We are having some issues with the guest list he is planning a massive thing with 4 best men and all.. I just want close family and friend there.. He cancled a venue viewing as said it would be to small for his family I'm trying to talk him in to having a group of 100 at the most he is wanting over 200 on his side alone wondered if anyone has any tips to change his mind as every thing iv said fly's over his head..
Hi Ask him if he has the cash to pay for a big bash if he hasn't he can't do it :)
He'd find a way I really don't want anything to big I'm a more personal private kind of person.. I think hez more like a bride to be than me lol xx
I managed to convince my other half by showing him how expensive it is per head. Would it work if you had a smaller wedding breakfast and then invite more people to the evening do? Good luck x
I'll try ask him about it thank never crossed my mind to do a breakfast.. I search up on some prices for 200 people he said was fine but all his family of course forgot I get to invite people two lol xx
Lol sounds like you may have a bit of a groomzilla on your hands (I used to be a wedding coordinator and you would be surprised at how many of these I have come across!) I like the idea of having smaller wedding breakfast and then a large party in the evening, this should make you both happy :) Who are these 200 hundred people he wants to invite? Are they actually close family and friends? or is he wanting to invite everyone he knew from primary school that he hasn't seem since then?! If this is the case he needs to rein it in! If he does actually have a large family then this might not be something you can prevent. Imagine if it was the other way around and he was saying that he doesn't want you to invite some of your family members, I am sure you would find this upsetting. I had it the other way around, my H2B really wanted a smaller intimate wedding, but my family alone comes to 62 guests (I know not anywhere near as big as what you are dealing with!) but he understood that it was important to me to have all my family there, he accepted this, in a compromise I have agreed to do a joint speech with him rather than him doing it on his own as public speaking gives him great anxiety and he feels a lot better about the larger numbers since we are going to do it together. In a marriage you need to compromise and this goes both ways. If he is wanting to invite people that he hasn't seen in years I am definitely with you in needing to convince him to reduce those numbers but he should be listening to your concerns anyway. If they are genuine family and close friends he is wanting to invite you may have accept this. Remember this is his wedding too. Good Luck :)
I can't forget its his wedding he won't let me.. His family is massive an no one he knows from school as he was brought up in botswana.. He want to get married her then do it again there so I guess the come then.. I'm trying to talk him in to having some of his family at that one as my family won't go abroad.. But he wants 2 big one's said he just wants to show me off to every one witch is real nice.. But I'm not so good with crowds of people I don't know xx
Give him the cost of how much it would be and he'll have a shock lol x
I think you need to sit together and reach a middle ground. Its great he wants to show you off and make a massive wedding but he needs to consider you too. Sit down with him and show him the average costs of things and then apply it to you wedding. For example the average price per head is 50 pound that would mean 10,000 pounds just feeding people alone. Me and my other half were at loggerheads and realised we have different dream weddings do we sat down and worked on a middle ground.
Its all good and well remembering it is his wedding too (which you must do) but is he remembering that it is also yours as well?
Is he going to pay for all those people? I wanted a big wedding but quickly found 200 was unaffordable. In the end we had around 110 and that was plenty.
If you feel you can't talk to him try writing him a letter, quite often we take more notice of the written word than the words we hear, letters tend to get read more than once and rather than spout words we don't mean fuelled by emotion,writing it means you formulate your thoughts in a more coherent way .
As my daughter in law said.
only invite those who.you would really want to take out for a meal why pay for peoplev you wouldnt.and have a good time with. Why invite family who.you rarely ever see or speak to just because they are family.
Invite only those you are i touch with regularly and like and get on with.
Don't be pressurised by parents to.have their friends
invited if you font know them.
invite close family and friends to day reception and others for later do
My hubby was the same (although a smaller scale!), I only wanted 10-20 of my friends and family there and he wanted around 60 of his, a lot of the people he wanted I hadn't even met! It worked out okay because we chose a smaller venue and he ended up with 40 guests and I had about 20. You definitely have to meet at a middle ground. He compromised by putting his numbers down and I compromised by agreeing to significantly more guests on his side. You do have to take both of your opinion's into consideration and it doesn't sound like he's listening to yours. You definitely need a proper discussion about it all x
I showed my other half what the costs were for a big wedding which he wanted, we are now goring to the Lake District with 30 people lol x
In all reality if it is his family that is bumping up the numbers and it is affordable its pretty harsh to say no to it. Both of you are getting married. How would you feel if he said you couldnt invite half of your family since he can not invite half of his just because he has a bigger family. Its not really fair is it. I understand you only wanting a smaller wedding as you will feel more comfortable but unless you are willing to cut as much percentagewise of your family as you are asking him to do its not a fair balance. You need to talk it out and look at finances to see what is actually doable and take it from there.
