I just wanted to get your opinions about this situation I'm being put in... Just to make things easier, when I met my h2b he had a 6 year old and had come out of a 10 year relationship one year before we met. Anyway we have being together 4years now and are getting married July next year! my h2b has asked me to wear wedding rings that had been melted down into rings from his grandfathers bracelet (when he died), obviously I was delighted and said yes as it means a lot to him. But then I'd overheard him arguing on the phone to his ex about these rings and he was saying "no it's not yours he gave them to me for when I get married" I'd confronted him about these rings and he said that she thought she could keep hers as they were given to them as a couple. He totally Denys this. Anyway he had got the rings from her but then my mum told me she had been talking to my h2b's mum and she is not happy about me wearing this ring what so ever, and she said that it's his ex's ring not mine! I can't confront my h2b because she told my mum in confidence and she said to my mum "he knows how I feel about it anyway, and I'm not happy" I don't know what to do, I want to wear it because it is something very special to my partner, but I don't want to look like an absolute bell end at the alter lol while his mum watches us get married with the rings. Help :-(
CommentAuthorButtonAndBoo
Ask yourself a couple of questions: Is it more important to make your OH happy or your FMIL? Do you look at the ring as his ex wife's ring or your wedding ring?
X
CommentAuthorbrilly
If the rings were melted down for your partner as a request from his grandfather then to be honest hes fulfilling his grandfathers wish, I could understand the upset if he had been married previously and the rings used then but if this isnt the case then i dont see the problem regardless of what his ex or mother thinks its something that means alot to your partner x
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorLauraG854
No I don't look at the ring and think of his ex because they didn't actually get married with them, but it was sized to her ring finger. I have priced up getting it remodelled so it fits round my engagement ring, get them engraved with our name and our wedding date and put a couple of diamonds in, that way I have put my own stamp on them but with his grandads gold. X
Keep them as your wedding rings and I like the idea of adding diamonds e.t.c
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
I personally don't like the idea... And tbh I think it's mean to take the ring away from the ex esp when it's been sized to her finger! I'm sorry but I find that very rude and offensive... I would not want to wear a ring that was given to someone else...
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I have to say I agree with missweedles! I wouldn't want to wear something that had originally been given to my h2b's ex, let alone wear it as my wedding ring! But at the end of the day it is your choice whether you choose to use it or not xx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorMRST2B
I think his grandfather expected them to get wed thats why he had the rings made but they didn't and I think his grandfather would prefere for the woman he chose to marry have it than it sit in a drawer with a woman that he chose not to be with. By the sounds of it it won't even be recognisable as the one that was originally given to her for use when they married which they obviously didn't !!! If it was any other piece of jewellery like earrings or something I would say let her keep them but a wedding ring what on earth does she want a wedding ring for from a man she was never married too especially when she knows the very sentimental attachment he has to it. I personally don't get it. So I would do what makes your h2b happy :) x At the end of the day it's good to get opinions on here and everyone is entitled to they're own but it's you that had to make the final decision so please try do what is right for you rather than what you think you should do :) x Good luck
Back with my 1st love after 12 years apart.
Not letting go this time :) x
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
Im sorry but i kindof agree with Missweedles - personally wouldnt like the idea as i would feel like it was someone elses before mine and i wouldn't like to think i was second best. However, it actually comes down to how you feel about each other etc so although i wouldnt like it i would probably agree to it if it made h2b happy. Bit of compromise.
xx
CommentAuthorLauraG854
Yeah it's really hard because I do think it was made for her and I'm going to look like the bad person if I wear it, but if I do wear it, it will have my own stamp on it with the engraving, diamonds and remodelling. And I know that this is what my h2b really wants! I really appreciate your opinions girls, of course it is my choice at the end of the day. Xx
CommentAuthorclairenina
I wouldn't want to wear them, as they are linked to the past. Maybe the molten gold can be used for something else, and you both buy new rings. I wouldn't like something that was linked to someone else xx
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
Thats how i feel clairenina, i think it would remind me of her. xx
CommentAuthorBeckyU98
it depends if it really bothers you and whether this previous relationship bothers you too. if you arent really that bothered then just go for it - it doesnt matter what other people think. i think its nice that your willing to do this as it means a lot to your H2B. if its really a problem for you then heres just an idea but couldnt you get his ring melted down again and add some gold to it to make 2 rings? so you both have some of the gold in your rings but its not his ex's ring? but i think putting your own stamp on the rings is a great idea and will really make it your own x
CommentAuthorMRST2B
Back with my 1st love after 12 years apart.
Not letting go this time :) x
CommentAuthorBecky1608
I personally wouldn't want to wear it as it is but agree with BeckyU that it would be nice to melt them down and make new rings xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorclairenina
Just another idea, can the molten gold be used as a gift for his child at some point?
