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  1.  
    • MartineM18
      CommentAuthorMartineM18
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
     
    Advice please in 3 parts.

    We are very restricted on numbers (venue size) and have only put in plus ones for guests who are in serious relationships. Anyone who we know is single has received an invite for them alone. We have had to exclude people we would have liked to go because of the venue number restriction and don't want a stranger going when someone we would have liked to go is excluded.

    Part 1 - How would other members handle the situation where someone tries to invite a plus one (where they aren't even dating and also know many other people going so don't need a friend there)?

    Part 2 One guest who has had this explained to him in the strongest terms has made it very clear he intends to bring someone. I am determined that any uninvited guests will be turned away on the day along with whoever tried to bring them. Anyone advice on this? Would the venue do this? To un-invite this guest at this stage would cause a great deal of trouble - it is a work colleague and obviously the rest of the team are going (I also know he would play the race card if I did this and somehow get it into a work situation - he has a history of doing that when he doesn't get his own way).

    Part 3 - We also had someone invite themselves along - we caved on that one as it put us in an awkward situation - it also meant someone else was excluded in their place

    All advice welcome.
  2.  
    • DanielleMystic
      CommentAuthorDanielleMystic
      Getting married in 9 years
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
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    1 - I would be firm with them; they're not allowed to invite a plus one if it isn't on their invitation. Your numbers are tight and its your wedding so your rules basically.

    2 - Maybe speak to your other work collegues about how difficult and selfish he is being. The venue might not get involved in it but you might be able to hire 'door security' (bouncers) if you feel very strongly about it. And at the end of the day he needs to grow up and realise it isn't about him.

    3 - I do find it very selfish and rude when people just invite themselves along. Surely people know how expensive weddings are and if they're not invited there's a good reason for it!

    Hope it's sorted for you hun x

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  3.  
    • MartineM18
      CommentAuthorMartineM18
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
     
    Thanks for the reply - in terms of security - guess what we do for a living? Yup we are a security team.

    Thing is all three things were brought about by different people. In terms of the first I think they just didn't realise - I will be firm and have put a comment about the RSVP area on the website to basically say what rules are. The second is a cultural thing I think... hoping the rest of the team will have a word with him but he tends to do his own thing regardless of what anyone says and regardless of consequences. The third person I think was just feeling a bit left out (an ex member of the team).

    Thanks Danielle as I was just wondering if I was out of line in the way I was thinking and you have reassured me xx
  4.  
    • DanielleMystic
      CommentAuthorDanielleMystic
      Getting married in 9 years
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
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    ooo so you prob have a work friend that could help you out with it :)

    I suggested talking to your work collegues about it before talking to him, not because he might listen to them but so that he can't then play the race card or say youre being unreasonable x

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  5.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
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    Part 1 - Same as above, be firm, explain there is only limited numbers allowed due to venue, not by your choice

    Part 2 - Security is good, I see you said your work in securty thats handy, I personally have 2 black belt judo (also was a door man at one point) and karate master's at my wedding one of which is a usher, so if anyone uninvited/unwanted turned up . If he does bring someone he will only make himself look a fool.

    Part 3 - Could you have not just invited them for the evening?

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  6.  
    • LauraK7
      CommentAuthorLauraK7
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 26th 2014
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    Omg seriously what's wring with people makes me sooooo mad I would tell him that the invite is only for him and if he brings anyone along they will be turned away and refused entry x
  7.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    Can you talk to a group of your colleagues together and tell them all again that there are no plus ones. That would make it far harder for him to play the race card, as you've made it clear that the same rule goes for everyone.

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  8.  
    • Katya
      CommentAuthorKatya
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    Have your invites gone out? Why dont you send out "tickets" for your wedding. Make sure they state on them that it is one ticket per person, entry is via ticket only. And have hired help stand on the door to collect tickets & turn those away without tickets, you could have names on the tickets too with a list of people invited & that have tickets so when they arrive they can be checked off the list.

    I know its maybe not your kind of theme, but it may work. I agree that you should be firm with them. Why did you choose a venue so small if you are struggling with your guest list?

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  9.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    You're not the only one who has had this.
    I've had friends try to being random people to my wedding - I said I'd have to wait and see if a member of the family dropped out or another friend did before I could offer them this. In reality, someone did drop out but I bumped another friend up from evening to ceremony instead - you don't want a wedding with strangers!

