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UKbride Member Request 6 Mar 2018

Hi I was wondering if you could post this question to your Facebook page...

Hi I was wondering if you could post this question to your Facebook page anonymously. Thank you. We have three months to go and had nothing but stress from my side(the bride) my parents have invited people we don't want there, they've offered to pay for them but it's not about the money it's more about who we wanted to spend our special day with. They are not close family but distant relatives. My MOH has done nothing to help me, just gives me excuses all time, and i have given her chance after chance, my other friend who is also my boss has ended up planning it on fear that no one would do anything for me, which of course I'm grateful of. I chose a bridesmaids dress for all 6 bridesmaids and my MOH didn't want to wear it, I relented, we chose a few together and sent back all of them ,when she finally picked one she picked the first original one id chose, when questioned about that she just shrugged it off...so now all my bridesmaids are wearing different dresses...on top of all of this my aunty has sent me a horrible message saying I should invite her grandkids and she's disappointed in me that I haven't. I have no relationship with their grandkids, they don't even know who I am and me and HTB decided we didn't want any children at our wedding. She's now trying to emotionally blackmail me into inviting the kids and even saying her and my uncle won't come if we don't! There are 25 other children not invited. Sorry for the lengthly post, I'm not a horrible person and have let people chose a lot of things for our wedding already and undermine my choices and i have had enough. It's completely taking the fun out of our wedding. I. So excited to mardy my fiancè but I don't think I should be having this many problems

56 Comments
UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Don't let them dictate to you who you should be inviting, stand your ground and have who you want there, if they don't come because of it that's their loss! Also your moh is clearly jealous, have a word x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Remember it is your wedding!

We annoyed my parents by not inviting children but In the end they got over it! And my day was exactly as my husband an I wanted it.

Let it go over your head.

I have to say I was very lucky and my BMs were all amazing! But I can imagine it being stressful!

I’m currently helping my friend with her wedding as her BMs haven’t been great and I know she appreciates my help!

I can assure you after the wedding it will seem like such a tiny thing.

You will have the best day and you’re marrying the one person you want to spend your life with.

Good luck with the rest of your planning xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Oh my goodness lady, time to put your foot down. It's YOUR day no one else's. If your mum and dad don't like it TOUGH. if your aunt and uncle don't like it.... that is also TOUGH. I'm having who I want, people who have been in my life, who I see staying in my life. I also see it as whoever turns up, awesome, whoever doesn't also awesome. This day is about you and your partner giving yourselves to each other. No one else's opinions matter x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

I would tell your parents you don’t want those people they’ve invited to come and there’s no room for them.
I wouldn’t worry about bridesmaids wearing different dresses, it will look nice on the day.
If your aunty doesn’t want to come if her kids can’t then that’s her decision, you have every right to not invite children it’s your decision and your wedding.
Try not to let it get you down, it’s your day and you should have it how you want and not made to feel guilty about anything x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

At the end of the day its yours and your hubbys day if there people you dont want there stick to ur heart and say no x i get married in august and so far im way behind on everything but trying not to worry x there alot of people i havent invited simply because i dnt speak to them and hardly dnt know them x as for ur MOH my best friend is always there for me when i need her but if she was arsey about what she had to wear and never helped or gave advice i wouldnt have her part of the wedding x its stressfull enough to make ur day perfect without the hassle of trying to please other people x

Hayley Parsons
Hayley Parsons 7 Mar 2018

If your Aunt is the sort of person to blackmail you, you don't need people like that in your life! Your day, your choices especially if you don't even know them!! As for your MOH, some people are just fussy, I'd arrange a time for you and your maids/bridal party to get together ...an evening get together or something with some wine and nibbles so you can sit and have a chat about wedding stuff, people that make excuses or cancel for stupid reasons repeatedly would be getting 'demoted' if it were me! It's your wedding, and a big deal for you, people asked to be a BM or MOH etc accept on the understanding that they will be required to help out with stuff, be available to meet up, dress fitting etc etc etc. If they arent prepared to, they can't be part of it. Simple! Hope you get it sorted x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

You poor woman!! I am coming to the conclusion that weddings are a time that you see people’s true colours. Personally, I’m pretty blunt, and I won’t be emotionally blackmailed or bullied into inviting people I don’t want to my wedding. I don’t think anyone should. It’s not an open invitation event, it’s personal. And it shouldn’t matter to any of your guests who else is invited, they should want to be there for YOU! I don’t get this whole crap of family wanting other people there. It’s not about them, and a bit of perspective won’t hurt them.
Good luck with it though. I think in your situation I’d run off to a registry office with two witnesses and have done with it. X