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
edited
I think that is more appropriate- for the child he already has and do the same for any children you have, to keep it for entirely your own I think wouldn't be fair to the child he already has as let's be honest was a great grandchild too!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorAmyH608
I agree with some of the ladies - i just wouldnt be able to wear it, even if i did alter it. There was a lot of negative feeling with my H2B's ex so it would always remind me of her!
I think what BeckyU said about melting his ring down and using a little bit of the gold from that one ring to make 2 new rings would be lovely, and maybe get the other ring back off the ex and melt that down to use for your children?
Hope it all works out :) xx
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Tbh I'd do what your h2b wants - it's obviously very important to him.
I'm sure he'd understand if you wanted to melt both rings down to make new ones. My mum had her engagement and wedding rings (which had unfortunately broken) melted down and made into an eternity ring - she had it mixed with white gold to give a cool effect and had diamonds added. The two metal colours are nice as the old melted down gold symbolises the past and the new colour the future :)
CommentAuthorMRST2B
Back with my 1st love after 12 years apart.
Not letting go this time :) x
CommentAuthorLauraM9144
interesting one really it comes down to how you feel about the ring and as you refer to them as his ex's ring i wonder if you could ever look at it and think about just you and your husband or wether when looking at it on your hand will always make you think of his ex? i know its a hard one because of your other halfs feelings but he must also consider yours. personally i would not wear an ex's ring but if he had them made into something for his children i would be more than happy. i personally would want to choose a ring that everytime i looked at it would make me think of just my husband and our day and not of any thing from the past. but as others have said this is just my opinion and ultimately you need to make a decision based on your feelings :)
One BIG day will lead to lots of little happy days !!
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
Urgh !!! I'd be furious if my h2b even suggested I wear a ring given and sized to his ex !!! Mine even got rid of all the jewellery she ever bought him because I just looked at it round his neck/on his hands and thought of her constantly.. I replaced it all so it was things I had bought him.. The fact your h2bs ex has had it all this time takes any specialness out of it in my opinion.. That said if it doesn't bother you at all then he has every right to ask for it back as it was his grandads metal.. His mum sounds like she's still too fond of his ex if she believes his ex should keep the ring xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthorsarah
I wouldn't like to be in this situation. If it's really important to your h2b I'd get the rings remade in a design you love.
CommentAuthorLauraG854
Just thought I'd update you all on this scenario, I have decided to wear this ring - I had them both altered and engraved, mine also has 3 beautiful diamonds in them and has been remodelled, and I couldn't be happier. It looks like a completely different ring but with his grandfathers gold, I don't look at it and think of his past anymore, I look at it like it was made for me :-). Also the mother in law to be has seen it and didn't even realise it was the same rings, she has finally come round to the idea of it now too! So all good stuff, not long now :-D xxx
CommentAuthorAmyH608
Really pleased you got it all sorted :) xx
CommentAuthorMrsH
It's nice that you have been able to put your own stamp on it! x
CommentAuthorGemmaR81
Glad you have it sorted. In a kind of different situation, not a ring but a tattoo. My h2b had his ex wifes name tattooed on the base of his back it is MASSIVE. I hate it, he has said that he would get it removed or covered up but would cost nearly £600 xxx
CommentAuthorShowgirl
So glad the ring is sorted and everyone is finally happy about it. GemmaR81 - £600 is a ridiculous amount, it would actually be cheaper for you to change your name by deed poll so that the name is still correct. I'm surprised he didn't think to remove/cover it after the divorce, in fact I would have insisted on it. If you can afford it I would hand the money over to him as an early wedding present and tell him to get it sorted by the wedding day ready for your fresh start together.
CommentAuthorGemmaR81
Its because it is block capitals, lol there is no way I am changing my name. He says when I hug him I manage to avoid where the tattoo is. This is why I have told him he is not getting my name tattooed on him anywhere. xx
CommentAuthorLauraG854
Wow 600 pound is very expensive, my h2b had his ex's name on him too right down his arm which is now been covered with a big cross (rip lol) and also had both their names on his shoulder in two hearts which has also had their names removed but the heart design is still there which I hate! I'm thinking of designing him a sleeve as a wedding present. Xx
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
they should definatly be yours if they never even got married. If you want it and your OH wants you to have it , have it . End of.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorTheFutureMrsK
Glad you got this sorted :) Sounds like it means a lot to your H2B. I think its strange that his ex still wanted to wear it after their break up especially as it was fitted to her ring finger but I do understand it might have had sentimental value to her. At the end of the day it belonged to your H2B to do what he wanted with though. I think its lovely that you've put your own stamp on it too xxx
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
-Ambrose Bierce
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
At least it's decided and they do look different x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
