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UKbride Member Request 24 Oct 2019

Rant

Bit long I am in desperate need. I get married in January 2020 & my MIL has just thrown a massive spanner in the works & told us she isn't coming! I asked for a reason & wasn't given one just ended up in the firing line & now she doesn't want to talk to us. My FIL is fine with us & doesn't understand her behavior but told us she still isn't coming! I am annoyed cause I tried so hard to involve her & I am so nice to her & all she does is bring me down to other's. My Future H2B Say's she's doing it for attention & is trying to split us up. Him & his dad both told me to ignore her & if she doesn't come then it's her lose but I feel like the on the day everyone is going to be thinking it's my fault & hate me. My H2B & his dad have told me to not worry. She is so nasty to me, she once said i couldnt look after her son. Why didnt she do this to her other sons wedding, why is she trying to ruin mine. I cant say how horrible the past few months have been. Anyone else have a monster in law instead of a mother in law?

62 Comments
Rachael Maiden
Rachael Maiden 25 Oct 2019

Do as your H2B and FIL said ignore her she sounds like a drama queen and likes everything to be about her xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Wow she is being very childish!! I agree 100% with your h2b and fil2b, dont worry about her! She will come on the day, it's her sons wedding and if she doesn't then it says alot about her, not you or anyone else. I know it's difficult but focus on you and your h2b and your wonderful day and dont give her the satisfaction of letting her get to you!

Stacey Gill
Stacey Gill 25 Oct 2019

I'm lucky enough to have a lovely MiL, I'm sorry that this is not always the case. But they are right, on the day it won't matter, it'll be her that had missed out. My only worry for you is if she tries turning up and causing a scene. I would ask that members of staff from your venue keep an eye out for her and make sure no one is allowed in the area when the service starts.
And I can guarantee the thing your guests will be thinking in the day is, "is she sick?" "Why is the fil here and not the MiL?" But they will not blame you. They'll be in awe of you and happy for you because you'll look stunning and you'll be marrying the only person that matters to you

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Go round/give her a ring and ask her why she isn’t coming. Then tell her you want her there. Even if you don’t. Do it for your other half. Be the bigger person. Then you can say you did everything you could.

Rebecca Sullivan
Rebecca Sullivan 25 Oct 2019

I agree with the others don’t worry about her. Carry on with your day. Your H2B sounds like he is on your side/has your back and that’s what matters at the end of the day. Breathe, hold your head up and move on. Have a fabulous wedding day xxx

Beatrice Sanchez
Beatrice Sanchez 25 Oct 2019

Hi-that May not help you at all but what I tend to do( not with the MIL but with conflict in general) is try and remove myself from the situation-what other people do is their choice-do your best so you don’t live with regret and leave others decisions to them... other than this you would find driving yourself insane!!

Emily Coleman
Emily Coleman 25 Oct 2019

This day is about you and your h2b in the long run that is all that matters!! Honestly if she doesn't want to come that's fine, you will still have a perfect day!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Lucky escape then,carry on as you are let her miss out she's a grown woman acting like a child!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Just ignore her! If she wants to act like a child then that's on her, dont let it spoil your wedding planning. You've done all you can, you dont need to beg her xx

Siobhan Knight-Potgieter
Siobhan Knight-Potgieter 25 Oct 2019

I don’t, however your other half and father in law are right. Don’t give her the attention and she will fall in line.

It’s pettiness, best thing you can do is ignore her attention grabbing, tell her flat your marrying her son and she’s got you whether she likes it or not so she can either be involved in your lives or she can lose out on future grandchildren etc x

sharon finestone
sharon finestone 25 Oct 2019

Listen to your h2b and FIL. They know her. Sod her, have your day and don’t worry about her x

Shell Hallsworth
Shell Hallsworth 25 Oct 2019

oh gosh, wha ta horrible position to be in, glad im not in your situation, after she has had her tantrum, come the time she may change her mind, remember its about you & your h2b, hope all works out well in time for the day.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Is she doesn't come then she is the one people will speak about for not going. She will regret it in years to come, its her loss not yours.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Its actually YOURS and your FIANCE'S day, not hers. Go ahead, enjoy yourself and if she misses it, it's her loss, not yours. You have his and his dad's support so if shes not on board, that's about her, not you.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

My MIL and FIL didn’t come to our wedding in 2017. Don’t get me wrong, we get along just fine, they just didn’t want to travel the distance as we live in the midlands but were married in Cornwall. We were upset that they took the decision to stay at home rather than be with with us. But our wedding was about US no one else. Just focus on your day. Don’t let anything petty get to you. The drama is not worth it. I promise in years to come you won’t even remember that she wasn’t there. You’ll have far too many good memories to hold on to. Never let what others think effect you, no good can come of that. You are who you are. Just be proud to be your future husbands bride and keep that head held high!

