UKbride Member Request 29 Mar 2019


Hi, Wondering if anyone can help! I've got my self in a situation... So i invited a child hood friend who i said could bring a plus one because she wont know anyone and i wont be free all the time as its my wedding day. Anyway as im paying per head and I've got to pay soon she has told me shes not bringing anyone just herself and then today said she might not come she will let me know but I've explained i need to know ASAP. Still nothing, but it's going to cost me and I've got to put her food order in but i dont want to if she's not going to show?? What do i do?

UKbride Member 31 Mar 2019

Could you ask for her food order and explain it needs to be submitted by a particular time. Say you understand why she may feel uneasy for coming but if you don't get a confirmed you will have to put her as a no due to cost. Or do u have an evening guest you can bump up if she says no nearer the time?

Maria  Bywater
Maria Bywater 1 Apr 2019

It is difficult but I am sure people will not turn up on the day. It kinda sucks but I'm taking the stance that I invited and I allocated for that many. Yes it may be a little irritating if they dont show but I'm not actually losing anything really if o was going to pay for that anyway. So I'm thinking (as mine is in 2 weeks) that if anyone does show and hasn't told me then I haven't really lost anything n I'm sure some other hungry/drunken people will eat their food. Otherwise it's more stress on you. I wont fall out with people over it just taking it in my stride

Laura Shergold
Laura Shergold 1 Apr 2019

When’s the wedding? We’ve been able to give our numbers but can add anyone on a few days before. Could you do this so not to risk paying for her now x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

I’d just tell her she has two days to decide and that you hate to put a clock on it but they need final numbers and her order. If she hasn’t got back to you then go ahead without her and if she later comes back saying she can go say you had to move her to the evening as your numbers are in. She may have stuff going on etc. If she isn’t particularly a close friend then I wouldn’t worry so much xx

Rachel Doxey
Rachel Doxey 1 Apr 2019

My advice would be to tell her you need to know . Explain that you understand that she may not feel comfortable but I’m sure your other friends are lovely. Explain you want her there but if she can’t let you know this will be a problem and unfortunately she won’t be able to come and if she doesn’t get back to you in a day or too just send her a text saying that unfortunately there won’t be space at the meal for her . I know it sounds harsh but the reality is you are paying and if she decides to not turn up there’s a meal no ones going to eat and it taken up a space

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Give her a date that you have to know by and tell her if she hasn't confirmed by then you have to assume she can't make it but if she then wants first dibs and any drop outs she can have that

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

I would give her a deadline and say I'm sorry but if I don't hear back by this date I'm going to have to cancel your place. If she's uncomfortable to attend the day ceremony why don't u tell her she's still more than welcome to attend the reception with a friend? X

Kayleigh E Alman
Kayleigh E Alman 1 Apr 2019

Tell her she has till a certain date to get the rsvp’s back and if you don’t get them back by the date she can’t come x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Hate to tell you this but you will have a few drop out even after you have paid!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Tell her final numbers have to be in my x date so if she’s not told you by then you will assume she’s not coming x

Sara Pearson
Sara Pearson 1 Apr 2019

Tell her if she doesn't let you know by the date to brogn a sandwich and a lawn chair 😂

Kathy Deane
Kathy Deane 1 Apr 2019

If it's a day and night, bump up 2 guests to the day and tell your mate not to worry, come in the evening with a mate if she would like to celebrate with you. X

Rebecca Bradley
Rebecca Bradley 1 Apr 2019

politely message say i need rsvps by today/next week etc or i’m sorry u can’t come u have to be firm or if u have her on social media put a general meme about RSVPing

A member uploaded image

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

We had friends say they were coming to our wedding didn't turn up they cost us a fortune. I don't consider them friends anymore

Keisha Hull
Keisha Hull 1 Apr 2019

Be firm with her. If she's unsure or doesn't tell you in time then don't pay for her and tell her it's too late . If she happens to turn up after that then you'll just have to tell her she has to come back after the dinner. It's your day and you're money and you've had the courtesy to invite her. People should be more worried about making you happy and being helpful to you on your day then you for them.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Some places will charge per head but then they will have spares just incase of slip ups etc
Think it depends on the type of food too.
Think even the photographer got fed but we didn’t pay any extra

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Tell a date before the actual date so if she leaves it then sends you it she’ hasn’t actually messed you up

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Pressure her to tell you

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Hi. I've be helped plan 3 weddings over the last 5 years. I have to say this is probably the most pain in butt bit of all. By wedding 3 it was simply a case of messaging anyone who hadn't rsvp'd 48hrs b4 final numbers were to be given. Then if we'd heard nothing then they weren't catered for.

.Melanie Brice
.Melanie Brice 1 Apr 2019

Ask her for an answer before the day is out

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

Ring her ask again, and say I need an answer now, it’s not a case of if I feel like it I will go if not I won’t, maybe just say I will have to take you off day list invite and just come to the evening if you can make it. Orrr just don’t get in touch with her again, and if she gets in touch when it’s to late just say tough, I told you I needed to know, you didn’t let me know so I took it that you wasn’t coming, didn’t want to put pressure on you. I know I’d go with the last option you’ve got enough to sort without chasing people for an answer to your invite. X

Katie Pearson
Katie Pearson 1 Apr 2019

Rsvp dates are there for a reason.

Contact and tell her she needs to tell you now if going. If she doesn't know then tell her alternatively she can come to evening instead that way there is no pressure for the day.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

If it's just her that hasn't RSVP'ed I'd be tempted to just pay it

Sarah Sharpe
Sarah Sharpe 1 Apr 2019

Be ready for people to cancel, it's a pain and yes costs you, but that's life. I had 6 no shows at mine all cancelled the night before and the morning of. The venue will be used to it, they will find room for one more at short notice, so I wouldn't pay for her xx

Hayley Wright-Mitchell
Hayley Wright-Mitchell 1 Apr 2019

I’d say don’t pay for her. You snooze, you lose.. Sounds heartless but it’s reality. You have so many other things to stress about, that doesn’t need to be one of them.

Bec Alex
Bec Alex 1 Apr 2019

I wouldn’t place an order unless she’s confirmed and even then I would worry she is going to drop out last minute rather than come a line despite you offering a plus one xx venues can probably rustle up an extra one or two meals if any extras turn up and could charge you afterwards which would be better for you

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Apr 2019

We had people drop out on the day but I’d managed to fill their space by making a night guest then day! We did have others drop out on the day as well. I personally wouldn’t count for her if she can’t give you an answer! Surly she knows if she wants to go or not?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Put your numbers in as they are - most venues are happy to add on at a later date ....


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