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UKbride Member Request 15 Jun 2018

Whats everyone’s thoughts on getting married whilst living with parents?...

Whats everyone’s thoughts on getting married whilst living with parents? Me and my partner are in our 20s and live with my mum. We have been together 8 years and engaged for 4, I was adamant we would get a mortgage then save for a wedding however this seems unrealistic the more we think about it, so now wanting to marry first then save for a mortgage. My parents are both in their 60s so are not spring chickens and I wouldn’t want to get married whilst one is no longer here. We aren’t planning on doing this for a few years but I feel like we will be judged. I know I shouldn’t care what people think or say but we don’t really know anyone that has done this. Thanks

47 Comments
Susan Coleclough
Susan Coleclough 17 Jun 2018

If you go back a few generations you will find that it was quite usual for young people to start out married life whilst living with one or other set of parents. We can't all have everything and personally (being early 60's myself) I would rather see my children in a committed relationship (read married) than worrying about them living with me. (I would find it difficult to have my kids living with me but you already are doing that and it must work OK). I completely 'get' you not wanting to marry when they are gone so IMHO you should do it. The mortgage can wait ... Lives can't.

Shakira Badwal
Shakira Badwal 18 Jun 2018

I would personally concentrate on having my own property first. House prices are increasing so therefore you will need a higher amount for a deposit. The money you would spend on a wedding could potentially enable you to purchase a house sooner at a cheaper rate.

Beckie Louise
Beckie Louise 18 Jun 2018

My friends got married whilst living with parents then about 18 months later had enough of a deposit to buy their own property. Worked out quite well actually

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

We made the choice to buy a house first as in all honesty it was a bigger commitment and a better investment of our money. We will have been in the house 2 years and getting married in July. For me, i would prefer to have something to show for my money first as opposed to using it on one day and with the help to buy scheme meaning you only need 5% deposit it was a lot easier. However this was what was right for us and we had never intended on spending tens of thousands on a wedding as we always thought it was pointless but everyone is different in what is right for them xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

It’s a tough one. I would have liked to have my own home first but we simply wouldn’t be able to afford a wedding for many years if we did get a house first so we’re getting married first on a budget and then getting our home. X

Sarah Hall
Sarah Hall 18 Jun 2018

My daughter got married in December they live with us whilst saving for a house works out well for them should be able to get there home in the next 12 months . Once you get a house you can't afford the wedding you want plus wedding presents are good for getting a lot of items for your new home they have got most of it now.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

If your are not bothered about a super expensive wedding you can get brilliant deals...look for cancelled weddings too and last minutes. Then go on a cheap honeymoon and use your wedding presents as a house deposit. My sister for 4 grand in wedding presents...they used it all for a honeymoon. We rent and will be using it on a house deposit. Xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

It was always most important to me that my parents were there when I got married so to me a mortgage will wait and stuff opinions ️

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

I was already living with my now husband. My parents and ourselves sold both houses and bought one big one for all of us. We got married after this. Quite a few of my neighbours have parents living with them. More and more people are living with their parents now so it is not unusual. You do what is best for you and if that is living with your parents and getting married then go for it.

Amy Eager
Amy Eager 18 Jun 2018

We're renting. We would love to have a house before the wedding. But I want to get married before we have children. We are very lucky that we have a great landlord and we can stay here until we are ready to buy a house. Life if for living in our eyes 🙂

Amy Rolfe
Amy Rolfe 18 Jun 2018

We are getting married in October and are moving in with my parents next week. To get a decent deposit you could be waiting a long time! £50,000 isn’t even enough in my area for a small flat but our wedding is costing about £5000, which is clearly an easier goal to reaching

Sharon  Fowles
Sharon Fowles 18 Jun 2018

I'd get married first.. Wish i had the chance to have our loved 1s there if only i had met my fiance sooner...

