{"FB":true,"content":"#MEMBERREQUEST - Hen do is really driving me mad it...

Yeah been having a nightmare planning mine I've got to the point I don't want one x

I have no hen do arranged. Would love one but got no one to go

Only half of my bridesmaids come to mine. At the end of the day you have to understand that people have their own lives, own priorities and have to spend their money on other things. Your wedding day and hen do might be the most important thing in the world to you but to them it's just another occasion. The important thing is that they will be by your side on the big day. I ended up 4 weeks before the wedding arranging just a bridesmaids night and they all come to that xx

My bridesmaid has planned mine, no hassle for me. You do have to understand though if they have a valid reason for not coming. If it's basically because they don't want to then they should tell you and not ignore messages

I am in the same situation with people reading the messages and ignoring them and not saying to me if they are going or not but have told other people. I understand not everyone can afford all these things but still think people should let you know if they are going or not. I was near not going to have one but most people are going now.

I'm not even bothered about having one but my sister and friends are arranging something, I just hope it's something low key, I'm not really a great fan of hen nights, it's more expense on top of the wedding and the guests don't always know eachother but I'm an older, 2nd time bride and did it all my first time round but am sure some are feeling hurt if it's important to them and nobody seems to be making an effort, can u ask them directly y they ignoring the messages or don't want to go? X

I've cancelled mine for similar reasons

Amy Castleman this made me think of you lol

To play devil's advocate, maybe they aren't responding to the message that you can see and there is a whole other chat going on with some lovely surprises for you. tbh sweetie you have enough stress arranging your big day to be worried about who's coming to your hen do. I know you may feel a little hurt people appear to not give a hoot but the people who care will be there to send you off in style and if they can't make it (maybe you are having an expensive thing and it's just they just can't afford it more than not wanting to attend) I would try to relax about it and just enjoy the run-up to your big day x

I'm not having one. Saves all the stress and agro. He's not having a stag either, as he doesn't drink and isn't the most sociable person lol. We might just have a meal with family and friends.

My hen party consisted of my maid of honour, my mum and her best friend. Nobody else turned up but I had the most amazing night in the end. At the end of the day you'll have a good night regardless abs if people can't be bothered to make the effort do you really want them there anyway.

People have their own lives and whilst our weddings may be the biggest and most important thing in the world to us right now, some people are just not interested and we cannot expect them to be. People have work, child and personal commitments, people may be paying a lot of money to come to the actual wedding day (which is more important than the hen do), by the time they have got you a gift and spent money on the actually day (drinks etc) then it all adds up! I do understand it's frustrating that people can't come to your hen party but maybe they can't afford it, simply don't like what your doing or have other commitments. I would approach the bridesmaids and ask them why they aren't responding to your messages they could be having problems of their own xx

I can't even be bothered to have a hen do. Too much faff and money. I don't expect others to pay for my part in it and have more important things to be spending my money on. I also don't like being centre of attention.

Yeap, I've totally regretted having bridesmaids as a whole. Should have just had a maid of honour

I think it's plain ignorant and I'd be pissed too. If you can't/don't want to come JUST SAY! No respect for people who ignore messages time after time! Especially those close enough to you for you to actually ask them to be your bridesmaid in the first place!!

Your not alone, I had exactly this. So many people say there excited can't wait etc. It's all crap. I think everyone has this with there weddings. You learn who ur friends are for definite x

My sister had a similar situation before her wedding....If they want to be there they will be there!

Set a clear date and payment deadline, be happy with whoever comes and forgive whoever can't. Have you ever chosen not to go on a hen do because you can't be bothered? Most people have an honest reason. Don't fall out about it, they are the ones missing out. Trying to arrange a night out for a few friends is often difficult let alone one for a group that has to pay in advance! Be happy and move forward x

I ended up having a small hen do on a night around town because people didn't care. They still came to my wedding but i also found out one person who said she couldn't come because of "an home issue she had" ended up making plans a few days after I asked her to go else where on the very same night! Was pretty mad! But at the end of they day it's your night and they will be the ones missing out on a good time

So ..............
1, take a breath
2, ask yourself ,do the NEED to respond to posts,If they aren't coming .
3, remember that the world continues to turn despite your wedding.
4, a hen do is only a party with a different name

Surely if your buying the dresses make up n hair they could afford to come there.. and not be rude and ignoring.. people have got other commitments but no need for not responding if they had respect surely they wud say x

