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UKbride Member Request 14 Nov 2019

Marriage

I’m in a real predicament at the moment.... I don’t know if I want to get married anymore.... I’m falling out of love with my partner and I don’t know what to do or how to approach the situation.... I don’t know if it’s nerves or what but I just don’t have the enthusiasm when talking about the wedding anymore and I only have rings, bridesmaid dresses and groomsman suites to arrange... the wedding is next year....

28 Comments
UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

It could just be cold feet, I went through some thing simular when going through the process of buying our first house with my boyfriend of 8 years. When we actually had a date for the house to be ours my emotions went back to normal.

We are now planning our wedding for our 11 year anniversary in 2021 xxx

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Be honest with them. You don’t want to resent spending the rest of your life with them.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Just remember the reasons why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Take time out from wedding planning and focus on you both. Go on some dates and have some fun. Get those amazing feelings back from when you first met.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Is it the wedding or your partner you’ve fallen out of love with.

Sometimes weddings can be so stressful you forget to be with your other half.

Suggest don’t talk or do anything about wedding for a few weeks and spend time together If nothing improves then have a talk with them and make decisions

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

I had the same thing happen to me. I really started to doubt I wanted to be married to my wife. There was a lot of stress at home. Luckily at that point I only had a few things in place like the venue. I got in contact and moved it back by 2 years. It gave me time to work out it was something I wanted to do and we finally got married in 2017.
Good luck.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

I was always told to believe in my gut instinct, and oh boy I wish I did, I wouldn't have been lied and cheeted on if only I listened to my gut instinct 15 years ago. Talk to your htb and see how he feels too, be sure about any decisions you make, planning a wedding is stressful, is your partener still enthusiastic, maybe you are coming to realise that after getting married life changes.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

I felt the same. My fear was the change itself I had trouble accepting people calling me mrs Bates. It felt wrong. I was worried it was making the wrong decision and that maybe I didn't love him the way I thought I did. I analyse everything and got a bit obsessed with all his annoying things. On the wedding day walking down the aisle I burst into tears. It was all the stress of planning and worrying everything wouldn't be perfect and that it was such a big change for me. But I'm glad I went through with it. Hes the love of my life. I can honestly say o would never do a big wedding again looking back. All the stress and I HATE being centre of attention lol xxx hope this helps. Xxx everyone's feelings are different but if you take something away it's you know what/who makes you happy deep down xxx trust yourself x

Debbie Moffatt
Debbie Moffatt 15 Nov 2019

Maybe take a break from the wedding plans and concentrate on the two of you, remember what made you fall in love what made you want to marry , have date nights have fun it’s so easy to get caught up in the stresses of everything you simply don’t have time for each other .

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

I’m a big fan of lists, wrote pros and cons to gather your thoughts. It’s especially hard if there’s other stressful things going on it can all get blurred. Xx

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Only you know how you feel, I was stressed planning our wedding but I never doubted that I wanted to marry him, this is something you really need to consider, marriage shouldn't be a case of I'll try and if I doesn't work oh well and it grinds my gears when people say things change once you get married, no it doesn't, or better yet no it shouldn't, it's just an official legal ceremony of your commitment to each other. Take some time away from wedding preparations and spend some quality time your fiancé and try to figure out why you wanted to marry him in the first place. Good luck honey xx

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

you can always reconnect with your partner by doing new things and going on new adventures even going on a date night every Friday will help. Love is fleeting. You can't always be in love there will be days like that. It's commitment that matters. Also, you can discuss with your h2b. Don't worry it will pass. I felt that way and discussed with my finance we did things to reconnect and I can't wait to marry him now. As long as you are compatible you can work on reconnecting. Don't worry will all fall into place.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

My personal opinion is, if you're feeling this way now, it will only get worse. Being in a relationship isnt all about holding hands and walks in the park, sometimes you really have to work on it. But if you're having serious doubts then you might be better off walking away now then get married and potentially feel trapped for the rest of your life. That being said, I think you should make a list of reasons why you feel this way and discuss any concerns to your H2B. Hope you do whatever makes you happy. X

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed from all the wedding planning or resentful if he's not pulling his weight etc. Like the others say, put down the planning for a bit and take time out to talk and spend time with your partner and see if things change.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

I would say stop planning for a couple of months, go back to simply focusing on each other. See how you feel then. Sounds like you are well ahead with the planning anyway, depending on when next year you get married. So don't panic right now, just take some time for you and your relationship.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Planning a wedding is very stressful, your time is consumed with everything you need to do. Take a break from it. Have some quality time together. Write down everything that's worrying you and talk to your H2B. You could always put your wedding back a year or two, to give yourself time to think and sort through your worries.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Honestly wedding planning was sooo stressful! There were times where I was like are we even going to make it to the day!

