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Wedding Forum - Bridesmaid woes......

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  1.  
    • Deedee89
      CommentAuthorDeedee89
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
     
    Hello I'm new to here and I really need other peoples thoughts on this :(. So...I am having 2 bridesmaids for my wedding at the moment... originally I had picked 5 but everyone argued with me that it was too many! I'm still not the happiest that I had to pick 2 from my group of good friends... I thought I was doing well with 3! To cut a long story short my h2b contested the third one due to something that happened in the past but now everything is totally fine and its gone and dusted. That girl (who I'm going to ask to do music instead as she plays the harp) and another girl more or less decided/nominated themselves as my bridesmaids when I got engaged but now neither of them are going to be. I have kept this all quiet from them all hoping things will die down but one of them texts me with questions about my wedding so I've been pretending that I haven't gotten them or divert the conversation to something else... I've been getting harassed from a few friends about wedding dress shopping too but I overcame that by only taking my mother, granny and soon to be mother in law with me. To answer expected questions I am the only girl in my family and my h2b is an only child so no sisters etc to be bridesmaids. Also the wedding is being paid for by my parents, his parents and ourselves. I am pretty sure that this is going to cause a rift with some friends. Also I have only asked my maid of honour thus far so nobody else knows anything. Thoughts anyone?
  2.  
    • casbride87
      CommentAuthorcasbride87
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My bridesmaids started at 6 but now i have got it down to 2, it really brings to light who your friends are when you say you are having your own wedding your way.

    Just think who has been there through everything and who would accept your choices for your day without arguements then you have your answers who you should have for bridesmaids.

    Hope this helps?




  3.  
    • Deedee89
      CommentAuthorDeedee89
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
     
    The two bridesmaids I picked are my oldest friends and have been friends since school. I just don't know what to say to the pair that nominated themselves and aren't becoming bridesmaids... I think I am most annoyed because my h2b keep saying 'its your wedding do what you want' and then dictating things like MY maids. I cant win! Somebodies going to get annoyed...
  4.  
    • casbride87
      CommentAuthorcasbride87
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
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    As long as its not you that gets annoyed, i upset my sister in law by not picking her but she isnt my friend, she is just married to my brother and she didnt have me as a bridesmaid for her wedding.

    Just tell the ones that nominated themselves that you havent got the budgets for them to be bridesmaids.




  5.  
    • Deedee89
      CommentAuthorDeedee89
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
     
    A lot of people have said I should say that... however I was talking to one of their boyfriends (who is also a very good friend) and sort of broke it to him gently that she might not be a bridesmaid (hoping he would help keep her hopes on the down-low with it if you like) and he offered to pay for her attire?!?! Which would be fine by me but then it means closer friends aren't my maids and she would be the only one paying. Also my mother and h2b have put their foot down on two bms.
  6.  
    • ErinV
      CommentAuthorErinV
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh dear that's not helpful. Perhaps just explain that you cannot afford more than 2 bridesmaids and that it would cause difficulties if you had only one who needed to pay - that could cause a rift or some tension between bm's.
  7.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    There are also other important roles they can play in the wedding (helping you make things, doing readings at the ceremony, acting as master of ceremony etc) - they don't need to be in matching dresses for them to help you or for you to recognise that they're good friends, and if they are as good friends as they claim to be, then they won't mind not imposing extra cost (for their outfits etc) and worry on you and be happy as guests.
    Or, Is there perhaps a little girl in the family that you can ask to be flower girl and just have her, perhaps?




  8.  
    • Deedee89
      CommentAuthorDeedee89
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
     
    Things are never straight forward are they? haha! Thanks for the replies ladies all very good advice!
  9.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    Ok I have a different point of view on this, what is wrong with having 5 bridesmaids if that is what YOU want? Are you going to dictate who is h2b's best man and who are his ushers? If not then why are you letting him dictate who are your bridesmaids? And as for your mum why are you letting her dictate this to you as well? It isn't her wedding, it is yours! Our parents are also putting a lot of money towards our wedding but who was in our bridal party was our choice, no one elses! I decided who would be bridesmaids and my h2b decided who he wanted as best man and ushers and that was that, neither of us convinced the other one that we couldn't have certain people. I think you need to speak to your h2b again as it sounds to me like you really want these girls as bridesmaids and it is you who is going to have to deal with the fall out from it all, not your h2b xxx

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  10.  
    • AH86
      CommentAuthorAH86
      Posted: Apr 28th 2014
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    Yeah my mum isn't keen on me having 4 adult bridesmaids but it's how it is. I have 2 of my closest friends who I see more often and we make mot effort to see each other as my MOH and chief bridesmaids. The other 2, 1 is always there for me when I need her, even though we are quite different and the other has been my best friend most of my life and although we are still close, she isn't the most trustworthy of friends or reliable and can play games but those 2 I can't really have 1 and not the other. So I decided to just have them both as my longest friend I have always imagined her to be my BM and thought it might do our friendship good and bring us back together more often. So far so good, although my 2 closest are doing most the hen do planning but that's fine with me, they know me best now so think it's for the best anyway.

    So mother has been told that that is the way it is and although she isn't overly pleased, she's accepted it. I think the key is putting your foot down. I'm not being overly lavish on what I'm spending so theyc ant say I'm taking the P!

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  11.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2014
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    Have as few or as many bridesmaids as you like and can afford. It's not up to your mother or H2B who goes in your bridal party. I have six (hopefully), and H2B has six ushers and two best men. Neither one of us has questioned the other's choices, and neither has either set of parents, even though both sets are giving us a lot of money for it. You can try to find cheap online dresses if necessary. The question is who do you want? Do you want the two that nominated themselves? If you don't then leave them out, as they had no right to assume. If you do then include them despite their assumption. It's not up to H2B, these are the ladies that will be supporting you on the day, so you need to pick the ladies that will be there for you.

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  12.  
    • BeckyU98
      CommentAuthorBeckyU98
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i would have loved to have lots of adult bridesmaids - love it when theres loads in pics etc but i just went with 2 adults and 2 little ones as they were the only ones i wanted. didnt feel close enough to anyone else to have others. i found even trying to get the 4 of them together was enough of a nightmare im so glad i didnt have any more. but you have as many as you like! i found that the adult bridesmaids were the easiest - its the little ones that were the problem with their interferring mothers! X
  13.  
    • DanielleMystic
      CommentAuthorDanielleMystic
      Getting married in 9 years
      Posted: Apr 28th 2014
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    my mum thinks that being a bridesmaid is a kids thing but I've always viewed it as more of an adult thing! (helping the bride, going to the hen do etc) each to their own but i dont think anyone should try and dictate a brides bridal party - you choose who you want by your side and helping you on the run up to your big day. noone elses decision! xx

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