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  1.  
    • CattyS55
      CommentAuthorCattyS55
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 20th 2016
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    Can someone tell me what the duties are of the bridesmaid? I have had one bridesmaid help with a lot of wedding prep and give me loads of ideas, whilst the other hasn't been helpful at all and I get the impression she is just going to turn up on the day. She did however tell me how I have to give the bridesmaids' presents, yet I feel she either doesnt deserve a present or one that is not as good as the bridesmaid who has helped me. Can someone give me some suggestions? Thanks
  2.  
    • LauraH813
      CommentAuthorLauraH813
      Posted: Sep 21st 2016
     
    Hi Catherine,
    I think it varies greatly in what people consider a Bridesmaids role. Some Brides like to get them involved by allocating tasks and other brides just want them to show up on the day and look pretty.
    I have 3 Bridesmaids and they have had varying degrees of interest in the planning of the day. That said 2 of them don't live nearby and so there really isn't much they could do to help anyway.
    All I really expect from them is to help me choose their dress, shoes ect and to enjoy the day with me. So long as they are supportive and show some enthusiasm I'm happy and so far so good.
    I don't think there is anything wrong with giving one Bridesmaid a nicer or extra present if you feel they deserve it. I have brought all 3 of mine 2 gifts each that are the same and plan to buy a little something extra for my MOH and give it to her on the quiet as a more personal thank you from me for all her help and advice.
    Do what you think is best.
  3.  
    • Lesley0401
      CommentAuthorLesley0401
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2016
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    Hi Catherine,
    I agree with Laura, it really depends on what you want her to do. Is there anything you can ask her to do if you want her to be more involved or even ask her if there is anything she would like to do to help? She might be waiting for you to ask her? Either way I think the idea of giving the one who has helped more something else on the quiet is a nice idea but again, do what you think is best.

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    The future Mrs Perry


  4.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2016
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    Sorry to read one BM isn't being very helpful. Bit cheeky of her to tell you about the gift bit! I wouldn't be impressed.

    Basically there are official bridesmaid duties but these days brides use their bridesmaids in different ways for different things as Laura and Lesley said.

    Is there anything you've asked her to do that she's ducked out of?

    Generally bridesmaids should help (within reason) with anything the bride wants such as helping her choose her dress and their dress, help with DIY bits like decorations, invitations like envelope stuffing or even making them if they're quite creative or good with art type stuff, making up favours, coming up with ideas and suggestions when asked, being there to listen and sometimes dry some tears and help to organise and plan the Hen do. Of course there's more they could do or less depending on what the bride expects.

    When I was bridesmaid before I did loads, almost like a wedding planner but I was MOH and was for my sister. When I was bridesmaid for my cousins, once I was there to help her dress and change outfits only (but she lives abroad so couldn't really be more involved), the other one I just turned up on the day and looked pretty (was my cousin's wife though, she borrowed us because she didn't have much other female family to have as BMs).

    I'm my best mate's BM (not her MOH), but I've already started by spending a few hours advising her on what she needs to do that's essential and then advised on things to consider. I'm also arranging wedding dress shopping trips.

    It really all depends on the bride basically.

    If you do feel she's not pulling her weight like you want her to then speak to her. See why she isn't getting involved. Maybe ask her to help with something particular? x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  5.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2016
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    Ooooh and I bought my bestie her first wedding outfit item as a surprise, got her a silver sixpence for her shoe, nice and discreet, so many people forget that bit. Gave it to her less than a week after she got engaged.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  6.  
    • LaurenD45
      CommentAuthorLaurenD45
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2016
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    My bridesmaids are just going to turn up on the day. I fully believe in the saying "if you want something doing to your standards then do it yourself..."
  7.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2016
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    Lauren that's great if that's how you want it.

    My bridesmaids were both very involved. They both wanted to be and so we had lots of fun. My sister did more, well she was MOH and my sister and at the time lived closest to me (now they live equal distance and time from me). My best mate though was a great help and was very involved in all the things I needed her for. I couldn't have done it without either of them.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

 
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