Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”
Later, you get a text from the bride — “I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins.“I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.” (for the full story the link is on my wall)
Who do you think was rude, the bride or guest? Do you expect your guests to cover their plate? What is a good gift/bad gift?
CommentAuthorKellyB81
IMO rude bride! you invite people to share your special day - I wouldn't expect a gift but if anything was received it was greatly appreciated - unless you have very rich friends you will never get back what you have paid out - if your not prepared to accept that don't invite people in the first place!
Kelly x
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
Wow, what a rude, ungrateful woman! She needs to learn some manners and be gracious in whatever gift she receives. I would in no way, shape or form, expect a guest 'to cover their plate'; that's why we all save so hard beforehand, so WE can cover the cost.
Personally, for me, if I'd received that text, that would probably be the end of our friendship/acquaintance.
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
The bride! It's always rude to expect a gift of specific value...i never ink of it as 'covering the plate cost'....
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorGiggler81
OMG thats soooooo rude!
Sounds like shes one of these brides that see the idea of a wedding as a way of making money back through gifts!
My personal opinion is that is someone wanted to give us a gift then we would be chuffed whatever it was.
I think your gift sounded lovely and really thoughtful - More thughtful than an envelope!
I bet as a kid she was the girl who threw a party and was only interested in the presents! lol
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorhis duck
Wow!
That's disgusting! One thing for bride to think jt but to tell you is well out of order!
My mum keeps putting pressure on for us to state what we want but tbh I don't expect nor would I want people forking loads out idbe. Happy with a charrity shop gnome.
What you gave was gorgeous and thoughtfully written. Id be over moon with that. hope she's not going to yours lol xxx
Is a very lucky girl :)
CommentAuthorJoanna
edited
Just read the full story on your wall, wow the woman is even more rude and disgraceful than this already makes her look! You chose how much you spend on a wedding and your guests aren't responsible for that. You should be grateful for any gift recieved, and to text them like that was one of the rudest things I've ever read. What an awful woman.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthorKaren22
Very rude bride and very ungrateful... I'd have loved the thought that went into your gift..
I've never even heard of that phrase 'covering your plate' it took me a while to work out what you meant. X
Mrs Gill
24th August 2013
CommentAuthorThe-Future-Mrs-B
I'm with everyone else - how rude - I'm actually speechless and that doesn't happen much.
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
rude bride! the guest can give what they think would be suitable and even the bride and groom don't like it they should still say thank you!
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
I agree rude bride. You choose to invite your guest to your day, regardless of what the price is as you know this already and in reurn, you accept whatever your guest gives you as a gift, it at all.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary <3
CommentAuthorclive
I wold have wound her up even more by saying "if you don't want it, we'll have it!" One lessmouth to feed!
Rude beyond belief!
CommentAuthorJoannaS
that has to be the rudest bride I ever heard of makes no difference where you are from!!
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
The bride!!!!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Definitely the rudest bride story ever! I think u should tell her if she can't enjoy the gift then return it to you and you'll enjoy it! I think she needs taking down a peg or two on gift etiquette! NOBODY should expect an envelope!
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorGems
wow i just read the full story! Unbelievable! So amazingly rude!
Marrying my soul mate and best friend 5th July 2014
CommentAuthorVintageChic
oh my god what an evil bride!
Personally, I NEVER give cash and very rarely give gift vouchers for birthdays/xmas/weddings etc as I think money is impersonal. It's a running joke in my family as they tell me "fine we wont give you cash then since you don't give us cash". But honestly I prefer it that way.
The way I explained it to my family is, I have spent time and effort researching and tracking down gifts I know they'll love (not had any complaints yet either lol) as opposed to nipping to the cash machine first thing in the morning on their birthday. So I think what the couple have done with the basket is absolutely lovely.
You're invited to a wedding to help celebrate the couple's happiness, not to help them claw back a bit of the cost of the wedding!
"Who, being loved, is poor?" -Oscar Wilde
- Moderator
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
Speechless ! I actually can't believe someone would send a note like that to anyone! Even if she was rude enough to privately feel like that - to send that to you is the highest level of bad manners. I'd be inclined to reply " I am now sorry that I bothered to gift you anything at all! "
CommentAuthorValentinaK
Rude, ungrateful and materialistic. If she can afford the guest, she can probably do without $100s of presents.
