Wedding Forum - Bridesmaid disaster- should she still be a...

Hi,

I am in need of some other bride advice.
I have two bridesmaids. Long story short: One of them on the way home from my hen night on saturday had started an argument with my mother, which my mother did not retaliate. Once all back at mine where they were all staying, i went to bed and my bridesmaid tried to continue to provoke my Mam for a fight and accusing her of allsorts. When she didn't get a reaction from her she went to start on another friend who was also staying (my other bridesmaid was with me cos i was abit upset with everything). My advised her to go to bed and didn't want the other friend had a go out and tried to step between them to avoid confrontation, at which point my bridesmaid grabbed my mams wrist, when asked to let go she tightened it. My other friend had to drag her upstairs which the bridesmaid had a hissy fit and left.

I woke up to find my mother and 2 friends very shocked and upset the next morning. I did not hear from her on sunday except for a text to say she was at her mums and could she collect stuff tomorrow.

I saw the bridesmaid yesterday and i listened to what she had to say before making any judgements. She didn't seem to think she was in the wrong. She said a different turn of events from the taxi - all of which i remember because i was there - she was shocked when i said i remembered and got abit oh oh back tracky. I stated that in spite of everything everyone owes everyone an apology and myself one for causing me upset in all of this. My bridesmaid at points where was wrong but hardly apologised to me. She also accused me of not knowing her etc. I explained that i was upset because how are they going to behave on wedding day etc and out of everyone she knows the grief i have had from the moment we picked a date from other family members (aunties)- some of which i was nervous about seeing on my hen because of how they've treated me etc.
When in a moment of tension i said i don't know how to fix this and when she'd provoked me i said 'Her name i don't think you can be bridemaid anymore' to which she responded ' i think thats wise'. I said i needed time to think and everyone to apologise. (i also told her that all this could have been sorted already if they had done)
My mam is prepared to put aside the situation for the sake of me on the day but i am not sure if i'll be comfortable with them being on edge and nervous around each other. I have also since found out that she has been bullying my other bridesmaid and their friendship is done who has also said that for me she'll go with it for the wedding day.

I don't think this bridesmaid will apologise to anyone and i don't thinks she can be part of the day any more. Shes hurt alot of my nearest and dearest and myself, i don't know if our friendship will ever recover from this anyway. I forgiven a lot of her in the past when for the sake of an easy life and i am gutted she was apologetic to me yesterday. She is off back to London and i don't know when i'll see her again. I told her i needed time. I had concerns about her on the day anyway but thought she'd behave because it is my day but she couldn't even for the sake of the hen!

Am i wrong for thinking its time to move on? I have been left sick to my stomach the last few days and riddled with unnecessary doubts and concerns. Plus i don't want my Mam or other bridemaid on the day. I need calm and collected and happy for me and i think the only way i'll get this is if she's not there. But i'm getting so many opinions/telling me what to do. I just don't know!

My wedding planning experience has been full of silly drama from the day we got engaged none of which was warranted and i am just so shocked that people can't put our happiness first. As much as i can't wait to marry my husband to be, we are both looking forward to an opinion free marriage from others!

Thank you so much in advance for any support/advice you ladies can give!

I feel so sorry for you. I hope your moms arm is ok.
I think you already know the answer to your questions and are looking for reassurance.
I agree with you that the way she acted on your hen means you cannot trust her on the wedding day. Plus if you want the day to be a pleasant one for your mom and BM then you have definitely made the right decision. If I were in your position and a 'friend' had done that to my mom I would be saying goodbye for good and putting them in my past. That is my personal opinion though.

Sending hugs x

I agree with Nicola, She definitely should not be a bridesmaid, the way she has acted on the hen night says she has no respect for your day, and honestly I have no doubt it'll happen again on your wedding day once she's had a drink, you need to remember that it's you day and if someone is trying to ruin that for you then you need to cut them out the picture, like you've said you doubt the friendship will recover. I think for the sake of your happiness and your nearest and dearest she shouldn't be invited to the wedding, if you really want her there, maybe invite her to the evening? hope this helps xoxo

100% not. I am not sure what the argument was about, but regardless she attacked your Mum and for me that would enough for me to not even question my decision. As for your friendship, it doesn't sound like she's a particularly good friend who went all out to try and ruin your hen, which she succeeded at. I'd cut your losses and move on and not make any further contact.

I agree with the others. She obviously not prepared to apologise. If it was me I wouldn't have her at the wedding at all because she could quiet easily kick off there as well. Your big day should be stress free and even if she just came as a guest your going to be on tenterhooks worrying incase she kicks off again xx

I agree, she should no way be bridesmaid and I would certainly be considering whether I want her at the wedding at all. She can't be trusted not to do the same thing on your wedding day.

Thank you so much for all your support! I was definitely needing the reassurance! I definitely feel i am going through the grieving process with this and feel her behaviour has voided the friendship but a few people seemed to think i was over reacting and that struck a nerve with me more than anything else. My mam is fine just more worried about me. I stand by the decision and think all of us will be happier without her on the day. I warned her that yesterday that i would be standing by Mam and hope she understands why. Just so disgusted with it all. Nice to hear from you all that i am perfectly in the right! Feel so much better, Thanks again!!! Xx

OMG thats awful, hope your mum is ok? if my 'friend' upset my mother in anyway they would be gone. you didn't overreact at all, I would of gone crazy at her. if i had that situation I wouldn't even have her at wedding at all i would be so worried about the trouble she would cause