    Something else to co sider is that a registrar will NOT proceed with the ceremony if there are too many people in the room. My bff's mum used to work in a registrars office and said that it HAS happened where some guests had been asked to leave the room for a wedding to take place. Even babies in arms count as bums on seats. Embarrassing or what?! Is that a little story you could casually 'bring up' in the office?

    Or perhaps mention how you're so stressed that Uncle X is a bit upset that there isn't any extra space for his new partner, even though you've met her & she's lovely, you simply don't have space for any more people who aren't specifically named on the invite!!!!!




  10.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    Oh, also on our invites we included little cards for people to return as their RSVPs - we wrote each invited persons name on there - no space for blanks. Even unborn children at that time were called 'baby' so it was clear exactly who was invited




  11.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    1) Call them and explain that only those named on the invitation are invited. Do not offer any excuses, as people just love to find a 'solution'. Just be firm and to the point, and say that you hope they will attend solo given they know many people there, but that you understand if they don't want to.

    2) Tell him again that the invitation is limited to those who are named on it. Say that your ushers/someone from the venue will be on the door with a list of names and that they will turn away anyone who is not on the list (this doesn't necessarily have to be true, just convincing) and that you would hate for him to be embarrassed in that way. I would also notify the venue and see if they can deal with it if he does show up with a plus one.

    3) I wouldn't have tolerated this. I've had people try to invite themselves and have either pretended I thought they were joking ('HAHAHA!'), which gets the point across and also embarrasses them, or I've been straight: 'We are only inviting very close friends and family'. No way would I allow myself to be bullied into inviting someone :-s
  12.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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      edited
     
    surely if the work guy brought a plus one, he would feel really stupid when it got to seating for the meal and the other person wasn't on the seating plan?

    if it were me, I'd just leave him to it. its him that will look a fool on the day. Its a tad embarrassing for the uninvited guest - but not only is that not your problem, you won't notice on the day anyway. I dare him to kick up a fuss on your wedding day! he'll just feel and look like an idiot.

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  13.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    1. Explain the restrictions on numbers and why. If they don't understand then they deserve to be uninvited. I had a similar situation and it really upset me. People have no idea how much weddings cost and also not wanting to spend £150 on someone the bride and groom don't know to attend their wedding! Makes my blood boil.

    2. I agree with Velcro.

    3. Can you tell them to just come to the evening so you don't have to feed them?

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  14.  
    • MiriamF1
      CommentAuthorMiriamF1
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
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    We've had to do the same, I've told people who have asked that their other halves are welcome to come to the evening do but we don't have the space/budget for them all to come to the sit down meal. Everyone has been very understanding about it.

    Totally agree with Velcro on your work colleague...tell him the plus 1 can come in the evening (if that's what your situation allows) and if he still brings them to the day then let them be the one who is embarrassed
  15.  
    • MartineM68
      CommentAuthorMartineM68
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
     
    Hi folks.

    Our wedding ceremony itself is very intimate (40 guests). The venue for the evening is 200 and when I say that we have a large family and are within one or to of the 200 limit you can understand our dilemma. Numbers are strict because of venue but also because we don't see why anyone should come along that we don't know (unless they are a partner of someone we do). Granted there is a money side when you consider the buffet but its the principle that annoys me most. I don't see why we should compromise on our day.

    In terms of the guy who invited himself - yes we did just add him and his wife to the evening reception... but since we are so close to the 200 limit I am hoping that nobody else tries to do a similar thing. In terms of those who decide to bring an extra person along I am hoping to catch them at the RSVP stage and emphasize it to them. For anybody who does turn up on the day with the extra person along I am planning to turn the extra person and them away. Refusal often offends they say but so does turning up with someone else in tow when you know you shouldn't.

    I think when it comes to the work colleague, I will take the advice to talk to them as a team and stress it is those on invite only and let them know if they do turn up with anyone they will be turned away - irrespective of how many people actually turn up on the day (and maybe stress that I would be take it as a personal offense that they would try - or even threaten to try).

    Tickets would have been a great idea but the invites are already out... but maybe names at the door is not such a bad idea (especially if its done as part of something else - like our paying for everyone's first drink or something).

    Many thanks though for the advice that you have all given me - it is very much appreciated and reassuring that I am not bridezilla cos I want to stick to my guns about keeping to the decision that my h2b and I have made.


    Martine
  16.  
    • MartineM68
      CommentAuthorMartineM68
      Posted: Apr 27th 2014
     
    and I seem to have a second account on the site by accident ... I am the original poster.
 
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