Sarah Pollard
Sarah Pollard 7 Mar 2018

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time as it does make you end up feeling fragile , ask your husband to be to explain the no children rule to your family is across the board & not personal = with him being not related he will do it objectively as I get it that when we are involved our family emotional crumple button happens to undo us and we melt on the floor .....
Please don't worry about bridesmaids dresses not being all the same , it's actually on trend & can end up looking wonderful .... My bridesmaids dresses were all different & I also gave them the choice if they wanted to their ankle or to their knee in the hopes they could wear them again in the future .... So they were all different lengths too .
But they worked as I ensured their flower bouquets were all the same so they tied in beautifully together ....
Warm wishes for your special day ....all these bits and bobs all melt away on the day ... Because as long as your other half turns up on the day it is really about you two marrying each other & everything else fades away .......
Take care , love Sarah x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Wow! It's yours & your partners day no one else's, you should be in charge of everything. Dont let people push you into anything

Amy Carr
Amy Carr 7 Mar 2018

Traditionally you are only meant to invite people you have seen in the last 12 months! Honestly sweet lady please don't let them push you around. You and your husband will only do this once you don't want to look back on the day wishing you had done it differently. Xxx

Miriam Nicholas
Miriam Nicholas 7 Mar 2018

All I can do is wish you good luck. You and your fiance have to be united and stand for what you want from this special day. People will get over it!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

You poor thing. Your family are thinking of other relatives before being respectful of what you want for YOUR wedding. I would personally make your boss friend your MOH. And as for your auntie well I would tell her that she’s invited and you’d love her to be there but if she doesn’t respect your wishes on other guests then don’t come. You sound like a person who likes to please others and that’s such a lovely quality to have but this is your one day to do things your way and for you and your H2B things have YOUR perfect day. Be strong, put your foot down and have your perfect wedding that’s right for you not what’s right for everyone else xx

Siobhan Knight-Potgieter
Siobhan Knight-Potgieter 7 Mar 2018

Tell your parents no it’s not their day.

Dump your MOH she is obviously not the best person for the job.

Tell your aunt if she wants to be that petty then don’t bother coming.

Lastly, personally I would make everything that’s going on public to your bridesmaid and groom and ask for them to give you some assistance.

Kayleigh E Alman
Kayleigh E Alman 7 Mar 2018

It’s your wedding. Put your foot down! My in laws to be haven’t helped and said they won’t. They always change the subject when we mention weddings it’s bloody annoying but my fiancée has said just carry on, she’ll have to face the fact we are getting married whether she likes it or not. My daughters christening she invited people we didn’t even know or who were coming because she didn’t tell us! It make me look so stupid when the venue at the after party couldn’t fit them all in! I only said 40 we’re going, it needed up being 70 because of the people she invited! I was fuming! So this time if they’re not on the guest list at the venue they’re not coming in. Simple 😂 my parents have been amazing on the other hand, and are paying for literally everything, I couldn’t fault it. They don’t go by what they want, they ask what we want! Just put your foot down, it’s your day no one else’s x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Hun we had oh mother say if we didn’t have his nieces as bridesmaids, she might not come to the wedding, we stuck to our guns n told her attending was her choice .... in the end they didn’t even get an invitation because of other things that happened,
Tell auntie your NOT inviting ANY children and it’s totally up to her if she choices to attend .

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

It's u and ur HTB day. Don't be bullied or dictated to.. if it's no kids it's no kids. Politely tell ur Aunt this and say it's not personal to her grandkids it's everyone's children... and if they can't make it due to this u will be sorry they won't be there to share ur day but u understand if they can't come. Stick to ur guns.. hope the day goes well.🥂

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Time to be (and forgive me) bridzilla. It is yours and your H2B's day. If your MoH has shown little interest is she is the right person to be in such a responsible role as your MoH? If you and your H2B don't want kids there, don't have them. If YOU and your H2B don't have a relationship with proposed guest don't have them. Those that want to be there and celebrate YOUR day, YOUR vows, and YOUR commitment to one another will be there and understand if you don't want kids there, (all of our guest with kids understand why we have said no kids). Good luck stand your ground together.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Sounds an absolute nightmare hun. I'd be tempted to say to them all, pack it in or we will just goto Gretna green alone, at least then we will get the day we want. Sometimes you've gotta offend people, there's no way you'll satisfy everyone and if you did it becomes their day not yours. I've had to say to a few people, oh you want it that way? Great, remember it and you can have it at your own wedding, as for mine I'm doing it this way!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Your boss friend would be a better MOH than the one you have, pretend the boss friend has cancelled everything and ask for help from your MOH and if she doesn’t step up sack her!

