UK
UKbride Member Request 17 Jul 2018

Hi all - I am getting married in October and this will be my second wedding....

Hi all - I am getting married in October and this will be my second wedding. My sister was my only bridesmaid at my last wedding and was a reluctant bridesmaid at best. She didn't help with any of the wedding plans (not that we really asked), didn't come dress shopping, didn't organise the hen do and threatened at least twice to not be my bridesmaid at all. On the actual day she got ready with me, helped me dress etc. and did get quite emotional during the ceremony but she never said she was happy to be my bridesmaid and was certainly never enthusiastic about it. When my fiance and I announced our engagement she said not to expect her to be a bridesmaid again. I took her at her word and asked two of my friends who live near me (my family live 300 miles away). The experience couldn't be more different - my bridesmaids have been dress shopping, accessories shopping, bridesmaids dress shopping and are planning my hen do to take the stress away from me. We are having our hair and makeup done on the day and are already planning nibbles and prosecco in the morning. They are thrilled to be part of our day and keep saying they won't let me down. My fiance and I recently sent out our invitations and it has transpired (via my Mum) that my sister is a little bit upset because she wasn't invited to be a bridesmaid. My Mum pointed out that she had said she didn't want to be a bridesmaid but she has said she was only joking and it was a throwaway remark! I am completely agog - after practically dragging her down the aisle kicking and screaming last time I never dreamed that she would want to be my bridesmaid again. I feel really bad about this but what can I do at this stage? I have no idea how to make this better so any suggestions would be very welcome. Thank you.

22 Comments
UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

Its not too late to include her. x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

She doesn't have to be a bridesmaid. She can be a witness.

Suzanne Hunton
Suzanne Hunton 18 Jul 2018

Is she 8?

hannah foster
hannah foster 18 Jul 2018

Stuff that. You know what it was like the first time so don't put yourself through it again! Leave her be, it's on her, she might realise and learn not to make such comments in future, she can't be mad at you because she said it and let's be fair after months of planning she now expects to be bridesmaid? At the end when most stuff has been sorted, why did she not bring this up before? Keep your friends and have fun with it not get dragged down xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

I would explain something along the lines of not wanting to replicate your first wedding as it might feel a bit weird, but maybe involve her in a different way (could she be a witness or do a reading?).

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

Tell her to pick her toys up off the floor and grow up! She made it perfectly clear she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid so that was her choice!

Sarah Pollard
Sarah Pollard 18 Jul 2018

Give her another role .....let her do a reading , be a witness , or if she can sing let her sing a song ....if she can in tune ....
But yes keep to your bridesmaids already chosen ..... Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

Honestly, I would give her a ring and explain why you didn't ask her this time but that it wasn't done out of spite you thought you was going with her wishes. If you are happy for her to be a bridesmaid again then maybe ask if she would like to take part this time? If not find her another job or just leave it at the explanation

Shannon Turner
Shannon Turner 18 Jul 2018

Do absolutely nothing, she shouldn’t have made a remark like that after being so dreadful first time around and expect you to know it wasn’t serious!! Why on earth would you want to include her after the hassle she caused you last time?!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

My wedding ended in disaster i had no say in anythink my sister took over from wedding breakfast where people sat top table and she also said she would look after my kids i ended up doing that so i couldnt enjoy my big day my oldest sistet was my bridesmaid she helped me out of my dress on the loo and helped me soo much on my day couldnt thank her enough me and my hubby a renewing our vows abroad in 5/6 years time and not having any family members as bridesmaid or maid of honour never again your day not hers do what you want not what she moaning at its her fault she made that comment not you xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

I wouldn't make her a bridesmaid. No way! She messed up the first time AND said she didn't want to be your, aka her SISTER'S, bridesmaid again! Actions speak louder than words but in her case her actions and words match and spoke loud and clear.
If it were me she wouldn't even get close to being a bridesmaid again.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

I am getting married in February and it is also my 2nd wedding. I had my 2 sisters as bridesmaids at my first but haven't asked them this time. It has nothing to do with them not being supportive or any good the first time, just that I want my 2nd wedding to be completely different to my first one. They both understand this and have no issues. They are still super excited and have shown lots of interest in all the planning. I think your sister needs to grow up and realise it's your day not hers.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

You don’t have to do anything or explain your reasons. She said herself not to ask you so what did she expect you to do? She’s clearly put out for not being on the inside circle but she had the chance the first time and didn’t bother. I’m glad your friends are taking their roles more seriously than she did. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jul 2018

Its your wedding. You can have who ever you want to be your bridesmaids.
She should be happy you have even invited her to this wedding. Don’t let it get you down.
Good luck xx

Emma Young
Emma Young 18 Jul 2018

Give her a call and explain why you didn’t ask her. Then perhaps include her in the wedding somehow? Xxx

Kim Domican
Kim Domican 18 Jul 2018

It's not her god given right. She's had her time. Now enjoy this time without her and enjoy the positivity of the Team Bride you've chosen. Have a wonderful wedding day xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 19 Jul 2018

Say what you mean and mean what you say. You’re not a mind reader. She’ll get over it I’m sure.

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 19 Jul 2018

I’d leave her to it she’ll soon get over it! From the sounds of it she didn’t enjoy it the first time round so why would you want her to be a bridesmaids again? I’d leave her as a guest, just because she’s your sister doesn’t give her an automatic right to be a bridesmaid or have any other sort or ‘special role’

Sonia Overfield
Sonia Overfield 21 Jul 2018

I asked my sister to do a reading instead As we’re not really close this was a good compromiz to and went down well

Charlotte Ward
Charlotte Ward 21 Jul 2018

Speak to your sister in person, not through your mum.. it's not her right to be bridesmaid an dishes already done it once.. give her another job as others have said..

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

She could be a witness? But to be honest it’s your day and you don’t have to change anything about it to accommodate her.. she did say she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid again... so you didn’t ask her to be. Don’t let it stress you out! Xx

Dina Gregory
Dina Gregory 28 Jul 2018

i have 5 sisters two i've never met one we dont speak and the other two im closest with im only having one of them thats because the other one said she dont want to be a bridesmaid and not to ask her so i never did and like a sister should she isn't moaning she isn't a bridesmaid and ive got her daughter as one of my flower girls is her daughter it shows she isn't bitter. your sister is being bitter for something that isnt your fault its tough luck now x

Comment

Before we add your comment, please: log in to an existing UKbride account or join UKbride
Why Join?