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorKatya
My friend got married to her wife a few year back..... we are talking just over 3 years ago..... We couldnt afford a gift at all, our son was only 5 months old, we spent over £40 fuel to attend, we spent the night before in their home with the female groom, then rushed around for her as her laptop broke and she hadnt burnt the wedding cd yet, needed to collect her best man, ran her a bath, cut her hair, went shopping for breakfast for her and their boys as she hadnt had time and forgot there was nothing in the house to eat.
The gift we gave was: a poem mounted on coloured card to match the wedding colours (which I already had), then framed in a a4 £1 wilko clip frame, attached to the poem was a piece of ribbon (which I had laying around), I was given enough metal letters that slide over the ribbon to spell "Steph and Claire" free by my mum. This was then wrapped in bubble wrap I already had then covered in a 59p sheet of wedding wrapping paper. I spent £1.59 on their gift! This gift has been mounted on their wall in the same place surrounded by wedding photos and is the centre piece of their "wedding wall" in their living room! They were more grateful i had taken the time to make their gift, and us rushing round for the groom on the day than they were for the money they were given, which with 3 young children, one bread winner, that money disappeared quite quickly, yet my £1.59 gift has been displayed and gives great joy to them. I have been there on a number of occasions when someone has been invited into their home for the first time and they stand there reading that poem and comment saying how nice/precious etc that it is and asking where they got it. I feel they really appreciated it and it cost me next to nothing!
If the couple in the artical were that concerned about money, then they should have become greek orthadox! They would then be able to have the "money giving dance"!!!! Or better yet... NOT GOT MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorValentinaK
That said... it was a bit of a thoughtless gift from the guest so maybe that's why the bride was peed off!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthornatalie2614
The bride is definitly in the wrong here! Oh my god! I read the full article and she made my blood boil!
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorVintageChic
That depends valentina. The guest was a "casual acquaintance" so maybe didn't now the married couple as well as would be required to put a LOT of thought into a gift? The oils and fancy salsas suggest that maybe the guest had an idea they're keen on cooking and thought a suitable gift basket would be appropriate? Though where the marchmallow fluff comes in I have no idea LOL
"Who, being loved, is poor?" -Oscar Wilde
- Moderator
CommentAuthorbrilly
I think the Bride was completely out of order.A wedding day is about LOVE, commiting to one another and sharing that with friends and family, not for “Weddings are to make money for your future" as the bride has put it which to me makes it sound more of a money spinner then a wedding. Any gift no matter what it is should be received gracefully, its the thought that counts right?? If you want to get married and host a party then pay for it yourself you dont expect guests to cover it for you thats just outrageous, If she couldnt afford the $200 and was expecting the money back from guests in the form of gifts she shouldnt of chose that venue the first place. The basket that was received had alot more then the picture is showing and to me that would be a fab gift I loveeeee marshmellow fluff :) if you havnt tried it ladies its yum :) x
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Just read the full article and I'd've marched straight round there and bopped her one! Cheeky cow!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorVintageChic
Bopped her AND taken back the basket LOL
"Who, being loved, is poor?" -Oscar Wilde
- Moderator
CommentAuthorRennie1989
Unless the wedding invite specified that a monitory donation was wanted the bride was being rude. I've never been to a wedding where the couple expected guests to contribute to their food and drink but I have heard of them, usually if the couple are a bit tight on money. I've asked my guests to give us money rather than gifts but no way do I expect them to, nor do I expect it to cover the cost of their meal, drinks and venue.
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Even if I was giving cash I wouldn't be giving £200! Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
That bride is awful. Forget about blaming cultural differences; you should make sure that you know the practice in the country that you're marrying in. I would only give money if specifically requested, otherwise I would choose a gift. If you don't want to pay for someone to attend the wedding, then don't invite them. I agree, I would have said fine give back the basket, and I'll give it to a poor family that really needs it. As for saying that weddings are for making money, what a load of rubbish.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
The bride was rude. Although etiquette in the States dictates that as a guest, you aim to cover your plate, and so the guest didn't technically follow correct etiquette (also, I don't know why someone would give someone they don't know well salsas etc; personally, I'd give cash), not everyone can afford an expensive gift, and for the bride to say what she did is absolutely horrendous; so, so rude.