Tell your aunt where to go! it’s your wedding put your foot down! Say no other kids are coming so why should hers and if she doesn’t come then don’t worry about it the people who love you most will be there on the day and you won’t even notice your aunt and uncle missing from the day.

Are your parents paying for some of the wedding? If not tell your parents this is who I want at my wedding this is the final list it’s my wedding not yours !

Just say NO! You don’t need a reason just say NO!

It’s Brideszilla time!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Your Day Your Way. Good luck , x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Put ur foot down it’s u and ur h2b day no one else don’t be blackmailed by anyone if there not there so what the people who love and care about you both will be there and won’t but any demands on you people that put demands on u and ur h2b are selfish and you don’t want then there runing ur day sounds to me they wouldn’t be happy on ur day anyway and the last thing you want yo do on ur day is be worring about them snd if they are having a good time. I speak from experince this happenend to me when i was planning my wedding i put my foot down stuck to my guns and u no what they weren’t missed on the day at all the people that were at our day were there for us not thenselves u only do it once don’t let sefish people spoil it for you both all the best hope u sorr it and have a fantastic day xx

Stacey Gill
Stacey Gill 7 Mar 2018

Wow I feel so blessed, I'm not 100% sure if any of my aunts or uncles are going to be invited but I sat down with them and explained it's going to be too many people as I have far too many relatives. They've all understood and are happy to attend the evening do. My future Mother is helping me design and sew the dress I want, she's also wanting to do my bouquet and the bridesmaids too. My MoH has been a MoH so many times in the past year she's had plenty of experience and I didn't JUST choose her because she's my best friend I also chose her because I kno she doesn't put up with anyone's shit. She'll put people in place. The only problem I've encountered at the moment regarding family is my two sister are my bridesmaids and they've fallen out, but they both promise to behave for the wedding which is all I can ask for.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Be strong . Tell.them your sending invites to only the ones you want at your wedding. And there wont be any children or people you dont know.
My son is getting married in September. I wouldn't dream.of inviting my friends or distant family.
Its his and his wtb choice of who they want on their day.
Ditch the moh too. She's isn't any good.
Tell the aunt to.do one.
Its your day.

Kay Franklin
Kay Franklin 7 Mar 2018

This is your ( and your h2b ) day and nothing or anyone else matters. You need to say how you feel. X

Emily Finch
Emily Finch 7 Mar 2018

it’s your wedding at the end of the day. if you choose not to invite children then your aunt should be respecting that. It’s your choices. Just don’t forget that!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

i would go away with my partner get married tell no one and just have a party when u get back or its your wedding only u and u partner choose everything no one else put on invites no kids allowed everybody does it now your moh and bridesmaids just say this is the dress i want yous to wear if any oof you dont want to wear it you can leave now you tell the aunty no kids allowed or just tell her its our wedding i say whos invited nobody else you write the invites out yourself no one else make this clear to your parents tell them not to invite anyone hope it helps good luck

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

I had a lot people refuse to come because we decided not to include any children! It’s your wedding and tell her she is more than welcome not to come. Also, invite who you want not who your parents think are best! I had invite someone to mine that I didn’t want there, she didn’t come anyway to worked out fine. Stick to your guns and as for your MOH, there is still time to devote her to a bridesmaid! Best of luck! I’m sure your day will be amazing! X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Don't invite the children end of. Just say you have both made the choice to not invite children to the day/night. Say its your wedding and your choice. Tell her if she has a problem and doesn't want to come, Say its her loss. I've realised that as long as me, my fiancé, our close families and friends I really couldn't care less. its your choice and your money!! You certainly don't look like a bad person, I can see your extremely stressed and trying to please as many people as possible. the key is you and your fiancé are the most important.

