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  1.  
    • CarrieM67
      CommentAuthorCarrieM67
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi all,
    I need some help.
    A few weeks ago I went on a night out with one of my bridesmaids. She got so drunk that she at some point was laying on the dancefloor with her trouser pulled down and bottoms up, got fingered by some stranger and lost all her stuff.
    I was playing her babysitter the entire night, picking her up and dressing her again, getting punched by the guy who had his way with her because I said that "she is in no state to judge what is happening, bugger off", trying to find her shoes, phone, purse, Credit Card etc.
    I had to carry her into a taxi with help of a friend who actually was on a nights out with other people but helped me out driving in the same taxi back. Before we were in the taxi she started threatening me saying things like "If we go now I will tell (my partner) a few things about you-I don't care if its not true but you will pay for ruining the night now!" (It was a quarter to four and the club was shut). On the drive home she called me horrible names and told me im worthless until I snapped and got out of the taxi to walk the rest of the way. I did pay before getting out and also said to her that "I don't have to listen to the words of a skank".
    She was meant to stay at my house and when I arrived she was sitting at the door telling (MY) friend even more horrible things ie. "she might as well be dead as no one would shed a tear" and "she is just a cunt, were not really friends".
    upset with this I told her that she can stay for the night but in the morning she can fuck off as I don't want people like this in my life. she refused so I left her for outside for 35 minutes. she was determined to stay at my mates house who wasn't interested in her whatsoever and just left. she then finally agreed to come in.
    in the morning she only said "basically it was your fault because you only had vodka for predrinks so fuck you c*"
    I sent her several messages on facebook as she wouldn't pick up her phone to sort this out but she blocked me. after her birthday I sent her housemate a message saying that I have a present for amy(bought it before the incident and its personalised). hoping that my "bridesmaid" would come to senses and simply say sorry which didn't happen. instead I got further abuse from her and housemate trying to make me to be the bad person and that I should have forced her into the house. my partner said straight away he no longer wants her to be involved in any kind of wedding plans as she would be a liability and dangerous. others said that she is poisonous and like a cancer and that she only ever is nice when she doesn't have any money. I told her all this in my last message, regretting straight afterwards that I stepped down onto her level.
    I am really upset about all this as I don't like to loose friends and would like to keep her as bridesmaid but after this and with outside comments I see clearer and clearer that she might really just used me and was looking for a reason to end the "friendship".
    shes always been a nightmare when drunk but also a great girl when sober. this is the first time that she is so abusive and defensive although she cannot remember anything at all. I offered her to speak to the people who were involved (my mate, my neighbour, the police who got called by my neighbour as she was shouting the threats and abuse outside the house).

    am I being to harsh with the decision on banning her and should I try to get this whole thing sorted and pretend that I am not upset with her behaviour. she clearly was never interested in sorting anything out but I also know from past experience that she is simply not able to apologise.

    sorry for the long text and the curse words. please help me you lovely b2bs xxxx
  2.  
    • LouiseC103
      CommentAuthorLouiseC103
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    First of all wow can't believe she acted like that and you are getting abuse for it when all you did was look out for her on a night out.
    I agree with your OH. She would be a liability at the wedding if she got drunk and god knows what she would end up saying to family and friends. Also and more importantly this is your wedding day and you don't want to be worrying about her. You want to relax and enjoy your day and it seems that she has no interest in sorting it out. It's a shame that this has happened and that a friendship has been lost but if she is saying all that stuff when she is meant to be your bridesmaid I really wouldn't want or trust her as my bridesmaid.
    Sorry your having a hard time Carrie but no your not be harsh banning her. In all honesty that would have been the first thing I said to her the morning after.




  3.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh dear your friend sounds like a nightmare.

    To be honest she doesn't deserve to be your bridesmaid after the things she's called you. I'd leave her be. You don't want her to ruin your big day either. If I was in your shoes I'd have nothing more to do with her. She obviously doesn't value your friendship. Big hugs x

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  4.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi Carrie,
    I'm sorry but I think your OH is right. She doesn't sound like a good friend to talk to/about you like that no only when shes drunk but also when she's sober. If I was you I would cut all ties with her and look on it as a lucky escape. You have been an amazing friend to her for looking after her and giving her the opportunities to come back to you but it has been push in your face.

    Up coming wedding or no wedding, I personally wouldn't want her as a friend let alone a bridesmaid. xx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  5.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
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    It does sound like it's the right thing to leave her out of the wedding. You were a brilliant friend to her and don't deserve the abuse you've had. Even if she does ultimately apologise, you can't risk her getting drunk at the wedding. and having another night like that.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  6.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Absolutely no way would she be at my wedding, let alone as a bridesmaid! How DARE she act like that then try to blame and insult you. I'm speechless! Would you want her at your wedding bad mouthing you and acting like that in front of your family/friends?

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  7.  
    • FutureMrsW
      CommentAuthorFutureMrsW
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It sounds to me as if she has a problem with drink and knowing when to moderate, I would consider her a distinct liability at the wedding at all tbh, and certainly wouldn't trust her with bridesmaid!

    It's tough, as it is important to maintain friendships and such, but you were only trying to help her out and drink or not she should not be reacting with such inappropriate behaviour. Your bridesmaids on the day should be there supporting you and helping out with any issues, they should be the one helping with all the drunks, not being one of them. Well done on a tough decision :)




  8.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I wouldn't have anything to do with this girl anymore. Run for hills and don't look back. X
  9.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Good God... She sounds awful. I think your OH is right, she should definitely be banned, and I wouldn't have anything to do with her ever again.