If she couldn't afford an expensive wedding, and was relying on guests to cover part of the cost (which is how her response reads), she should have had a smaller, cheaper wedding. Further, it's a bit rich to say the least for her to lecture someone else on manners/etiquette, given she clearly knows nothing about either...
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
That bride is disgracefull, personally im requesting that my guests contribute to their meal instead of gifts but am requesting it not demanding it and am suggesting arround £20 peradult and £10 per child (5-12) and would no way have a go at anyone who did not! The only reason im doing this is coz i want all the people i love to be there but am on a very strick budget!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorMrsWade2B
Wow! I am utterly speechless. Id love a hamper basket with things in...It doesnt show in the picture of the article but there were also oils and salsas etc in there.....the flump stuff was just for 'fun'. Even if you didnt like a gift - you thank the guest and either exchange it, sell it or live with it!!!!!!!!!!!
So so so rude. If a bride ever did that to me id go round take the basket back and let her stew in her own ungratefulness. She certainly wouldnt be invited to my wedding!
CommentAuthorhigginszajac
Very bad bride but also very bad friend too, I don't mind if our guests don't bring gifts as long as they are there, and no way would I send a note to one of my friends saying that x
CommentAuthorsarah
edited
I found this article on another board and there were a lot of people agreeing with the bride :( I hate that some people think that guests should cover the cost of their meals, so very rude! I don't know what's ruder; the expectation or telling people how much you're spending. All under the guise of etiquette. Covering your plate has never been proper etiquette, it was made up by greedy brides and grooms!!!
Generally I give cash gifts. However, if I hear from the bride that she's expecting a specific amount of ££££ because she spent £X.xx per person, I will immediately buy the bride a very nice but generally awkward gift. I had a close relation that kept banging on about how much money she expected, so she got a nice set of dishes from me. I want to say it ended up being 6 different boxes. During the wedding she received a lot of very thick envelopes & she thought she was rolling in it. But they were full of Mexican pesos (honeymoon destination). I could have died when I saw her reaction. She did get what she wanted though, tons of cash!!!
CommentAuthorbarbie86
sarah: if it was an American forum, their reactions would be different, as in several states there it is considered proper to 'cover your plate'. You also have to remember that those who think you should 'cover your plate' as a guest are also likely to think that things like a fully open bar should be offered; so, the expectations kind of work both ways.
That doesn't excuse the bride's behaviour of course, she was incredibly rude. But, cultures differ; I find some of the expectations of American weddings excessive (like providing a fully open bar all day and night; though TBH at the prices they pay I'd be saving money lol), but if that's the correct etiquette there, then it's not my place to comment or judge. Likewise, they would find some things common here rude, but it bugs me when they pass judgement.
CommentAuthorsarah
edited
Barbie you're right it is a big expectation of some b2b and grooms that their guests will cover their plates, especially in America. It's not correct etiquette though, it's just an expectation that has invaded some social circles in the US & Canada. You aren't even supposed to put requests for money/gifts in invites over there, so I fail to see how anyone could defend expecting guests to cover their plates. I've also met quite a few brides in England with the same expectation (not the lovely brides on here though). I find the whole practice distasteful. Plus you never know when someone may give less because you've only asked them to cover the £35 or whatever. But putting the cultural practice debate aside, I can't imagine it's ever ok to tell someone off because they didn't give you the gift you wanted. That's something I'd expect off a five year old not a married lady.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
I did say she was extremely rude, and that her behaviour was unacceptable, and that it's rich for her to lecture someone on manners/etiquette.
Etiquette might be the wrong word, but like it or not, in some cultures, areas, and social circles, that is the expectation.
Obviously what the bride did was awful, I've said that; but I don't agree with you that the whole 'cover your plate' thing is crazy as clearly, it is the norm for some people, and people not covering their plate might be seen to be being stingy.