Danielle Ryde
Danielle Ryde 7 Mar 2018

It's ur day ur choice no one should be making u feel bad about anything sounds to me that people are playing u about

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Some people are so wrapped up in themselves they miss the bigger picture. Time to put your foot down I’m afraid.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

It's your wedding! Your wedding! If you don't want people there cause you don't know them or want them then tell your parents and aunt to do one! Wot a dam shame this should be an exciting time for you both not people making it miserable for you both!
Sack your MOH too get ur boss in the job lol. I feel gutted for you, be strong xx

Jenny Curran
Jenny Curran 7 Mar 2018

It’s your wedding have it the way you want it it’s yours and your soon to be husbands special day not anyone else’s

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Talk to your husband to be. Then the two of you talk to parents, aunty and anyone else causing you bother and say this is the way it is and please don't apologise for it just state. You've nothing to be sorry for. Tell them if they don't like it that's fine then don't come and give them a date 2 weeks later where they need to notify you of your final decision. Someone else has already said get your husband to be and your decent bridesmaid together tell them everything and get them to stand with you and do it. Good luck love x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Ok it’s YOUR wedding. Tell MOH to buck up or she’s out. Tell parents they are NOT invited. Tell aunt they are NOT invited. If they’ve already told people they are invited it’s their mess to sort. If anyone approaches you you say ‘unfortunately we were t able to include you in our day and xxx was wrong to invite you’. Leave it at that, no other explanation needed. If people won’t come because of a decision YOU make about YOUR wedding you don’t need them there. Make sure your boss gets a big mention on the day ( she deserves an all day invite/ promotion to wedding party) and if you can swing it a thank you present. Be strong.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this many problems!! Everyone causing you bother needs to be spoken to - it's your big day and it's strange that they are causing so much grief. I would happily put my foot down and tell them that's the way it is or don't come. Of they don't come then clearly they aren't worthy to be in your life. Your boss sounds like a lovely person! What a good friend she has been. Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

My diL got it right
Only invite those you would want to take out and buy a meal.for.
Only invite those your close to.and see regularly.
Only invite those YOU and h2n want there.
Just because they are family if you haven't had anything to.do with them.why invite them

Zoe Lloyd
Zoe Lloyd 7 Mar 2018

Ive seen alot of these posts lately 😑 its annoying that everyone seems to want to make your day about themselves. I've got to say, none of these people seem to care what you think or want so maybe you should repay the favour? If these people are causing you nothing but stress is it really worth involving them or talking to them at all? If your aunt wants to be that petty I say let her get on with it. You dont even need to be rude just say something like... im sorry you feel that way, but could you confirm if you will be attending or not so i know if i have space for 2 others. If they choose to be funny let them 😊

Sonia Overfield
Sonia Overfield 7 Mar 2018

I’m sorry u have had this experience but I would sack ur moh and replace her with the one that has helped u. And it’s up to you if you want children there or not so stand firm as for your mom inviting all and sundry to the wedding g tell her u only have space for five of them and that it’s your wedding and you are not close to the people she’s inviting and that u only wanted close family and friends

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

This is your Wedding stand your ground and say no!!! Who cares what they think! If they don’t come, hey ho it’s their loss! Try and step back and be firm so that you can enjoy the rest of the time before your big day, if you don’t stand firm your anxiety as it gets closer will get worse & worse. Good luck x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

It’s your wedding and it’s your choices. If people don’t like it then they can lump it!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Tell your moh she is no longer moh she should have wore what you picked in the first place it is YOUR wedding no one elses as for guests you yourself have not invited i would stand your ground and stick to saying no xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

It looks like most the comments above have given the best advice. My wedding is less than a month away and I know how you feel (just not as bad as yours!) I would say no to the people you don't want there because otherwise you would keep seeing them on the day and get annoyed about it. If people don't come because they are in a strop that is their problem and if you mean that much to them they will regret it in the future. Your wedding is close so if you wanted to sack your MOH be prepared for any backlash which you can probably do without right now but make sure your other friend feels appreciated. Most of all (and i know it really isn't easy) do what you want and what makes you and your fiancé happy, it is your day and no one else's. Congratulations and I hope you get the wedding you hope for

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

It’s a day about you and your fiancé. B*ll*cks to anyone else. You are perfectly entitled to tell them to just “go away”. Stick to what you and your fiancé want. Take a deep breath. It’ll be a beautiful day. It may not be the picture perfect dream you have had for years but it’ll be you and your fiancé and that lasts a lifetime.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Had this too! Such a shame that family causes such stress and upset when weddings should be a happy time. It's your wedding! It's not up to anyone else to make a decision about your wedding or who you should invite. If you only want to have close friends and family, that should be respected and stick to your guns.
Maybe speak to your MOH about how you're feeling and maybe suggest she steps down to bridesmaid. Good luck and just look forward to the day you marry your best friend!! It's not about the day, it's a celebration of the both of you and your future. People who love and care for you will be there for you. x