Jaymee-Leigh McAliece
Jaymee-Leigh McAliece 25 Oct 2019

My monster in law told my h2b ex (whom he has a child to) that i had been calling her a bitch etc and that my man was telling me to stop and sticking up for his ex. Neither of these things happened. Not once have I spoken ill about her but the MiL was saying this to his ex so she would try get him back. She didn't succeed and hates me for it and even though my mister is planning to move in, she still hates me. Cant win

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

The fact you FiL is standing by you and H2b over his wife will speak volumes and she is the one who will look bad. Also people I’m sure will more be concentrating on your wonderful day!

Nicola Bennett
Nicola Bennett 25 Oct 2019

My mother in law didn’t come to our wedding last year because o didn’t ask my hubbys sister to be my bridesmaid. It caused so much upset and stress. Her loss though. We had the best day with the rest of his family xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

IGNORE HER, mine said she didn't know if she would come if we didn't have hubs 2 nieces as bm's ... he said well that's your choice to make , we didn't have them & in the end she didn't even get an invitation ( due to more rubbish )

Charlotte Ward
Charlotte Ward 25 Oct 2019

Just carry on with your plans, invite her as you will invite everyone, if she declines id be tempted to ignore it and save her seat anyway as likehood is she will change her mind, but if she dosent its her loss

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

My fh mother and him don't get along her and his father divorced years ago but we still invited her and his grandparent to the wedding she turned around and said no thank you I've got better things to do and went out and booked a holiday my thoughts are sod you then if you don't want to see your only son getting married that's your perogative I'm sure we will have an amazing day with or without her and I'm sure you will to x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and the pig likes it

Rebecca Finnigan
Rebecca Finnigan 25 Oct 2019

I'm sorry she sounds awful, you can't look after her son!!! You shouldn't have to he's a grown ass man who should be able to look after himself 😂 a marriage is a partnership not personal carer to another adult.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

There’s no law saying parents have to attend their children’s wedding, my eldest daughter now happily married to someone else, was getting married a few year ago, so just knew he wasn’t right n told her I wouldn’t be going, not trying to be awkward but I just knew, I said I would have a meal with them after the wedding but I just could not attend, 4 week before the wedding the groom to be beat my daughter up really badly, when she finally got married then her now husband, my partner & myself welcomed my ex husband his wife n their daughter into our home on the morning if the wedding, so we wer all there for her, I have my daughter my reasons for not attending the first wedding which I was actually right, so if your mother in law is just being stubborn with no reason, just go ahead shel either come or she won’t xx

Carly Sartin
Carly Sartin 25 Oct 2019

Let her miss out on her child and yours big day. It’ll be her with all the regrets and wishing she was there xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Just dont fuel the fire, send and invite...(infect, take a photo of piles of invites and put hers as the top one, and post to facebook so everyone knows she was invited if that's worrying you) and then leave it, if she comes, she comes...if she doesnt, her loss xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

I have this with my own mum! It is your and your fiances day! You’re not trying to please anyone else and if her own husband has realised she’s being a lunatic then everyone else will too!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

I hear you my Mum & Dad, sister & her family haven't made any effort to meet my Fiancé & I have tried & tried. Now I really don't care if they come as its my Fiancé's day (and mine) and as long as the people who are happy for us are there then we are fine with it. Its your day if she grows up then let her if not she is the one losing out.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Leave her too it and let her carry on dont let her ruin your day, her loss if she isnt there. My MIL made snide comments during speeches, went and cried in the toilets cuz she wasn't at the top table, threw a hissy fit because I didnt buy her a present, left to get changed and missed the photos, and then left before 9pm at the evening reception lmao I had a great day lol x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

My SIL is the same, has acted like a spoilt brat since we got engaged, caused a huge family drama an hour before our engagement party and refused to come, she won’t get the chance with the wedding my H2B doesn’t want to invite her

Sophie Nosworthy
Sophie Nosworthy 25 Oct 2019

I thought my future MIL can be bad!
If shes willing to miss her son's wedding for whatever reason, then that's something she has to live with not you.
Perhaps your h2b needs to sit his mum down and ask her reasoning, if she won't tell him then thats on her!

