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  1.  
    • ClaireM1076
      CommentAuthorClaireM1076
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
     
    Hello All. I would like some advice. My H2B & I got engaged in January and getting married next June. I chose my bridesmaids quite early on…. My childhood best friend, my sister-in-law and my H2Bs sister. My H2Bs sister was very excited and said she couldn’t wait to help. Since then she has stopped speaking to me, she won’t meet my other bridesmaids and gives various excuses… like she doesn’t want to waste her spare days with people she doesn’t know, she doesn’t feel she should help out and just wants to turn up on the day, she says she’s busy at uni and her stress is far greater than mine. I have tried to arrange for all the bridesmaids to see the dress I’ve chosen and try it on but she won’t take part. I’ve arranged the fitting for January and asked her to meet at my house so I can drive all the girls up there have a bridesmaid dress fitting and then have lunch – make a day of it so they get to know each other. She has told me that she won’t travel with us and has invited her mum & dad to come back from Spain (they live out there) to pick her up & drive her to the fitting and then leave.
    My H2B is disappointed by her actions and behaviour and I would prefer she wasn’t a bridesmaid as I can do without the extra stress but he wants her anyway as she is his sister. I have tried communicating with her but she won’t take my calls, ignores my texts and messages via facebook. My H2B has tried calling her and she has hung up on him. My best friend has tried messaging her on facebook but she’s ignoring her too. I don’t know what to do for the best. Any advice?
  2.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i would have a real cards on the table talk with her...... how do you get on with your in laws? could you get hold of MIL and see what she can do .

  3.  
    • ClaireM1076
      CommentAuthorClaireM1076
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
     
    I get on well with them and I have tried talking to the MIL but unfortunately the sister seems to get her own way on a lot of things and the family just accept her behaviour. The MIL says her daughter is so busy with uni trying to get a distinction and its too early for her to get involved.

    My H2Bs sister is 25 yrs old next month and she throws temper tantrums to get what she wants. For example I was at the in-laws last Christmas and because my H2Bs sister couldn't choose the film after lunch she stormed up stairs refused to eat with anyone or spend anytime with the family over Christmas.
  4.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Just say to your other half if she can't be bothered to even try and help our even reply to him let alone you, your not having her, either she stood behaving like a child or she's out.

    When is your wedding? Can't see as your profile is private.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  5.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    when does the sister finish uni ?..... what does she mean get a distinction ?

  6.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    she threw a tantrum because she couldnt choice the film .... omg the girl needs a slap ... ahhhhh maybe thats a good idea

    SLAP HER

  7.  
    • ClaireM1076
      CommentAuthorClaireM1076
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
     
    She's the baby of his family and I've always found her behaviour odd. She's at Uni in her final year and wants a distinction for her politics degree. She's doing well and on track for that. Our wedding is 19 June and her exams finish in May - I made sure that didn't interfere with her exams. I know it will be hard for her to take part running up to her exams but I don't see what she can't communicate with me and help out now?
    I have enough stress with my own family, my parents have stopped talking to me - and I'm now on anxiety medication so I could do without without with my H2Bs sisters bad behaviour.
    I have told him if she refuses to talk to me I don't want her but I know how much it hurts him.
  8.  
    • LeanneS91
      CommentAuthorLeanneS91
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Is poweruserBadgeBadge
     
    This sounds awful. What a spoilt little brat!!!
    I just wouldn't ask her to do anything for the wedding anymore! Still have her as a bridesmaid but just sort everything out without her. It sounds nasty but u don't need anymore stress. Just have her dress ready for when u see her then she can try it on.
    Hope u feel better soon. Xx

    Members signature icon
    Leanne
    Marrying my best friend on 18th October
    Making our life complete with our 2 beautiful girls
  9.  
    • EmmaH444
      CommentAuthorEmmaH444
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    She sounds like a nightmare :( The best thing would be to drop her but I think that would be difficult and cause another sort of stress, it's a bit of a no-win situation. Good luck x

    Members signature icon
    Met 29/3/2006
    Engaged 24/8/13
    Married 26th August 2016
  10.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    sorry i disagree with Leanne ( sorry hunni ) but why oh why should she have all the fun of being a bridesmaid with out giving anything ..... its not like she is keeping in touch but cant make fittings because of uni commitments ...SHE has CHOOSEN to not be in touch with you so i would scarp her from the wedding party and as for getting her parents to fly home to take her to a fitting .. well you have just saved them money ..

