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  1.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665Got married 8 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 8th 2017 edited
     
    hi everyone, so we're only five and half weeks away from my wedding and in addition to normal stresses I have something that's really getting me worked up.

    The bm's are currently having their dresses altered and most are being fine about it but I have one who needs a lot more alterations that the others which would be ok but it's getting to the point of being unreasonable. She picked out the dress (after looking at about 50 more that weren't acceptable). and now i have my bm's wearing 2 different dresses which isn't what I wanted but I have put up with. but she wants it altered so much it's going to look like 3 different dresses. She isn't happy that the dress shows a small amount of cleavage and wants it all patched up, she was sulking at all of the suggestions to her when she complained about the back of the dress as it needs more coverage. She didn't want a anything on her shoulders but she also didn't want a wrap that she would have to hold as it would annoy her so she wants another panel putting in at the back. She has tried this dress on before and told me she was happy in it. As we (me mil-to be and the other bm's) tried to explain that honestly she's working herself up about it and it doesn't look bad at all she actually got quite confrontational with me.

    Once we have managed to calm it all down she was talking to one bm who is a relative of mine about how she really dislikes children to which the relative replied that there will be quite a few children at the wedding (all cousins of mine). and in response to that she said that they all better stay away from her.
    I think it's kind of rude as a guest at my wedding to say that about my family.

    I'm not sure if I am being over-sensitive but honestly it really is getting to me.

    How would you all tackle this? Sorry for the ramble!

    Thank you x

    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  2.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17Got married 7 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 8th 2017
     
    I would tell her what you want that you have heard what she said and arent happy with it. If she has said before that she liked the dress she needs to suck it up and accept it the way it is!

    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  3.  
    • Tiffany
      CommentAuthorTiffanyGetting married in 2 months
      CommentTimeAug 8th 2017
     
    I wouldn't even bother having her at the wedding after saying that! How dare she cause all this upset and stress so close to your big day. You're not being over sensitive at all.
  4.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665Got married 8 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 9th 2017
     
    thank you both.

    i just feel like she's hated every part of my wedding so far. She didn't like my hen party and actively tried getting the other hens to change it to suit her (gladly they didn't) and when we were there she spent the night telling me how it just wasn't her scene.

    My mil-to be tried telling her twice at the alterations that one day isn't about her but she just dismissed it.

    H2B has told me once we get back from holiday (we are away next week for his birthday) we will discuss it with her and her partner (h2b's best man which makes things harder) and see what we can do as he says he doesn't want me to spend the wedding day worrying about a bm's dress and how she may react x

    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  5.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17Got married 7 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 9th 2017
     
    Its good that you have your OH who can sit down with you when you speak to her to support you. Hopefully it will go OK and they can realise the stress they are adding to you xx

    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  6.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665Got married 8 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 9th 2017
     
    fingers crossed, i'd really hoped it wasn't going to come to this but i think it's been heading this way for a while now x

    thank you x

    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  7.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17Got married 7 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 9th 2017
     
    Sometimes it is for the best. Like your OH has said, a polite conversation now will be better than you worrying about her on the day. you will enjoy it much more xx

    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  8.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665Got married 8 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 9th 2017
     
    absolutely :) i just hope his friendship with best man won't take a hit x

    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  9.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17Got married 7 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 9th 2017
     
    Hopefully they both understand

    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  10.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossieGot married 23 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 10th 2017
     
    To be honest I would ignore her. If your react to her, give her attention or pander to her every need then she's going to think the day is more and more about her, when in reality it's not got anything to do with her, apart from her being there for YOU and ensuring your day is as special as possible.

    I understand that it's important for bms to feel comfortable in their dresses, but like you say she had tried it on before and was fine with it so it's unfair of her to spring all these things on you now. I'd explain to her that you wouldn't be happy with in effect having three different types of dresses so hers will have to stay as it is with only minor alterations as required. If she has a problem with this then it's exactly that - her problem. She needs to learn to sweep her problems aside and focus on what is really important - which is you and your day!

    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  11.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665Got married 8 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 11th 2017
     
    thank you Flossie, that is what I am thinking of saying to her. At this point im wondering if she actually wants to be a bm and maybe this is her way of trying to get out of it?

    I can only speak to her I suppose even if it will be difficult x

    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  12.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaLGot married 5 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 15th 2017
     
    I think a sit down conversation is the only way. I wouldn't mention her comment about children, I would just ignore it. But try to sort this thing about the dress, to give you some peace of mind. Like said before, if she was ok with it before, when trying it on, it's non sense now to want to change everything :/
  13.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665Got married 8 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 16th 2017
     
    Thanks Camila, It's gotten to the point though that I really don't think I want her as part of my wedding party (i know its only 4 weeks until the wedding but she hasn't paid anything into it so won't harm her financially). I just feel as though this is impacting our friendship and if it keeps going as is then i worry we won't end up friends at all

    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  14.  
    • Punkpixi3
      CommentAuthorPunkpixi3Getting married in 3 months
      CommentTimeOct 1st 2017
     
    I am so sorry she is being like this with you - especially when you have enough to worry about!
    She doesn't sound like a helpful friend, you need to see her on your own and tell her to chill out a little and be a friend not a nightmare. I have a group of 5 friends and we have been friends since school. I asked them all to be my bridesmaids and 1 was very much like this. I was so stressed worrying about what she wanted that I forgot about myself and my day - making changes to suit her NO STOP..Its your day! I sat her down and we had a chat I was terrified to tell her but I had too to save my sanity - she was a bit funny but after a while she came through and now we laugh about it and I frequently remind her how much of a crazy person she is :) Good luck xx
  15.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665Got married 8 months ago
      CommentTimeOct 2nd 2017
     
    thank you :)

    We have had the wedding now and she wasn't there, i do still believe it was the best decision unfortunately x

    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  16.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamlandGot married 5 years ago
      CommentTimeOct 8th 2017
     
    Awww Nicole. It does sound like her not being there was the best thing. Last thing a bride needs is a BM who is just being a pain in the back side.

    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

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