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Wedding Forum - Best Friends don't seem to care......

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  1.  
    • ShelleyC14
      CommentAuthorShelleyC14
      Posted: Jan 18th 2016
     
    I'm over the moon to begin wedding prep as we have planned 2017!

    I have 4 friends I would love to have involved! 3 (Stacy Joan and Paula)used to be best friends but over the years, we weren't as close as we were and then I met my best friend Laura who will be my maid of honour!

    Sadly 2 of my old friends don't seem to care much about the wedding or planning. I took the old friends out for lunch recently, Paula who has always been kind was so thrilled but the other 2 just ignored everything I was saying and kept having discussions of their own between them, even though I was wanting to tell them I would love for them to be bridesmaids.
    I ended up putting it off as they didn't care and went home heartbroken that they couldnt be happy for me,

    The two who ignored the conversation have families of their own, not married but do have children but Joan did have a bad experience planning their wedding in the past and I know she might be a bit upset/jeleous but she is making it clear she just doesn't want to know anything about my day :(.

    It's agrivating me that now I am now thinking just to have my maid of honour Laura and my Paula as my bridesmaid since the others don't seem to care!

    I feel like I'm being a diva but I've not rubbed any details or planning in their faces, the meet up was the first time we met since I got engaged and I haven't boasted about it to anyone but I feel like I'm being ignored because I'm finally happy.

    I'm sorry to rant, it's getting to me a lot and with the planning underway, I want to start cementing plans and people soon!
  2.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I have 5 bm's, one of which was a bit frosty when I first got engaged and started planning, I think it was due to a little bit of jealousy, she has yet to actually ask me to see my ring lol but she is so important to me I asked her anyways and she was actually made up and has been so helpful with planning.

    Don't apologise for ranting thats what here is for :)

    Do you think maybe they would be different once they have been asked to be BM or do you think that maybe you have drifted apart too much? You don't want to ask them and then regret it. xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  3.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It sounds like Laura and Paula are definites, so perhaps you could ask them to be your bridesmaids now, and then if you trust them to keep confidentiality discuss the decision about the other two with them, particularly if they know them. Potentially arrange another meet-up and Laura and Paula can discreetly observe responses and give an opinion afterwards. The final decision has to be yours. It's never too late to ask someone to join your bridal party, but it can be very tricky if you ask them and then change your mind, so don't ask them unless you're certain.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  4.  
    • ShelleyC14
      CommentAuthorShelleyC14
      Posted: Jan 18th 2016
     
    My 3 friends were all primary school friends (20+years friends) but in the past 5-10 years, I moved a bit further away from them (not too far but accessible via train or car) and they seem to have formed their own little clique.

    Paula is the only friend who is still as loving and friendly as she was 20 years ago whereas the other who appear to have bonded over their children and also live close together. I get the occasional message to meet up but often I need to travel 2h on public transport to visit them and they've never returned the gesture despite both being able to drive with exception of Paula (who can't drive) again who has met me half way!

    I am unsure if the little niggling issues might be why I'm taking this so hard and how it's amplified what they were doing on the lunch date!

    I have already asked Laura to be my BoH as we have been friends for years and would love for Paula to be a BM but this might cause friction with the other 2 so I might just wait until closer to the time and ask.
    I got engaged 4 months ago, and it was only in December that they all agreed to meet and only Paula looked at my ring or was interested in what happened.

    It was always my plan growing up that they would all be involved but now I'm beginning to question my friendship!

    Thanks for your advice! It's making me think about things a bit more xx
  5.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It sounds like potentially you could ask Paula on her own, but perhaps a bit later on assuming that the others still remain distant. The main thing is that you are happy with who you have, even if that means singling Paula out from the group. You could even jay have Laura, but it does sound like you would like to have Paula too.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  6.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    From your OP and then your follow up I would say you should ask Laura and Paula.
    It's one thing to drift apart, but another to not really be that nice anymore when you meet up.
  7.  
    • MercyK
      CommentAuthorMercyK
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Feb 2nd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think if it was in your heart to ask them to be BM then you should do it, for yourself and for your friendship. They will end up being so helpful to you and they will see that you have a good heart because you didn't give into that feeling of despair.

    Members signature icon



  8.  
    • LeanneM842
      CommentAuthorLeanneM842
      Posted: May 3rd 2016
      edited
     
    I have the same problem... now I dont know who to ask as my 3 'best' friends have all moved on with their lives and forgotton about me

    one didnt even invite me too her wedding
    one asked me to be bridesmaid, then took it back, then put me on the 'suppliers' table away from other guests
    one hasnt asked or spoke to me much at all since her engagement party over a year ago

    I stopped going out when I had my children and they all have made 'new' best friends and I feel completely replaced, Im the kind of person who you can go even years without seeing but i'll still always treat you the same like no time has passed at all and they litrally replaced me the second my back was turned and when I see them now they talk constantly about their 'new' friend or ignore me to phone their 'new' friend or have even left super early after making plans with me because their 'new' friend wants them to go see/do something... just downright rude and mean but all 3 do it :'(

    also dispite me having children I always have to travel to them, they wont even meet in the middle and often I get their an they change plans and just leave me there with nothing to do
  9.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Leanne I wouldn't accept that behaviour, they don't deserve to be bm. I wouldn't cut them out as they are old friends but maybe you need to move on with your life too. My oldest friend is my bm she is planning her wedding and I haven't been asked to be her bm. It stung a bit as I may think more or her than she thinks of me but thats life unfortunately. xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


 
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