    STOP TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE ELSE AT THE DETRIMENT OF YOUR OWN HEALTH

  11.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    The BM job is chosen by the bride so you have every right to say that you don't want her to be your bm, despite what your oh says. You could always demote her so that she still has a job in the wedding, just something not so important as a bm like a reading during the ceremony

    You could put this to her and it might give her the wake up call she needs to stop being such a spoilt so and so. If it doesn't, then you know she didn't want to do it in the first place. x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  12.  
    • ClaireM1076
      CommentAuthorClaireM1076
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
     
    Thanks ladies. Its not an easy situation. My H2B wants me to keep her but just don't involve her in anything but I feel that rewards bad behaviour. If I remove her to reduce my stress it may cause more stress with my in-laws.... its a no-win situation.
    I have said to my H2B that we both try to talk to her again and ask if she can commit & communicate re: the wedding and if she can't do that then she can't be a bridesmaid. That way its effectively her choice and shouldn't upset in the in-laws.
  13.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    you don't deserve to be treated like that in any way! being a bridesmaid is a privilege not a right and she should be honoured that you want her by your side on your big day.
    if i was you i would just cut your losses now and say you think its best she is just part of the bridal party and thats it, why should you have to deal with her immaturity!
    good luck
    xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  14.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I feel so sorry for you! I gave one of my BM's an 'Out' a few weeks ago, and she hasn't spoken to me since. Don't think she's annoyed, but I don't think she wants to give me a committed answer until she knows where she stands in her life near the run-up to the Wedding. It's obviously not practical for me, wanting to organise everything, knowing that you can't just turn up a month before the Wedding when YOU feel like it, expecting there to 'magically' be a beautiful gown fitted exactly to your body, with shoes already picked and waiting for you, and go on all these wonderful Bridal spa days, lunches, etc, without helping to plan any of it..but WE know that, because we are Brides to be..they are not, and probably don't realise how irritating they are being.

    I personally think that you need to find out from MIL when or if she is coming back down before the dresses have to be ordered, then sit her down and explain that you sympathise with the fact that she has a tonne of work to do, and it's obviously very stressful for her, but at the same time. You are almost single-handedly (I presume) organising an entire Wedding, which, unfortunately has due dates for ordering dresses, and selecting shoes, etc. Explain that you don't expect her to be able to make every single BM outing, but it would mean a lot to both you and your OH if she could maybe make a bit of effort, as it feels like she's not supporting your upcoming Marriage, and it's putting a strain on you emotionally.
    If she refuses to see sense after a softly softly approach, then play hard ball and strike her from your Bridal party. It's an honour, not a chore.

    Good luck x
  15.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think first you need to explain to your H2B what you expect from a bridesmaid, and point out that it isn't fair on your other bridesmaids if she doesn't pull her weight but is treated equally. Then give her the ultimatum that she has to get involved to a reasonable extent. All she really needs is come to a fitting with the girls, support the hen do, and be around in the last few days. When I was bridesmaid for my twin brother I was as involved as I was asked to be. I joined the others for dress shopping, helped the CBM with the hen do as we both lived in Cardiff, and arrived the day before to help set up. I also played the flute for the signing of the register and spent a lot of time preparing that. The CBM did most of the preparation but that's as it should be. When my younger brother got engaged and I was again asked I was very honest and explained that as I was planning my own wedding I might be limited in what help I could give, but I would offer support on the day, and was happy to bounce ideas around on Facebook. SIL was fine with that, she knew I was wedding planning too. It worked really well as two brides to be comparing notes. I supported the hen do and went dress shopping, but wasn't involved in anything else before the day except the rehearsal. Her twin sister was CBM. It is a bit difficult for the groom's sister, I was always aware that as much as I got on with the brides I was only involved because I was the future sister-in-law. Perhaps if you can say you just want one day from her for the dress fitting, and you'll make sure the hen do isn't until after her exams, so she knows that you are taking her commitments seriously. Then you can give her a specific job to do towards the end, so she feels like she has a part to play. I always felt a little bit out on a limb, maybe she feels the same.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  16.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sorry to hear about your SIL2B giving you stress. Personally I'd be sacking her like now! Silly immature little brat.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  17.  
    • ClaireM1076
      CommentAuthorClaireM1076
      Posted: Oct 24th 2014
     
    Thank you all for your advice. Just to update... my soon to be SIL has sent a nasty email to my H2B.... which has said....