Fiona Louise
Fiona Louise 25 Oct 2019

I had one, we are now divorced as I couldn't put up with her controlling shit anymore !!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

It’s yours and your hubby’s special day, if she wants to be nasty just leave her to it. You’ve tried and if she’s not willing to meet half way then it’s not your problem xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

🤷‍️ it is her loss hun and she will have to answer all the questions from people “we didn’t see you at the wedding “ etc please try not to stress they are right you carry on with all the things that matter for your day and ignore her childish antics xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

You’re h2b & FIl are right, ignore her! She’s craving the attention & wants you to go running after her. Don’t do it you’ve done nothing wrong. She’ll be there on your wedding day I guarantee it.

Robyn Gregg
Robyn Gregg 25 Oct 2019

If she really has given you no possible reason (whether justified or not) to be angry at you then I say she’s a very bitter woman who doesn’t deserve to be at your wedding. If your H2B and especially you FIL are saying you’ve done nothing wrong and not to worry, then take great comfort in that. I guarantee no one will be thinking it’s your fault. Most likely they’ll be thinking “that’s very sad that she’s chosen to miss out on her son’s special day, they’re memories she’ll not get back”

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Her loss if she doesnt come. Dont let it ruin your day, and if both your H2B and FIL2B are saying ignore her, then listen to them!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Getting married is so stressful. Anyone who makes that more difficult isn't supporting your marriage. The idea of guests at your wedding is to have people there who love and support you and it sounds like there's more who do than who don't. Unfortunately this is the time to get butch. Remind her that you'll be the mother to her grandchildren, invite her, be the good guy. She will be the one who misses out on her son's life and she'll only have herself to blame

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Dont let her ruin your wedding it's her problem not yours. My nan was like this with my mum. My dad was a mummy's boy and she was always jealous of my mum and me and my sister when we came along. I love my grandchildren to bits so will never understand why my nan was so nasty to us. Good luck and I hope you have a fantastic wedding day your friends and other family will be there. They will make your day special shes the one that will miss out seeing her son get married. Sounds like a very selfish woman as your kids come first even in adulthood

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

It's her loss. Yes it's upsetting for you, but she sounds like a right cow. Don't let her upset the most wonderful day of your life.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Your partner needs to tell she has one chance to change her mind then he makes the decision that she's not coming. This is about control over her son, she needs to let go and he needs to be his own person.

helen bavister
helen bavister 25 Oct 2019

If that’s her attitude just carry on planning without her. She sounds like a child throwing a tantrum because she can’t get her own way. Is this the last of her boys to get married? Maybe she feels like she’s losing her son rather than gaining a daughter?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Listen to hubby and his Dad, ignore her. Also... why do you need to look after her son? It's 2019.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Speaking from experience if you're mil doesn't like you she never will. She is a grown woman. Your h2b and fil are on your side. Also people who know her know s what she is like. Be yourself, be polite, don't stoop to her level if she wants to miss the big day let her. It is your and your h2b day concentrate on having a most wonderful day and just leave this woman to stew in her own juice. Forgive but don't forget. Good luck. Xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

My FIL from my first marriage did this. Said he wasn't dressing up is a tail suit & not coming to wedding. Lo & behold on the day there he was in matching suit lording it like nothing had happened. Ignore her. Make it yours & you HTB days & enjoy it. Her loss if she doesn't come. x

Paula Millar
Paula Millar 25 Oct 2019

If your hubby to be and your future father in law are saying leave her to it why are you stressing? Have a wonderful day. Without her. It’s a happy day. Xx

Rhiannon Taylor
Rhiannon Taylor 25 Oct 2019

My Dad's Mum hated my Mum for years until she left her husband (my Grandad) and everyone turned on her except my Mum. So, sometimes people can change their minds, but I wouldn't worry about making her like you or she'll get her way, as it will take it's toll on you and potentially on your relationship. Just be you and be proud of who you are; if she can't accept that, it's not her marrying you anyway so who cares? 🤷 Good luck!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

