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  1.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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      edited
     
    Hi all, I am having an internal debate with myself so I thought I would share this for any advice that anybody might have.
    I have already chosen my bridesmaids who will be my sister, my best friend and her daughter (my goddaughter) will be a flower girl. However, I am my H2B has a sister and I am wondering if he/ his family will be angry if I don't have her as a bridesmaid, the reason why I haven't chosen her is that he also has another 2 sisters from his dad, so I feel as though I would have to have them as bridesmaids too. I don't think my H2B would mind if I didn't ask her but his mum might have a problem with it, I know I shouldn't care but don't want anymore stress. Also, we are trying to keep costs down and my flower girl already has her dress from another wedding she was flower girl at, which means I only need to buy 2 dresses.
    Has anybody else had a similar issue? How did it turn out for you?

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  2.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    Is there another role she can take on instead of bridesmaid? My future SIL is a professional musician in London so is sorting out a string quartet for us and she is going to arrange a piece specially for us :)

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  3.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    Not really, there is a big age gap between her and my H2B so she will only be 16 when we get married.

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  4.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    I don't think you should be expected to have anyone as your bridesmaids - you should WANT them to be bridesmaids, not just choose them because of what someone else thinks!! X

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    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  5.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    Could she act as an usher? I've seen the groom's sister do that before. Or would she be willing to read in public?

    It is difficult as I know when I was 16 I would have been over the moon to be made a bridesmaid, but I wouldn't have had any idea that the groom's sister might be asked, so wouldn't have expected it and wouldn't have been disappointed.

    If she was the only sister I'd probably say it's worth including her as a good diplomatic move, but as there are two others it does become more of an issue. It would be quite a sensitive issue for the half-sisters I'd imagine, if it makes them feel less a part of the family. How old are the half-sisters, are they old enough to know what it's about? Would they be likely to attend? It's probably a good idea to sit back on it for now, and wait to see what happens. If the family object then you can think about it.

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    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  6.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    I am thinking of asking her to be an usher if there is a problem she realises we haven't asked her, so maybe she would be willing to do this.

    The sister in question is actually a half sister too although she is the one he properly grown up with. The others will be 18 and 13 at the wedding, but he hardly sees much of them. The 18yo will definitely be attending and hopefully the 13yo but I don't think they will expect to be included in the wedding, however I think the 16yo will, I get on with her but we are not close and I hardly see her so I would only be including her to be nice, no other reason.

    I am hoping that I am worrying about nothing and she won't mind not being included, but knowing what my FMIL is like there will be a problem!

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  7.  
    • KatieH
      CommentAuthorKatieH
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    I think you should just have who you want to have. I'm having my 2 best friends as my bridesmaids and my Niece and Cousin's daughter as flower girls. My H2B has 2 sisters and Niece's but after discussing it with him we have decided not to involve them as he said 1-I should have who I want, 2- there are too many of them and 3- they live 6 hours away so it would be difficult for dress fitting etc.

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  8.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    Ok bit of an update on this.. had a bit of am argument with my H2B over this! His sister has just been asking if she will be a bridesmaid and got excited because she presumed she was. When I told him I didn't want her he said he thinks I'm being "heartless" for not wanting her to be a bridesmaid! Also he hates my best friend and said he would find it hard to even turn up if she were to walk down the aisle! So I've told him I will have my sister, his sister and best friends daughter as FG! I really would like my best friend to be BM though as we have been friends since we were 14! Am I being stupid for giving in?

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
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  9.  
    • EmmaH444
      CommentAuthorEmmaH444
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    I would still have your best friend but I can understand his sister being upset. I wasn't asked to be bridesmaid for my only brother and it really upset me but there was other info to go with that story that I don't want to bore you with or hijack your thread! In the end you have to do what feels right for you x

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  10.  
    • KatieH
      CommentAuthorKatieH
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    I think you should still have your best friend if that's what you want, especially as you've grown up with her x

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    Got engaged in 2014
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  11.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    You definitely don't have to ask, I've got my h2bs two sisters but it's been more trouble than it's worth... So if you'd like to leave it as it is then do so x

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  12.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    Just have who you want; you can't please everyone. :)

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  13.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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    I truly wouldn't have anyone you don't feel comfortable about having - this is your day and you shouldn't be trying to please anyone else or make anyone else happy! I think you are being more than fair saying she can be a flower girl, the least your OH could do is support you with wanting your best friend to be your bridesmaid!! xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  14.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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      edited
     
    I wish he would but he is adamant that he wouldn't want to get married if she is a bridesmaid and he wouldn't want her on the photos. But he is fine for me to have his sister because it would make him happy! I am hoping he will come around and realise he is being very unreasonable, I know it is both of our day but I am making sacrifices for him he will just not budge!