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Don't do it! We got married when we lived with my dad.. there's nothing worse than going on your honeymoon and coming back home to your dad! Don't get me wrong my dad is epic but it's just weird

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

It's so easy to go over board on weddings and before you know it you've spent £10,000 plus on one day and when you look back you may wish you kept that money for a house. I know many people who go married before buying a house and now wished they bought a house first because they have children and are living in rented accom or with parents which isn't always ideal. You have to do what means more to you but I would say a house is a bigger commitment then getting married

Louise James
Louise James 18 Jun 2018

We're staying with my parents for a while. If we'd got a mortgage straight away we wouldn't have been able to save up for the wedding- we're also students so money is tight! We get married in 3 weeks and I've worked out that we should have enough for a deposit this time next year. It'll be worth the wait and who cares what other people think 😊

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Me and my partner got a house together before getting married and we don't regret it but it did make saving for the wedding a lot harder and longer! We'd save some money then the roof would leak or the car would break down! We're finally getting married this year but out of personal experience I'd advise getting married first! I wanted to get married before my grandparents passed away but unfortunately due to our financial situation and housing commitments we weren't able to. If you ask for money as wedding presents it could help you with buying a house.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

I think it depends on personal circumstances, there's no "right" way, my husband and I fell pregnant, moved out, after 3 years decided we should buy our own home so went to live with my mum, not long before getting engaged, we would never have had got married first, we were living there to save for our house, for our future but we booked our wedding whilst still living there, we bought our house in October 2016 and got married September 2017, we didn't spend 20k on the wedding, we did it for under 5 and had everything we wanted! X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

I would buy your own home first... live together as a couple without others around, and then decide if marriage is the right thing.
I’m so glad we bought our first home before we got married because it allowed us 1. Make sure it was the right thing... and 2. to remortgage, at a lower cost for us each month and take out equity to pay for the wedding. Not only that in the 6 months we’ve been repaying our mortgage from when we remortgaged, we’ve paid back half of the equity we took out which means by the end of the year we would have had our own house for 4 years, married, had 3 children and owe less on our house than we started with originally - which for us is great because we are moving house and due to house prices going up we’ve made money!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

I got married in sept 2016 and We are just going through the motions of buying our first home now! If we had bought our home first i would be spending money on doing up the house and wedding would be out of the question! So we married first and rented until we could buy x

Olivia Cochrane
Olivia Cochrane 18 Jun 2018

I’m 21, living with my fiancé’s parents and getting married in a few weeks now! We have realised how easy it is to blow a budget for a wedding, but we don’t mind that we will have to rent first and move out after we are married. Traditionally people buy gifts that kit out a house (especially if you tailor a gift list)- so the furnishings aren’t a huge issue!
I think it depends on what you consider most important to you immediately, and how comfortable your fiancé is with living with your family! If they are so close that they might as well be relatives already, then get married before moving out- what’s the rush?
Most people have to rent first now anyway. Nobody will judge you whichever way you decide to do it, so do what makes you most excited first! Good luck and congratulations!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Buy your house first, I've been with my partner 7 years and we have a four year old and one on the way and as much as we would like to get married it's not the most important thing to us. We bought a house 18 months ago and we have been renovating it and still have lots to do but a roof over our children's heads is far more important than being married. Were planning on a wedding in Greece in 2021 . I've had so many friends say they wish they had waited to marry or had a cheaper day and paid off money on the mortgages or bought a house

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Just get married if that's what u both won't everything else will eventually fall into place I'm sure .don't put it off to long cause u will keep finding excuses not to xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Me and my husband live with my parents and no one has said a word 🤷‍️ easiest way to save up and have the wedding that you want!

Holly Thompson
Holly Thompson 18 Jun 2018

We are getting married in May 2019 and we still live with my parents as we are also saving for a house.

Alice Hearn
Alice Hearn 18 Jun 2018

Definitely consider getting a house first, its getting harder and harder to get on the property ladder. We saved for a couple of years, bought our house and will be getting married this year, 3 years after buying our house so it's doable. Buying our house was one of the best things we've done.

Michelle Palmer
Michelle Palmer 18 Jun 2018

Save money for the wedding and for a house, prioritise the wedding.

Then as a wedding gift ask for money towards your new house. Win win? X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Go for it I say. Me and my partner have been together 10 years. Engaged 5 and living with my parents. Just got married in may and now saving for a mortgage . Only way possible to have what we wanted ️

Gabriella Kerr-Gordon
Gabriella Kerr-Gordon 18 Jun 2018

Me and my partner live with my parents and in our mid 20s everyone told us to do the mortgage 1st but we decided to save for our wedding instead. Its a hard choice but after speaking to a mortgage adviser based on the rate we would be offered we wouldnt be able to afford to property we would want anyway. Living with my parents has its ups and downs but its working out so far for the most part. It all depends on your circumstances dont let anyone tell you which is the right thing to do only you know what you can do and what you can afford.