You have tried your best by the sounds of it don't let her ruin your special day if she doesn't come that's her problem not yours make sure you have a lovely day x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Not now but I did once! It’s a jealousy thing! If he’s the oldest he’s her pride and joy and if he’s the youngest he’s the baby so you can’t win! I would tell her that the wedding will happen without her and you would really like a clean slate as you will be family. Take your fiancé though otherwise she could spin it badly x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

I’m very lucky and my MIL is a very lovely kind women- she is so helpful to me and her son and our children! If the tables was turned and “ she wasn’t- and didn’t want to come” I would try my hardest to fix the situation even if it wasn’t my fault! For starters she’s family! End off! 2ndly as much as my H2B would be a case of it our day as yours is I know it would hurt him and I wouldn’t want that! It does seem unfair for your MIL to behave in such a manner but I’d bite my lip and try my very hardest to make friends and get her to change her mind and welcome you as her daughter Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

Been there with mine.just have to ride it out.ignore her.dont tell her anything.give her an invite.then it’s upto her. Gd luck and enjoy your day..it’s yours and hubbies day not hers.xx

Kerrie Chandler
Kerrie Chandler 25 Oct 2019

My in laws didn’t come to our wedding because my SIL threw a huge strop over not getting her way as bridesmaid and nobody battered an eye lid and just thought they were ridiculous! We told them if they didn’t come we’d never speak to them again and still don’t to this day. Of course now we have a daughter they want to know. It will be her loss in the end and you’ll be so swept up you won’t even notice x

Carol sullivan
Carol sullivan 25 Oct 2019

It's urs and ur h2b day if the mil is being shitty let het b shitty she has been invited to the wedding up to her if she attends.dont let her ruin ur day

Sarah Monaghan
Sarah Monaghan 25 Oct 2019

Her loss Hun try and not let it spoil your special day xx

Rachael Penfold
Rachael Penfold 25 Oct 2019

I would tell her that thats fine. Don't show up on the day as there will be no space for her

Melissa McDonald
Melissa McDonald 25 Oct 2019

Hope everything turns out for you don't stress about it and just look forward to your wedding I just find myself lucky that I have a amazing mil first time we met we just clicked hope she comes around x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

It is not you!!! It is her problem and you should leave her to it. No one will think it is your fault and you need to concentrate on yours and your H2B wedding. I am having a similar situation with my own mother and sister. It is attention seeking and unfair I know it is hard but you need to focus on yourself. Don’t let her ruin your special day x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

My mother in law is lovely and I am very lucky...but please do not worry about her. You are marrying her son not her and on the day everyone will be happy and excited, they will forget she isn’t there or won’t care. Good luck x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Oct 2019

It’s not your fault in anyway! We nearly did not have my FIL or MIL at our wedding. They wanted to control everything and dictate our day, but we just didn’t let it phase us... it’s your wedding not hers! Its the most special day of your life and you deserve to have it your way and with people that want to be around you. No one will judge you if she doesn’t come, it will look worse on her not attending her own son’s wedding. Everyone coming is there because they love you and want to share in your special day! Don’t worry about it, enjoy getting everything together and looking forward to your day, if she comes great, if not it’s her that has to live with not attending her son’s wedding. We wish you all the best. Pedz Photography.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Oct 2019

You’ve got the love and backing of your hubby to be and father in law, go for it have an amazing day and ignore her, she isn’t worth it, clearly attention seeking and people will put her down for what she is, if her own husband is backing you then have a wonderful day without her! X

Emma Louise Bennett
Emma Louise Bennett 26 Oct 2019

Me and my partners mum haven't spoke in over 6 months because every time I tried to include her in the wedding she had an excuse. Not coming on my hen do, wedding dress and bridesmaid dress shopping. I always made a conscious effort to try and include her but got nothing back. She said she was going to pay for a few things totalling up to £2,000 which we appreciated massively so we didnt budget for those items for her to turn around and say she cant. We didn't expect anything off anyone but would of preffered her to of said from the off set. Anyway I decided to tell her how everything was making me feel, mainly that she just wasnt interested and I didnt want to invite her to anything anymore because I want to save myself the disappointment and that was the end of that she hasnt spoke to me since, she doesnt even speak to my other half anymore. Weve since found out were having our first child, her first grandchild and still not heard a peep from her and we have told her. I'm still going to invite her to the wedding I doubt she will come but thats her own choice. I think it's gone on far to long now for anything to ever be anything type of normal, its ashamed really.

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