Sometimes hen dos can become out of control and become really expensive. It might be that they feel they can't talk to you about it because they don't want to upset you. I have been on lots of hen dos where they are weekends away and wouldn't have missed any of them for the world but it has meant that I wasn't able to have a holiday for 3 years because I couldn't afford it. My hen do is one day and it's a house party. There is a theme of my choosing and it will be a bring you own food and drink type event. That way it's cheap. I know nothing more because my bridesmaids are organising it. I have no idea what you have planned but you do need to be mindful of other peoples situation. If you are having difficulty communicating by message then maybe you need to go and actually speak to them. Messages can be lost on translation and can be read in the wrong tone xx

It's really difficult and although there's no reason just to ignore your messages, we need to remember that other people's lives carry on whilst we are planning and don't revolve around our weddings/hen do. What are you doing for it? I have been invited to hen dos before where it would cost me hundreds to go to something I don't actually want to do at all and don't morally agree with, and I've been in an awkward position where I've been nervous to tell the bride I can't go - could it be something like that? Or turning it on its head, maybe they are organising a suprise for you and aren't answering because they don't want to give anything away. The best thing to do is speak to them and tell them how you feel, but nicely! At the end of the day as long as they come to the wedding, I think hen dos are made a bigger deal of than needs be xx

You should be thankful you have some coming. I moved over to the UK nearly 3 years ago. My financè is British. All my nearest & dearest are in South Africa so I don't even think I'll have a hen do/ weekend as I can't imagine it without them. They'll be at the wedding though which will be a huge consolation. Shouldn't that be what REALLY matters?

I must be really lucky with mine then because every one of my 6 bridesmaids are coming and there's 12 of us in total. Did you consult before deciding what to do? And set a budget to see what everyone could afford? Mines costing £180 for 2 nights in a massive country house all to ourselves. If some couldn't have made it I would have totally understood, it's a lot of money for everyone to find but luckily for me they're all more than willing to pay that to come. It depends what sort of friends they are and how close you are? It's harder for women than men as we usually have childcare to arrange as well. Ignoring the messages is pretty rude but maybe they don't know how to tell you or maybe they're trying to sort details so they can come, it's probably just poor communication rather than intentional rudeness. My hen doo is second to my wedding, don't get me wrong I'm so excited to be doing what we are with my friends but if it had ended up just being a few I'd have had a night out Instead. The focus for you should be the wedding I would try your best not to let this overshadow that c

One of my bridesmaids has organised mine for me ... she sent out invites, gave a deadline and chased ... saved me stressing ... she's sent me a final list of who's confirmed but not where we're going ...

I didn't go to my best friends main hen do as it was a trip to Dublin and I'd only given birth by c section around 6 weeks previously. She wasn't fussed as I joined her for a local night out a few weeks before the wedding.

I've kept mine small with only those closest to me so I know they will make the effort, only 1 is a girl and 4 boys as they are my closest friends x

It seems to be normal for some people not to turn up to hen dos but in my experience, the bridesmaids (maid of honour) mainly arrange the whole thing. I will have 3 bridesmaids and I 100% expect them all to come. I've chosen those 3 people who mean the world to me and I know they would not miss my hen do. Why would you have a bridesmaid that can't even be asked to turn up to the hen do?? Why did they say yes to being a bridesmaid? Why did you ask them?

Im not havimg a hen party

Completely know how you feel. Almost told one bridesmaid where to go at one point
Weddings and all that one with it are so stressful. Just enjoy it as much as you can with the people that are actually want to spend time with you x

You realise who your friends are when you plan a wedding, although their lives carry on and your wedding isn't at the centre I strongly think that the people who are your bridesmaids 100% should make the effort to go to your hen do! Your paying for them to support you throughout the process and if they don't want to be involved or be up to it they should be honest with you. I had a similar situation, people had other things to spend their money on and other things to do, which is understandable but on the flip side you would be paying for these people who can't make the effort to save some money for a hen do. Just be honest with them it saves a lot of hassle, I got married just before Christmas and what it's taught me is you know who you are important to and do what makes you happy because at the end of the day these people are only doing what makes them happy so why should you worry?!

Whilst we have to appreciate that everyone has their own lives, it's just plain rude to ignore messages. It takes 2 mins to answer a message, so I don't blame you for being annoyed about that. In the end, the people who really love you will come through for you. Treasure them and don't bother chasing after the ignorant ones any more

At the end of the day, it's all nice to assume everyone will be able to be there. My hen night was not the night I dreamed it would be at all. I had only my daughter who was my bm, my cousin, a friend I call sis there, my longest standing friend who was my cake maker and 2 other friends. All the rest was my hubby's family. Neither of my sisters were there, my mum passed away v suddenly and unexpectedly 11 weeks before my big day and it was too raw for them to go.
There is an awful lot of expected stuff with weddings but it's 2017, go with the flow. If someone chooses to ignore a message, then go see them face to face and find out what the problem is.