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  1.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 8th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hey all my h2b and i have been engaged for 12 years, we have started to plan our wedding several times over the years but he has anxiety and we had to keep putting it off. We finally got to a place where he is comfortable (he says) with standing in front of people and having attention just for our wedding day. Great! i thought, As time wore on i started to get excited as he was making suggestions and telling me what he wants and dont want for the wedding, he helped chose venues and i finally thought we had cracked it. But then the other day when he was around his friends he said 'oh she's forcing me to get married' (honestly i'm not and who else would willingly cancel their weddings several times for him if i was forcing him? if i was forcing him we would of been married years ago lol) yet then he came home and looks at first dance songs! I love him to pieces but it's doing my head in, then last night he had a major freak out as i was on the phone getting quotes for the wedding, he started saying its all going too quick, we are not getting married for another year though. After that he went downstairs and started doing guest list things. i seriously feel like he is giving me emotional whiplash.

    Has anyone else had or going through something similar? I know of his anxiety issues and try my hardest to help him but I just don't know what to do.

    I've been so excited about everything but now I'm worried I will have to cancel again, I know that sounds quite selfish of me but i don't mean it in a selfish way i mean it in a mental health way. what if i never let myself get excited and then the wedding day comes and he is fine or if i allow myself to get excited and we have to cancel yet again?

    To be honest I don't like the idea of standing up and talking in front of people, i've never been good at it but for my wedding its worth the scary feelings i will get from publicly speaking ( i would make a crap celeb haha) it doesnt help him that his mum kept trying to convince us not to get married saying if we got married we would end up getting marital issues, as she had them and now her daughter has too. None of them are looking at our relationship but their own and it annoys the hell out of me, any suggestions on how i can help him?

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  2.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 8th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    When you were with friends was he maybe making a joke saying you were forcing him?

    By the sounds of it he is committed to marrying you if he is looking at things to do with the wedding, and when he freaks out that is his anxiety coming through but he knows he wants it which is why he is getting involved?

    Would it be worth seeing a counsellor, or speaking with MIND (or similar charity) to see if they can suggest ways of helping?
  3.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 8th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you for your reply, I have tried that before he is a typical man who reckons talking about it won't help, it's nice to have a new perspective of it I can be a bit sensitive it seems

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  4.  
    • SusanM34
      CommentAuthorSusanM34
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 8th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Would he be more comfortable having a small intimate wedding, maybe just the 2 of you and your children? x

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Maunders on 22nd October 2016!


  5.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I did ask him this but he wants all the family there so I'm not sure what to do, he is a right people pleaser if you met him tomorrow and asked to come to our wedding he would say yes then ask your name lol

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  6.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    from the sounds of things the part around your friends was a bit of boyish banter (that's what i read it as anyway) i agree with above i think when he thinks about it all at once his anxiety forces it's way through, maybe that's why he heads off to put his whole mind to one task like the guest list or first dance. It does sound like he wants to marry you but is confused by his own emotions at times. Just keep on going on but maybe give him one task to do at a time and you do the quote gathering and what not behind the scenes x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  7.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thank you nicole, that makes sense to me about his anxiety coming out when he thinks of all of it together, if i see him starting to get anxious i will ask if he wants me to do what he has started. So far i've not really asked him to do anything but speak to his mum haha so in a way the silly man is doing it to himself. It's lovely that he wants to help but i will start to rein him in a bit if i see him trying to sort out lots of things at once

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  8.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    you're welcome :) wedding planning is stressful for just about everyone even without the added anxiety so i do feel for you both, gah i wish my H2B would get up and do something without me even having to ask him :') the only thing he has done so far has requested a lego theme!

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  9.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh dear haha my oh did ask for Star Wars but I quickly dismissed that one! Otherwise my wedding day will consist of light sabre battles

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  10.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ahaha if you did you could have had a lightsaber arch like they do with swords at some weddings :')

    lightsaber arch.jpg
    lightsaber arch.jpg


    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  11.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    oh nicole thats what he said i pointed out though that some people especially our children would get carried away and attack everyone with them and it would all end in tears. he said 'yeah suppose so' while pouting lol he hasn't mentioned it since

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  12.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    aaah he may have something planned! i know my OH wouldn't have dropped it so quickly :')

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  13.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    nooooooooo don't say that.... he actually is the type of man who probably has it planned in secret, i was just so relieved he agreed with me i didn't think of that ahh man im going to ask him if he has planned something

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  14.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ahahaha well if he is anything like mine he won't be able keep a straight face if asked direct! ahaha

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  15.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    mine gets a little twinkle in his eye that gives him away so I will be staring hard to try to see haha

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

 
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