CommentAuthorsarah
edited
true, true. I find the whole thing very strange. I lived in America for years and attended many weddings. I didn't realize that cover your plate was a thing over there until I started researching weddings.
CommentAuthorCatrinG2B
Definitely the Bride... I would love the present you gave, and also I would never (even if I didn't like the gift) tell anybody that. Its just RUDE, you should be grateful for the thought. I don't expect my guests to cover anything! I invited them so I should pay... I invite the people I want to share it with and I expect nothing back in return. If this is/was the way in any culture I reckon it would discourage people to share in your day, especially if they had lots of friends. In any case whatever the culture there are Manners that everyone should follow. Bridezilla after the wedding? lol
CommentAuthorclive
So...in the grand scheme of things, what she is actually saying is " OK, we're spending $200 on food- cover the costs" - in other words, we're dictating to you as to how much you spend on us
OK then!......
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
How do guests know how much it costs for the meal?!
So, if a friend had the money to fork out for a lavish do I'd be expected to spend more money on a gift than on a friend who is not well off and having a less expensive wedding?!
Barmy...xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorKirsty
Wow this is really rude. I cant help but feel that people have forgotten why they are gettng married. Conventions and traditions are great, but they should be used to drag money out of people!! I would have loved that gift, and we are not expecting any gifts at all! We have said if you would like to give us anything, spend the money staying at the venue with us as join us for breakfast too.
CommentAuthorMrs Richardson 2B x
Rude bride, with no manners or etiquette!! Somebody just needs to FYI her that that is not the way you thank you guests for one, there attendance and two the gift no matter what it is......TOTAL BITCH!!!xx
Found my soulmate & bestfriend 23/08/2011
Got engaged 23/08/2012
And I become Mrs Richardson 11/10/2017
CRAZY EXCITED!!!!!xx
CommentAuthorAna40
I think this is really rude. I'd hate to think I'd know anyone like this. X
CommentAuthorAmyK
I think that a basket of gourmet food is a very original and thoughtful gift - something bride & groom can enjoy together at their leisure, whereas gift vouchers can be a bit impersonal (but if vouchers are what they really want, then that's what they want but should still be grateful for other gifts). The bride is SO rude its unreal! Sounds like she only wanted to invite lots of people to make herself feel/look important/popular/loved by many, but wrongly expecting you to fork out for the privilege of being there! If she couldn't afford to have you there she should never have invited you. She's a cheeky cow!!
CommentAuthorHelainaH
I only recently heard about this "covering your plate" nonsense a few months ago at a friends wedding. Me and my OH were filling in the card and putting in cash when one of our other friends said we hadn't put in enough to cover our meal. Neither of us had never heard of this before, and would never expect our guests to put in enough cash to cover themselves.
If they couldn't afford such a lavish wedding, then they shouldn't have had it. To ask guests to cover their meals costs, after they've made the effort to attend, is just rude. Then to confront you about it is disgusting.
Plus, I want to know what food you had for it to be $100 a plate!
CommentAuthorVelcro
how very rude!!! as a guest you don't even get much, if any choice on the food served or the cost! id of given her a right earful for being ungrateful. wheres the etiquette in that?!
if you cant afford to feed your guests. downsize.
the stupid cow.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorVelcro
mind you, ive just noticed its American, I know they differ in expectations, however her reaction is still extremely rude regardless. good luck to her husband
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
I am paying £60.00 a head for my wedding and I knowmost of the couples coming to my wedding could not afford to spend £120.00 on a gift for us. I think it is shocking how this bride has acted. As for the people saying a gift basket of nibbles is thoughtless...maybe they should join the bride in the rude camp. For some people giving money as a gift is rude as it shows you have put no thought or effort in to it and if she is only an aquintance of the bride then she might not want to spend a lot of money on a gift that the bride and groom did not like/want.
The gift was, as far as i see, a safe bet that they could spend nights in after their wedding enjoying. I think if you want to come to my wedding with a gift basket full of nibbles I don't mind xxx
She did get what she wanted though, tons of cash!!! 
