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UKbride Member Request 3 Apr 2019

My best friend and I are both planning our weddings

So, I got engaged last year and have already booked my wedding for 2021 and chosen my bridal party. One of my best friends has already said yes to being a bridesmaid and is really excited. She got engaged last month and has already started planning as well and I’m really happy for her. The problem is she has starting talking about both going dress shopping etc together for both our weddings. I really want her to be a part of my planning process and I want to be a part of hers but how do I tell her that I want to try and keep things separate? I don’t mean to sound self-centred but I have been waiting my whole life to plan my wedding and I want to be the focus of that planning.

28 Comments
Celine Harland
Celine Harland 4 Apr 2019

You could go together one day for her telling her it’s her special moment and then do the same for you

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I would just tell her if your good friends she will understand I'm sure x

Amy Vigor-Green
Amy Vigor-Green 4 Apr 2019

Explain to her that as lovely as that sounds the practical side if it wont really work. As neither of you will be concentrating and be no help whilst the other is trying on as you'll be thinking about when it's your turn next!
Maybe suggest your appointment one day then hers the next that way you both get the proper attention you deserve.

Rachel Doxey
Rachel Doxey 4 Apr 2019

Just let her know that you want to do it separately- A lot of shops won’t let you both try on dresses especially as you will be taking different people to help .
It doesn’t sound self centred at all

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Presumably if she's a bridesmaid she's one of your best friends...so just tell her?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Just tell her. Me and my sister are in the same situation, she told me she wanted to keep it separate and i was totally fine with that :-)

Dani Smith
Dani Smith 4 Apr 2019

Thing is, her wedding is just as important as yours. Do different days for dress shopping, but don't get upset if she sees something she likes.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Why don’t you just suggest doing shopping for each other at different times to make it special for both of you? That way you both have a day that’s just for you?

Laura Shergold
Laura Shergold 4 Apr 2019

Tell her that you want dress shopping to be as special for her as you want it to be for you. Also, I doubt shops will be able to fit you both in at same time for appointments x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Tell you want to keep it more separate so you could look at more dresses x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Maybe go to a few things together but go to some things by yourself also that way you have more freedom and if anything ends up similar that was chosen on separate occasions it’s a happy coincidence

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Tell her you want the dress to be a surprise:)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Having two lots of bridal parties at a try out is highly impractical and basically impossible in some shops. It may well have been a spur of the moment that wasn't entirely thought through. You each want to focus on what you want when you shop for your dress. Have a chat with her. Good luck x

Elizabeth Pratt
Elizabeth Pratt 4 Apr 2019

I’m in the same situation, just speak to your friend and explain that whilst you are so excited for her , you want to keep things separate so you both get that special treatment ☺️ x

Olivia Brown
Olivia Brown 4 Apr 2019

Play it the opposite way xxx tell her you’re delighted to be part of hers and have her be part of yours xxx tell her that when she goes dress shopping, you want it to be all about her and not have you detract from her moment to shine xxx tell her also, that in terms of entourages, it might spoil it for your mum and her mum to see their daughters sharing the limelight xxx offer to go with her still, but let her say be about her xx then Your day can be about you xxx

Lauren Nother
Lauren Nother 4 Apr 2019

I only went dress shopping with my mum and sister.

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 4 Apr 2019

Just tell her what you've told us, me and my friend are marrying 6 months apart and I suggested we went dress shopping together and she was pleased however if she had wanted to do it on a seperate day I wouldnt of minded. For me Im not one for lots of attention so sharing the attention has halped with my anxiety as know that if it gets to much she will be there ❤

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

just explain you dont want to risk that awful episode of say yes to the dress where both girls fell in love with the ame dress so might be better going to different stores for your own dresses but will happily be in her entourage as wouldnt dream of doing it without her

Jayne Harper
Jayne Harper 4 Apr 2019

Honestly just tell her. It's ok to want to dress shop for the two weddings separately. Just as it's ok to do it together.

I will say though that finding your wedding dress at the same time as your best friend is honestly a moment you can never beat within your friendship. Me and my bestie weren't planning on finding our dresses together, in fact we'd actually had a conversation about going to one place separately but we both found our dresses within minutes of each other at the wedding show.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Just go with her and have fun. You don't have to pick your dress!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Just explain that if you dress shop separately then you can at least have two excuses to have a glass of prosecco
Seriously, your bestie should understand, you can word things in a way she won't be upset

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

If she’s your best friend she’ll understand. As others have said, explain that on that day you want it to be about her and you want a day about you. I’d tell me BF ‘look, I love you and I’m so excited to be doing this together, but I totally want the day I try on dresses to be about me. I know it sounds selfish but I’ve waited so long for this...’. My BF would probably turn around and say well actually, me too! Enjoy trying them on! Xx

Claire Newstead
Claire Newstead 4 Apr 2019

She's probably been waiting her whole life to plan hers too... Bit mean, tbh. I love that one of my friends is planning her do at the same time, we've been dress shopping together a few times and it's so fun because we have such different ideas and dreams etc. I'd be upset if my best friend said "No, I want it about me." You can go together and look it isn't going to hurt and then go seperately another time. As her best friend you should understand why she's so excited. If you find your dress in one shop your lucky. I went to about 5!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I would be honest with her, I'm sure she wont mind. Just remember that at your dress appt she might start rifling through the rails for her own dress while you're getting into yours

Rebecca Sullivan
Rebecca Sullivan 4 Apr 2019

Just talk to her ... your good friends shouldn’t be a difficult conversation. If you both like the same things fine one gives it a bit of a twist ... if you like different things even better

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

You say u want to pe part of her planning and her part of yours but then you say you want to keep things separate... eh??? thats a bit of a contradiction, which is it as it can't be both.?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

Well you can't have it both ways! It's really silly to visit dress shops together but only one of you is allowed to look at dresses, then you come back another day and only the OTHER bride is allowed to look at dresses...sounds like you're focusing on wanting all the attention rather than just enjoying getting married

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

I went with my friend and soon to be sister in law and we both tried dresses on and it was fun. I wasn't really looking as I'd already bought mine but felt I'd missed out on doing the big shop spree. We took no-one else and had a ball. I'm happy that I choose mine previously and no regreys and she is still looking. We both get married this year. Keep an open mind, it a long process xxx

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