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
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  15.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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    It does seem very unfair :( especially when they are BRIDESmaids.. should be who you want, not who he wants! He's not going to have anything to do with them on the day really if he doesn't want to.. Hope he comes around xx

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    18th June 2016
    xx
  16.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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    He should compromise it's only fair,unless you really don't want his sister then put you foot down,but just have the flower girl and your sister and respect his wishes,then it's a compromise both ways,don't feel pressured x
  17.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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    He is being really unfair especially when you have given him and asked his sister because he wanted you to?

    How would he react if you used his own words against him, tell him he is being heartless asking you not to have who you want as a bridesmaid, in fact more then that, he is telling you by saying he wouldn't marry you if you did. I don't mean to sound rude here, but what an awful thing to say to the person you are getting married too, not the best way to start a marriage really is it?

    Do you know why he hates your friend so much?




  18.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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    that is so unfair of him! would you dictate his best man and ushers?! tell him to f**k off. hes being unreasonable.

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  19.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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    completely agree with donna, the heartless thing is him saying he wont marry you if she is bm, that's emotional blackmail and controlling behaviour, does he think so little of you that he really wouldn't marry you over that? Outrageous behaviour on his part.

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    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  20.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
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    Future SIL's don't have to be bridesmaids. Mine wasn't and I don't think it was an issue and if it was I don't know about it. Bridesmaids are supposed to be those the bride is close to and wants and trusts to be there next to her in the planning of the big day but also looking after her on the day of the wedding.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
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  21.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    Thanks everyone! This has been playing on my mind for a few days now so I am going to tell H2B that I want my best friend as bridesmaid and he needs to stop being so selfish! Does anybody have any advise of how to do this without having a row? ha!

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
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  22.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    tbh i think it will be impossible to avoid a row if he decides to not be an adult about it. Just tell him you want to chat about your feelings concerning bridesmaids calmly and if he can't respect you enough to do that well..... I don't know for you personally, but I'd be saying I am now re-evaluating the wedding if he can't talk to me with teh respect I deserve and respect my opinion on something that doesn't even concern him!

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    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  23.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    I would sit him down and tell him outright that he cant make you feel this way,
    if he doesn't like your best friend its his problem (don't know reason) but im sure its not something bad as you are still her friend, so obviously its his problem, to deal with,
    If he says he wont marry you because of this, i agree with Velcro then, he cant think much of your relationship if he is using her as a weapon,I would tell him you don't want to argue about it, you prob still will, you should never be worried about bringing something up with him, you are going to be husband and wife, this needs to be sorted before he gets to be your husband, otherwise is he going to be so un respectful towards you and your feelings in future.

    im sending you big hugs, im sure it will all turn out ok for you, you just have to be strong and remember its your wedding too and you both have to be happy not just one of you.

    we are here if you need any of us, if you need to vent or ask our advice

    lots of love x
  24.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    Teresa you have made me feel a lot better thank you! The reason he hates her is because when we first got together she was a bit wild, sleeping around, borrowing money off me a lot and she is a little selfish and rude but that's it! She has never done anything to him and now she has had a baby she is totally different!
    I just worry about the confrontation because I can't deal with it!
    Thank you all for being so kind! :) x

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  25.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    There you go he cant keep living in the past, he may have done things in the past that he has expected t be forgiven for, she was prob young and thats nothing compared to what she prob could have done to upset him, so i would point out this and say that maybe its time he put it all behind him and moved on, it sounds like he really does love you and wants to protect you but you dont need it, you will be fine, it might be hard but you will feel better once you have had a chat with him about it, just tell him if you argue, you will walk away and then come back when it can be discussed calmly, if it isnt urgent, leave it a while and see how things pan out, if it is that you need to get it out your system do it soon otherwise you wont sleep properly

    remember we are here
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  26.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    I know that's exactly what I think! We do have a while until the wedding yet and I haven't officially asked any of my bridesmaids so I could wait. We have a few christenings and events to go to with her so I may see how it pans out over the next few weeks.
    Thank you :) xx

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  27.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    good decision xxx
 
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