I would suggest taking some time with you partner do a nice weekend or a fun activity, remember why you love them, re connect as a couple without any talk of weddings. If the feeling remains then you just need to sit them down and talk it out.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Wedding planning isn’t all fun and excitement, there’s plenty of that involved but it will get stressful and tedious. I think if you’re feeling this way you need to consider whether you’re still attracted to your partner both physically and emotionally. Spend some quality time together to take a break from wedding planning. One thing I will say though, if you’re having strong doubts then don’t go ahead with it, and don’t wait until the last minute to cancel either

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

First I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are so brave to share this, you have to do what’s right for you. You know what love is and ultimately only you know if you love your H2B. If you think about other bad times, have you felt like this I.e. is it a bad patch for you or something different that needs exploring? When my husband and I were preparing to get married, we went on two marriage courses. (long story summed up by us both being from two different churches and wanting to support each other) They used questionnaires in both as well as techniques to bring us closer together in times of difficulty and also remembering to remind each other and ourselves about the good things also. Two nights before the wedding, we had an almighty row. Safe in the knowledge of the courses, we were able to push through because we knew it was a stress argument in response to the commitment. Now we are happily married and it was such a beautiful day and we are in awe of our marriage and proud of it. Apparently the majority of people who get divorced say they knew before the wedding that they shouldn’t have got married. You owe it to yourself to explore your doubts. But you also owe it to yourself to also explore your relationship together with your H2B. Both ways you stay true to yourself. You got this

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Sorry you are feeling like this. Firstly, you need to figure out honestly why you are feeling this way. How long have you had doubts? Honestly? Was it the thought of getting married more than the person that appealed? Have they done something that has changed your feelings towards them since saying yes? Is it just the stress of planning? I gave been with my partner for 10 years, 9 to engagement and I can honestly say gand on heart that no part of the wedding planning has made me question my love for him. Could you talk to him and perhaps push it back? Explain that you feel it is all about the wedding and you want some time to just be a couple again? There really is only you tgats going to know deep down if this feels right. And by right, we are talking marriage..its the gold standard of declaring your found someone amazing that you want by your side until one of you is no longer here.... if that isnt how you feel, then marriage isnt right x

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

You have to talk to him. First and foremost talk to him! there’s ups and downs in every relationship, if it can be saved and you want to, try to do what you can however, if you just aren’t in love with him anymore then you must call it off. To hell with the money and people’s opinions! You can’t drag him through a wedding just to leave him later. I’m so sorry you’re going through this x

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Talk to each other, it might be nerves or stress. Take some time off, leave the plans for a bit & spend quality time with each other; a night away, date nights & see.

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Oh sweetheart that’s a tough one. Reading the comments above see if you can get the spark back but don’t do it unless your heart is 100% in it.Be true to yourself xx

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Can you imagine waking up next to your partner and seeing their face every day for the next 20 ( ) years? If not it may be best to get out now! Seriously tho, remember why you wanted to get married in the 1st place and talk to your partner

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

Weddings are super stressful and there is always a point where you reach the edge and think ‘is this all worth it?’. Not because you don’t love you partner or don’t want to get married but because you’ve had enough of all of the ‘organisational stress’!! Give it time, organise those last bits you have and see if the feelings reduce! I’m sure every wife/bride to be here can agree that planning a wedding is one of the biggest projects you’ll ever have in your life...made even more stressful if your partner doesn’t help out! Hope everything works out for you!

UKbride Member 15 Nov 2019

If you are doubting it now I would strongly recommend you take a break and have a think. The closer you get to the wedding the more pressure you will be under and a divorce costs a lot more in money but most importantly heartache

UKbride Member 16 Nov 2019

Hmm.. I think it’s fair to say wedding planning is stressful. I remember getting so stressed and thinking ‘I don’t even want this bloody wedding anymore’ but never once did I rethink wanting the marriage. I think that’s the key difference, you mention not wanting the marriage. Are you falling out of love from lack of time with your partner? Due to maybe working more to fund it or time spent wedding planning? Or is it something deeper than that? Only you know the answer to that. Weddings are expensive to cancel, but divorce is far more expensive. I think you need to really think about this and if you really feel this way and it’s not just wedding stress/exhaustion then you need to talk to your partner and seriously consider calling off the wedding. These things happen every day, it’s better you knew beforehand xx

UKbride Member 16 Nov 2019

Yes, definitely time to put wedding planning aside and have a break from it and to give yourself time. Talk to your h2b and spend time with him see how you feel. You've got plenty of time and you need to do what's right for you. Don't let family and friends persuade you or make you feel guilty, it's a big decision. Lots of love xxx

UKbride Member 16 Nov 2019

Here You go sweet pea ... welcome to true love ( it creates the biggest fears)

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21222/38-hard-truths-about-relationships.html

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