My H2B has asked his group of friends to be ushers. His bestman has told us one of the ushers has been very negative about the whole wedding and is point blank refusing to go or be involved in the stag (it's not even been planned yet so he doesnt even know what it entails!). Without any fall out how does my H2B approach this and get him to stand down?
Hi I would tell him that he will have to come as a guest :)
By the sounds of it the man will happily stand down, just be upfront about it
Rather rhan aiming for no fall-out, anticipate *some* fall-out and brace yourselves for it; ask if it's a friendship worth keeping, have a couple of your best friends to run interference if you need them to, and keep telling yourselves he can only be as damaging as you let him. He'll either sulk off or come back round and you can decide if you want him back - and in the meantime celebrate with the people who actively want to be there.
Why has everyone got to be so involved it might not be his thing and it’s very he said she said it could be a throw away comment and has be exaggerated or taken out of context, not every one will be as excited as us brides, ask him if he’d rather not be involved so much , better to ask yourself I think
Hasn't he already? Xx
"If you don't want to that's completely fine and we understand..."
Works really well in situations like this. It's better than being negative and putting someone completely on the spot and eradicating them from your lives completely.
Just send him an invite and don't mention anything else about being an usher, he will either get the message or ask why he is not involved. Or is the best man stirring the pot for some reason.