Amy Guest
Amy Guest 18 Jun 2018

Me and my partner are planning are wedding for next August and we live with my Nan mom and brother also have a 7month old ourselves and we found it is easier getting married before saving for a mortgage do what is best for use don’t matter what anyone else thinks 🙂 x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

My parents both died in their 50s. Now getting married feels totally weird to think of without having them there. So much so that any wedding plans I was making I’m not even considering now. I’d say don’t wait to get married. Do it now and have your perfect day. Houses will come eventually x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

I'm 19 and getting married next year. We live with my parents and they would never have it any other way. We are both students so it allows us to focus on saving but still do all of the things that we enjoy. Don't listen to other people, it's the best situation you can be in!

Kate Phillips
Kate Phillips 18 Jun 2018

House first 100%

Abbey Lawson
Abbey Lawson 18 Jun 2018

We bought our house first.. we've been together 9 years and got engaged last year. It might be an easier goal but costs on a wedding can run up without you noticing.. it might take a while but I think it's definitely worth saving up for a house first.. just my opinion.. there's really no rush to get married if you're spending your whole life together.. xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Me and my husband decided to get married before buying a house because my dad is in his 80s so we wanted him to be there. We also got married abroad which was a lot cheaper than doing it here. The way I see it houses will always be there but my dad won't be.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

We moved into my parents house a few weeks after our wedding so we could save for a deposit. After a year or so we were able to buy our lovely home. Getting on the property ladder is hard, don't stress about getting married before buying!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

I think your being sensible and from some one who’s parents are very un well! Do it, you can’t save for memories xxx

Devan Cresswell
Devan Cresswell 18 Jun 2018

This is what I’m doing, me and my oh live with my parents and are planning on getting married in 2020, while we will save for both wedding and house, with a baby on the way it’s likely we will all be here till after the wedding

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

I’ve been married for almost 3yrs Oct 23 and we live with my husbands mum and my son and we have another on the way. We got together in Oct 2010 Engaged Aug2012 and First Child May 2015 Got Married Oct 23 2015 we’ve been together for a long time and waiting for Nov 2018 for No2. But the Mil didn’t want to live alone and she wanted us to live with her so we are. Xxx

Emily Dawe
Emily Dawe 18 Jun 2018

Me and my fiancee are in our 20's and also in the same boat as you. I've kind of decided to do a small wedding (reg office) and a big party/reception. Keeping costs down means we can look forward to moving out together sooner. I don't care which comes first though!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

After getting married me and my partner moved in with my parents to save for a deposit. As hard as it is, you’ll find you can save a lot easier and end up really appreciating it when you have a house of your own. We’re due to move into our house any time now (new build so just waiting on finishing touches), it’s definitely worth it, people will say a lot and think even more, but at the end of the day if it makes your life easier and you get where you need to be in the end it doesn’t really matter about them good luck with everything!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Jun 2018

Who cares if you are judged. If you are happy that’s all that matters. Conforming to what society say is normal just isn’t needed. If you and your h2b are happy and your parents are happy then go for it! We lived with my parents and loved it. Only reason we moved out before we got married is because we saw a great house at a price we couldn’t knock back. Otherwise we genuinely would have been there until after our wedding. Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 19 Jun 2018

We get married in 5 weeks and live with my mum and will continue to do so as i am her carer. As long as you 2 and your parents dont mind you living with them then there is no problem xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 19 Jun 2018

Wayne Smith

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 19 Jun 2018

I would personally move in together first, you should be going into it thinking about the marriage and not just the wedding. My opinion would be move in together, establish yourselves a bit first, build your own life and then get married...think about the marriage as a whole and dont just focus on the wedding day as that's a small part of it. But as you've said it doesnt matter what other people think so if its what you want then go for it

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jun 2018

Congratulations you
Two love

Mel Ive
Mel Ive 20 Jun 2018

Myself and my h2b live with my dad and it great - mainly as the 2 of them get on so well due to sport! My dad's 76 and my mum is in a nursing home so we are getting married next year. If we waited to get a house we'd never afford it on our wages around where we live!

Emma Nelson-Bailey
Emma Nelson-Bailey 24 Jun 2018

We ar marrying first and staying in my parents house. It is tough, but whilst my partner trains for a new job, it will be easier for us to wed first then once he is earning can start really saving for a property. You need to do what is best for you. Each persons situation is different so all have merit. Good luck. x

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