Show him the cost of feeding that many people. Should put him off x
I'd suggest having a small wedding away if that's what he wants, then maybe another local small ceremony with close family and then a huge party with everyone in the evening! Those numbers are so large that it'll be a huge stress I think. You need to find common ground with it. You could do both but need to think sensibly about it.
If he wants that many let him pay and organise it all!! Make him do invites, catering, sorting drinks etc for the guests and see how quickly he may change his mind perhaps?
I had/have a similar problem. I've got about 35 people invited my H2b had/has about 80. Luckily our venue only holds 100 and we can't fill it as we are having the Isle widened. Also as I pointed out the more people at the ceremony the more people we have to feed and we're on a tight budget. It seems to have started working for me.
Thanks lady's I just feel like 200 is to many people I only meet arout 15 of them an he want to do it all over again at his home witch my family can't or won't travel to I have around 30 to 40 guest as he didn't like a lot of my friends an I said I wount have them there as its his day to but when it comes to his quests there's no changing his mind ATM xx
It's his wedding too ... if you can afford it just go with the flow. More the merrier
90 people at my wedding 15 are my invites they are a very big family and can't invite one with out the other. If hes willing to pay for it let him
Show him the budget? That should change his mind 😂
What about having just close friends and family for the ceremony and then inviting more people to the reception. That's what myself and my fiancee have agreed and it keeps the cost down as well. Hope you both agree on something for your special day.
Just cost it out... he will soon change his mind
Ok put it this way, the cheaper side of catering can be around £30 per head, just for the 3 course meal. So £30 x 200 = £6000. That is just for the food IF you can find catering that is not too expensive and is inclusive of staff costs etc. If you want them to do evening food too then double it to £12000 in total. Then you have hire of glasses, cutlery, linen, crockery, you are looking at approximately £6 per head. £6 x 200 = £1200.
So for catering alone you would be looking at £7200 - £13200.
That is insane, then you need a venue which will hold you all, if you want exclusive use of a venue you will pay more. You can be charged more by photographers etc. If you can afford possibly around £20000-£25000 for a massive wedding then go for it, but if it was my other half, I'd like to know where HE was going to get that sort of money from lol.
Has he given you a reason why he wants so many..Wouldnt he prefer to havea few really close family and friends and save money rather than.have people he hardly sees
I'd think about the social aspect of it. Even with 100 guests, it's going to be pretty difficult to, at some point during the day, spend some time with everyone you've invited - have a photo with them, sit down to have a chat or drink with them, thank them for being there, give them your attention for a few minutes. I can't see how you'd manage to do that with 200 people. I had 65 and I still didn't feel like I'd seen everyone as much as they deserved.
To be honest 10 years down the line you probably won't even hang out with half the guests anyway. Waste of time and money, seems he's more interested in the party than the wedding he's a little caught up in it all. I'd totally cancel the wedding and spend that money on marrying abroad and the best honeymoon ever. Then put the rest into your home.
I'm sure when he realises how much the wedding costs he will change his mind. We are having around 50 guests and it's costing us over £10k so good luck with 200 you will probably be talking £20-30k if you are lucky. Personal opinion is if you have the cash and can afford it go for it. If not then budget what you can afford and go to your h2b with that. Absolutely no point getting in debt for one day inviting people who you probably don't see from one year to the next. Good luck :) x
Hi sit down and talk about how many guests my husband to be keeps inviting people of a night we started at 50 now is up to 80
I have a massive family and my partner has a really small family. He would be quite happy if we just eloped the two of us and I wanted a bigger wedding. I'm happy to only have really close family there, family who I've been close with my whole life rather than people whof I haven't seen in years ... I'm not paying for my 3rd cousin to come just because someone else would be upset. At the end of your day it's your day too and there really needs to be compromise on both sides. Set a budget and you should be able to work from there as well to see how many guests can be accommodated within that. Good luck
I don't even like that many people
You don't need that many people at your wedding - the day is about you not 200 other people to worry about