    "we are not Americans and the demands you're making of me goes far beyond them" - I've only asked her to meet the other bridesmaids, attend a dress fitting and reply to emails & text messages re the wedding - but she's not spoken to me for months!

    "I no longer feel like pandering to your fiancee" - she has honestly done nothing for me as she hasn't spoken to me for months!

    "I'll take no further crap for the fact you've decided to marry that problem" - I've done nothing but be nice to that girl!

    "You're wasting your money on a pathetic expensive display" - I fear she has no idea what weddings cost & I personally think we have been very careful with our money.

    Her nasty email has been the last straw for me & I have no idea why she hates me so much?? But I've told her that I've seen the email and if she feels that strongly about me I think its best she is no longer a bridesmaid. She hasn't responded but the bestmen have told me she has text them saying she is being punished for being honest!!?
    She's not a bridesmaid because she has been rude and shows no remorse for her nasty email.
    I certainly feel I've done the right thing by removing her from being bridesmaid.

    Thank you for all your support!
  18.  
    • NaomiC8
      CommentAuthorNaomiC8
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 25th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You have definitely done the right thing, that was downright disrespectful..
    i applaud you for putting up with her nonsense for this long. Given her lack of contribution or willingness to get involved, shows she has minimal respect for her brother at least. She does appear spoiled and i think the best decision is to leave her out of it.
    Let her concentrate on her studies and get her distinction, if she doesn't, she would probably blame you, i wouldn't put it past her.

    It is your day (and your OH), so if you want to make a big day of it then you should and you are fully entitled to, she is young and inconsiderate, but her day will come.

    You made the right decision and i wish you all the best for your big day.
  19.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 25th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    What a nightmare she is! Good riddance to her!

    Although you still have an extra dress am I right? Do you have a friend who could replace her? What has your OH had to say about her since she's said that? X

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  20.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh my word where has all of her venom and jealousy come from? You are well rid of her. She sounds very bitter. She wouldn't even be on my guest list full stop after that outburst.

    Onwards and upwards Claire x
  21.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Omg, such a crazy and stupid woman!
    It's good that it was sorted out, but it was not the best way. But don't get stressed about it, keep enjoying planning your big day :D
  22.  
    • ClaireM1076
      CommentAuthorClaireM1076
      Posted: Oct 27th 2014
     
    Thank you ladies. Thankfully I don't have a third dress. Bridesmaid fitting is in January.... as late I can for a wedding in June. My best friend may be pregnant by then and my other SIL (my brothers wife) would have a new-born by then (5 weeks old in January). They are wonderfully supportive bridesmaids & I'm doing all I can to support them - I'm having the dresses altered to allow for easy breastfeeding.
    My H2B is really upset & disappointed in her behaviour. She's his only sister. He agrees she can't be a bridesmaid after that outburst x
  23.  
    • NaomiC8
      CommentAuthorNaomiC8
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 27th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It's the best way and it just shows that your marrying the right guy who will support you always....

    Good times...

    Bring on the celebrations.
  24.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 28th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I worry that she's going to make the wedding all about her...especially when it comes to choosing the bridesmaids dresses, hairstyles etc. I do agree with the others that she is being very petty about things, I mean she has to see all these people at the prep in the morning of the wedding so why make that awkward,you just make the effort to meet everyone before don't you. Definitely meet up with her and see if there's any underlying problem that she hadn't told you about as to why she won't go in January. If it is because she is just being spoilt and there's no other problem, then despite your h2bs reservations, I definitely think you should relieve her of the duty,as I know it gets even more stressful the closer you get to the wedding and I don't think you want to have to baby her all the way either x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
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