Wedding Forum - Bridesmaid is no longer bridesmaid...

Hi all,
I need some help.
A few weeks ago I went on a night out with one of my bridesmaids. She got so drunk that she at some point was laying on the dancefloor with her trouser pulled down and bottoms up, got fingered by some stranger and lost all her stuff.
I was playing her babysitter the entire night, picking her up and dressing her again, getting punched by the guy who had his way with her because I said that "she is in no state to judge what is happening, bugger off", trying to find her shoes, phone, purse, Credit Card etc.
I had to carry her into a taxi with help of a friend who actually was on a nights out with other people but helped me out driving in the same taxi back. Before we were in the taxi she started threatening me saying things like "If we go now I will tell (my partner) a few things about you-I don't care if its not true but you will pay for ruining the night now!" (It was a quarter to four and the club was shut). On the drive home she called me horrible names and told me im worthless until I snapped and got out of the taxi to walk the rest of the way. I did pay before getting out and also said to her that "I don't have to listen to the words of a skank".
She was meant to stay at my house and when I arrived she was sitting at the door telling (MY) friend even more horrible things ie. "she might as well be dead as no one would shed a tear" and "she is just a cunt, were not really friends".
upset with this I told her that she can stay for the night but in the morning she can fuck off as I don't want people like this in my life. she refused so I left her for outside for 35 minutes. she was determined to stay at my mates house who wasn't interested in her whatsoever and just left. she then finally agreed to come in.
in the morning she only said "basically it was your fault because you only had vodka for predrinks so fuck you c*"
I sent her several messages on facebook as she wouldn't pick up her phone to sort this out but she blocked me. after her birthday I sent her housemate a message saying that I have a present for amy(bought it before the incident and its personalised). hoping that my "bridesmaid" would come to senses and simply say sorry which didn't happen. instead I got further abuse from her and housemate trying to make me to be the bad person and that I should have forced her into the house. my partner said straight away he no longer wants her to be involved in any kind of wedding plans as she would be a liability and dangerous. others said that she is poisonous and like a cancer and that she only ever is nice when she doesn't have any money. I told her all this in my last message, regretting straight afterwards that I stepped down onto her level.
I am really upset about all this as I don't like to loose friends and would like to keep her as bridesmaid but after this and with outside comments I see clearer and clearer that she might really just used me and was looking for a reason to end the "friendship".
shes always been a nightmare when drunk but also a great girl when sober. this is the first time that she is so abusive and defensive although she cannot remember anything at all. I offered her to speak to the people who were involved (my mate, my neighbour, the police who got called by my neighbour as she was shouting the threats and abuse outside the house).

am I being to harsh with the decision on banning her and should I try to get this whole thing sorted and pretend that I am not upset with her behaviour. she clearly was never interested in sorting anything out but I also know from past experience that she is simply not able to apologise.

sorry for the long text and the curse words. please help me you lovely b2bs xxxx

Oh dear your friend sounds like a nightmare.

To be honest she doesn't deserve to be your bridesmaid after the things she's called you. I'd leave her be. You don't want her to ruin your big day either. If I was in your shoes I'd have nothing more to do with her. She obviously doesn't value your friendship. Big hugs x

It does sound like it's the right thing to leave her out of the wedding. You were a brilliant friend to her and don't deserve the abuse you've had. Even if she does ultimately apologise, you can't risk her getting drunk at the wedding. and having another night like that.

It sounds to me as if she has a problem with drink and knowing when to moderate, I would consider her a distinct liability at the wedding at all tbh, and certainly wouldn't trust her with bridesmaid!

It's tough, as it is important to maintain friendships and such, but you were only trying to help her out and drink or not she should not be reacting with such inappropriate behaviour. Your bridesmaids on the day should be there supporting you and helping out with any issues, they should be the one helping with all the drunks, not being one of them. Well done on a tough decision :)

Good God... She sounds awful. I think your OH is right, she should definitely be banned, and I wouldn't have anything to do with her ever again.

These things happen for a reason. She sounds just... horrendous. She got finger raped by a stranger because she was so drunk and doesn't remember anything about it... and you taking her home means you ruined her night? I just... WTF?? She's crazy. Literally.

Steer well clear xx

You deserve to be happy on your wedding day and if she comes I think she will spoil it for you x

Wow what an awful friend she is!! I think this is a big sign for you to leave her behind and move forward, if anyone said those things to me sober or drunk I'd walk away as don't need that crap! Don't feel guilty and don't go running after her she is in the wrong if she wants to be in ur life she needs to earn it! I'd just wipe my hands and walk away you deserve so much more and enjoy those around you who are there for the right reasons x

I'm sorry you got upset about the comments Carrie. The girl might have had a leg to stand on if she'd apologised when she was sober but the fact that she continued to be abusive towards you when she was no longer drunk shows she doesn't respect you and your friendship.
Its always hard when a friendship has to come to an end but in this case you have done nothing wrong and you should have your loved ones at the wedding to support you and your OH so you have a great day instead of worrying what this girl could do. If this girl was like this now, what would she be like in the run up to your big day and the hen do etc? X

My my my.

Disgusting, disgraceful, despicable behaviour from her! Sounds completely unhinged to me.

Sounds to me like you're better off without her in your life.

I wouldn't have her at the evening reception let alone as a bridesmaid.

Sorry you had to go through that, look on it as a lucky escape x

Hi, I agree with the others, if she were a true friend she would have realised the error in her ways and apologised for her behaviour a million times.

You want to be able to enjoy your wedding day without the added stress of wondering if your so called friend is going to end up drunk and naked on the dance floor......!

Hopefully you will get the closure you need and enjoy your day xxxx

OMG! what an awful person that is not a friend, we have all had that one drunken night where we have got to drunk, but the next day we all apologise and feel so embarrassed by our actions! I've never been as bad as that, but I would never treat the one person who was looking after me with such abuse the next day I would be begging for forgiveness! Your OH is right and I agree with all the ladies that is defo not someone at you would want at your wedding and she certainly doesn't deserve the title of bridesmaid, I would defo be cutting all ties and not looking back xx