    These things happen for a reason. She sounds just... horrendous. She got finger raped by a stranger because she was so drunk and doesn't remember anything about it... and you taking her home means you ruined her night? I just... WTF?? She's crazy. Literally.

    Steer well clear xx
  10.  
    • CarrieM67
      CommentAuthorCarrieM67
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi all,

    In all honesty i just cried over your comments.
    I dont know if i hoped you would tell me that i was being in the wrong or anything but that you all say what i have been thinking somehow breaks my heart but also gives me closure. Thank you for the advice. Lots of love to all of you xxx
  11.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
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    You deserve to be happy on your wedding day and if she comes I think she will spoil it for you x

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  12.  
    • LouiseC103
      CommentAuthorLouiseC103
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Carrie sorry you cried hun I'm sure none of us wanted that. It's a hard position to be in but you need people around you that have your back and that are there for you on your wedding day in fact should be there for you no matter what day it is.
    I hope you do get closure hun because people like that don't change (speaking from experience with a family member that now never gets invited to anything which is sad coz she is lovely without a drink as well) but you just have to think about you and what's best for you and OH for your day.
    We are all here to listen and help if we can xxx




  13.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 4th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Wow what an awful friend she is!! I think this is a big sign for you to leave her behind and move forward, if anyone said those things to me sober or drunk I'd walk away as don't need that crap! Don't feel guilty and don't go running after her she is in the wrong if she wants to be in ur life she needs to earn it! I'd just wipe my hands and walk away you deserve so much more and enjoy those around you who are there for the right reasons x
  14.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Sep 5th 2015
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    Oh my lord above.

    Well to be honest, I think you are better off without her as a friend or part of your wedding party. If she stopped to such behaviour on that night out, what on earth would she do on your wedding day? I hate to think. I'd cut your losses, make no contact with her, let her have her say in rumours, your true friends will not believe them anyway.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  15.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 5th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm sorry you got upset about the comments Carrie. The girl might have had a leg to stand on if she'd apologised when she was sober but the fact that she continued to be abusive towards you when she was no longer drunk shows she doesn't respect you and your friendship.
    Its always hard when a friendship has to come to an end but in this case you have done nothing wrong and you should have your loved ones at the wedding to support you and your OH so you have a great day instead of worrying what this girl could do. If this girl was like this now, what would she be like in the run up to your big day and the hen do etc? X
  16.  
    • FutureMrsW
      CommentAuthorFutureMrsW
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 5th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Carrie I wish you all the best at this hard time and am very sorry you are in such a tough situation, she must be a really good friend if she was going to be a BM, so it's hard to feel like you're giving up on her. However, from a B2B point of view, you do need to know you can depend on your BMs on the day.

    Perhaps you can go and have a cuppa and a chat with her, in a few weeks and when she is sober, and explain that you'd still love to have her as a BM but that you need to be able to depend on her. Explain your concern over her drinking, and that you are there to help her if she wants it, and maybe she can - in a way - 'earn' her spot as BM, perhaps by being sober for a month for charity or something so you can see she can control herself and she can have more confidence in herself.

    However, the sad fact is, this approach will only work if she is willing to reflect on her behaviour and change her own actions, so try not to waste too much of your worry and energy on it if you keep hitting dead ends. You can't change her by yourself, no matter how hard you try :( Best of luck sweetie, hope you keep us updated with the rest of your wedding prep x




  17.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 5th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My my my.

    Disgusting, disgraceful, despicable behaviour from her! Sounds completely unhinged to me.

    Sounds to me like you're better off without her in your life.

    I wouldn't have her at the evening reception let alone as a bridesmaid.

    Sorry you had to go through that, look on it as a lucky escape x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  18.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Sep 5th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I understand that drink can make people say vile thing BUT she has continued this STONE COLD SOBER ..... cut her out of your life

  19.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Sep 6th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi, I agree with the others, if she were a true friend she would have realised the error in her ways and apologised for her behaviour a million times.

    You want to be able to enjoy your wedding day without the added stress of wondering if your so called friend is going to end up drunk and naked on the dance floor......!

    Hopefully you will get the closure you need and enjoy your day xxxx

    Members signature icon



  20.  
    • Louiseyweesey
      CommentAuthorLouiseyweesey
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 6th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with everyone else. Honestly that's no way to treat a friend! I wouldn't want her at my wedding - actually, I don't think I'd want to see her again! I'd just completely cut all ties, don't worry about contacting her or anything like that. If she's genuinely sorry she will have to prove it to you - and she needs to be the one who makes the first move. If she doesn't, you've not lost anything! xxxx
  21.  
    • Sarah D
      CommentAuthorSarah D
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 7th 2015
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    OMG! what an awful person that is not a friend, we have all had that one drunken night where we have got to drunk, but the next day we all apologise and feel so embarrassed by our actions! I've never been as bad as that, but I would never treat the one person who was looking after me with such abuse the next day I would be begging for forgiveness! Your OH is right and I agree with all the ladies that is defo not someone at you would want at your wedding and she certainly doesn't deserve the title of bridesmaid, I would defo be cutting all ties and not looking back xx

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016


 
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