorKatieH
I was treated differently to my brother by our Nanna when I was younger. It really hurt my feelings. It's not nice xx
Met in 2007
Started dating in 2009
Got engaged in 2014
Became Mrs Holme 11.06.16
CommentAuthorEmily17
It really isn't nice. He worked so hard for his degree and really struggled towards the end but he came out with a fantastic grade and was so chuffed. Would be nice for him to get that congratulations..
At least my side of the family is spoiling him. I have got him a tie clip and matching cufflinks to give him on the morning :) cant wait. its lovely!
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorFlossie
I'm sure he will have a fab time celebrating regardless xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
I hear ya. OH sis is the blue eyed girl. Drives me mad but not much I can do about it. Doesn't seen to bother OH
21st May 2016 xxx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I have a friend who had a similar experience. She was the first in her family to go to uni and got no fuss, but when her sister got her place on a PGCE she got so much excitement from her mum. When my friend rang her parents to say that she had been awarder her PhD, the response from her mum was "oh right, when are you going to be home to drive me to Tesco?" You'll just have to give him what his family don't.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorKirstyR386
This is very unfair. I know my OH sometimes felt hard done by his grandparents who believed in the most stuff going to the first born son so he always got less at Christmas etc than his older brother. I suppose you can't do anything to change their attitude but now you know about it, in future you be the one to organise stuff (I'm sure you already do) and just invite them rather than relying on them to do anything. Its annoying because you'll end up feeling like you do everything and they should help but its clearly not there way and won't change anytime soon.
Congratulations to your OH on his graduation though! X
CommentAuthorEmily17
Kirsty, you have hit the nail on the head there. It's that there are some things that I would have thought parents should do. This being one of them and it's just quite sad. He said to me does that mean I'm paying for my own graduation meal and I said yes. Which made him feel like doing my other option. If she wasn't bothered about it when I first mentioned it to her I was going to book a really nice restaurant just for us. More expensive than we could afford for everyone but if just the 2 of us we could for a special
He's the first born so that idea is lost.
Thank you all for your support. At least I know I'm not out of order. I know there's nothing I can do but.. It's just not nice seeing it
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorEmily17
I have just asked work for the day after the graduation off and its been approved. will definitely be spoiling him and taking him out for the day after
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Now there's a blatant case of favouritism. Hate that! I totally see where you're coming from, your poor OH.
Congratulations anyway and I'm sure you'll have a lovely time celebrating x
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
The same happened to my friend but it was the other way round. Her brother is golden boy and she is taken forgranted, despite being the one who is there any time her mother needs anything. Her mother will always give money to her brother but rarely to her (when it does happen she starts wondering what her mother wants). Her brother could do no wrong but she got punished severely for every little thing. She had a child before her brother did, and when her brother had a daughter her mother was going on about it being her first grandchild. We were just relieved that the brother had a girl first, as the mother is Indian and from a culture that favours men. If her son's first born had been a son my friend and her daughter would have been forgotten about (except to do their duty as unpaid carers). My friend's Dad was also Indian but from a culture where girls were valued. Unfortunately he died when my friend was 18.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorEmily17
It is so horrible. Your friends situation sounds worse though Elinor.
I will just make sure that I spoil him rotten x he does deserve it, x
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorInDreamland
It's so unfair on the child and can really affect some.
My parents have tried so hard to ensure my sister and I get everything equal so if they give me something they have to give her the same or an equivalent.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
He definitely sounds like he deserves to be spolit. Feel so sorry for him.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorEmily17
Yeah he doesn't know that I've booked the day off so will be a nice surprise for him x
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
yip my in laws are the same....his sister got new job a bottle of champers was out, she got pregnant champers, baby born champers......he got engaged and 2 and a half years later still no congrats...he got a new job with a huge pay rise and there was barely a well done. they all work in the same industry but its my man who has to travel an hour each way every weekend and sometime durign the week to pick up the slack when his dad cant meet demand inhis business depsite his siter living literaly across the road. I knwo exactly how you feel xx
