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  1.  
    • CattyS55
      CommentAuthorCattyS55
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi, I wanted to get some advice on how to handle a situation with my bridesmaid. I have 4 bridesmaids, 2 are my sisters and they are under 16 and the other two are my friends who have been my friends for 20 years, we have all been really close until I got engaged and started planning my wedding. One of my bridesmaid's is really happy for me and has helped with a lot of things but the other one hasn't helped with anything even when I've asked her to come to appointments or for ideas. She also has something on when I have to meet with a supplier. The only time she did turn up was when we went bridesmaid dress shopping and then snapped at me. I'm starting to get concerned as on the day I may need help going to the toilet or someone to just check the suppliers have done things right and I don't think I can rely on her, I think she's going to just turn up for the sake of turning up. Like she told me her child would be coming to the wedding even though due to numbers and costs I'm not having kids. Not everything is about my wedding or me but I've asked loads of times for her help and haven't got any help from her. She was meant to arrange my hen do for February and hasn't arranged anything and the hens are contacting me asking what's going on. It's meant to be a weekend away but a surprise for me, yet no one has been told the details or when exactly it is or how much it costs. I'm not concerned as it's November and with Christmas coming up the hens won't be given enough time to save money especially as the bridesmaid was meant to have been organising this since June.

    I just wanted to get some advice on how to handle this situation.
  2.  
    • Wizbit89
      CommentAuthorWizbit89
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    firstly I am so sorry you are having such a negative experience with someone that should be loving going through this with you.

    I think how you approach this is very personal, maybe go out for lunch and have a chat and explain you need a bit more support? or mention the hen and the worries you have. If she is still unhelpful it might be a matter of having a discussion you don't want to have :(

    my friend had a similar experience and both her bridesmaids who were sisters were really unhelpful and lost all enthusiasm, they tried to give her a hen with her fiancé sitting in the flat below waiting to take the bride home because they didn't want to do what the bride wanted. she didn't say anything and had them at the day and has since had to edit photos etc to try and remove them and they haven't spoken since.

    I think honesty may be the best if not hardest policy.

    I really hope you get this sorted xxxx
  3.  
    • Wundatigga
      CommentAuthorWundatigga
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree - it's definitely a case of having a chat about your concerns. Obviously it will be difficult and could cause a row - but in my experience a row with feelings in the open is better than anger and resentment pent up inside.

    If it coems to it you may even have to ask her if she really wants to be bridesmaid? Put it in a way that says that you don't want her to feel she has to out of duty to you and your friendship.

    Good luck, I hope you can work it out xx

    Members signature icon
    Started dating: 10th February 2011
    Welcomed our little girl: May 2015
    I proposed: 23rd December 2015
    I finally become Mrs R 17th August 2017
  4.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It's difficult, if you do say something she may call you a bridezilla and tell you not everything is about your wedding (this is my own experiences) I have 4 bm's and a MOH, what I have found is you have different types of bm's cause they are different people, some just want to turn up on the day and some want to help out. Perhaps your friend is the first one. I have one that has no interest in planning at all, she just wants to turn up but I have no doubt she will be with me every step of the way on the day, it is very frustrating

    I would def put my foot down about the child though, no children means no children. Hope you get it sorted. I have found the best way was to just ignore it and not go to that bm for any help/advice. xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


 
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