R Davies
R Davies 7 Mar 2018

Honestly ladies this isn't even the half of it....My maid of honour, has given loads of excuses not to even come to the hen, I never see her anymore and she lives across the road from me. My h2B has been an amazing support I can't fault him.. neither can I fault my boss who's been brilliant. I've told my aunty no, she then wrote a Facebook status about me. Enough is enough. The engagement wasn't what hubby had planned because family got involved, I've been trying to focus on why we're getting married but it's been hard. I've no support from anyone, except H2B and Boss. My other friend has told me she's pregnant, which is amazing but now I'm having to get her another dress as hers will no longer fit on the day. Our registra messed up and we're having to get married at 10.30am! I asked a family member for something borrowed, she's ended up buying me something, I'm not ungrateful but it isn't listening to me. All of this and more, while working a full time job and saving for a mortgage as well as the wedding. Thank you all so much for all your comments. It's made me feel less alone and that I'm not being unreasonable. I got engaged because I love my H2B and thought this would be the best time of my life. My parents have been great but dont always understand its our wedding. Ive spoke to my MOH a millions times and nothing has come of it. Always the same excuses and ive known her 24 years. I hope you all have a lovely day on your wedding days and ice really taken all of your comments on board, it's helped a lot. Thank you again for all your helpfull comments. It's really cheered me up! 😙

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

If family are going to emtionally blackmail you because you won't invite children you have no relationship with then they are not worth having at the wedding. As others have said it's thier choice to attend and if they decide to not come then that is thier decision and thier problem. Not yours. On a positive side it will be one/two less people to feed on the day and less drama. No doubt these people would make snide remarks all throughout the day. As for our MOH, I would sack her arse without thinking, I know it is all easier said than done but she is making this whole experiance more stressful than you need and she should be supporting you. Send her a message explaining how she has made you feel and if she responds with anything other than apologies and acknowledgment and dedication to putting things right then tell her she is no longer MOH and she will come as a guest only. She don't like it? Tough. With your parents it's thr same kinda thing, it's your wedding and it's up to you what happens and who you invite. They can not expect this even if they are offerring to pay but I'm all about principles so I understand why you want to refuse.
I am sorry this has all happened and it is such a shame that these people are ruining what should be a wonderful time and experiance. Stand your ground and make it clear. It's YOUR wedding and YOUR decisions are final. End of. Lots of love and stay strong xxxx

Claire Beresford
Claire Beresford 7 Mar 2018

Oh bless you that sounds exhausting with it all! Just try to remember this is your day and if they are so bothered about grandkids not coming then they aren't looking at the bigger picture and the fact it is to celebrate you and your new hubby.
I have chosen to have no children at our wedding more of a cost factor but everyone I've spoken to is happy to have the night off. Just try and stay strong...which I know is easier said than done! We're 4 months away now and I'm def feeling the pressure and have had a lot of dramas.
Don't let it get you down!!xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

Fuck them all ... run away to Vegas ,, or India or Skye , or where ever you want with who ever YOU want .. make it special for YOU and your future husband

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Mar 2018

You need to stand your ground. It may be hard but now is the time to do so or you will regret it. My colleague's MIL completely took over her wedding (inviting her own guests, booking the venue she wanted, even picking out the menu without the couple!) and she ended up disliking everything about the day (apart from her husband obv). It's your wedding and on the day you won't care if people are pissed that you didn't do things their way... as for your aunt.. if she really cared about your happiness then she wouldn't be blackmailing you. Dis-invite her... she won't be missed. Hope you sort everything out!

Jennifer Leigh
Jennifer Leigh 7 Mar 2018

Just remember its a once in a lifetime event and should be special for you and your h2b! So sad that people close to you are letting you down and not being more supportive! Hopefully things will sort themselves out, just try not to let it spoil your big day! I hope everything goes to plan and you have a truly fantastic wedding! Xxx

Rachael Penfold
Rachael Penfold 8 Mar 2018

It’s your day. To have there who you want. How you want it it’s your (hopefully) one day where it’s you and oh are to be the centre of attention. I would have just eloped, I’ve been thinking about slashing down on my guest list and just having a small event.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 Mar 2018

Tell your mum and everyone else if they keep on stressing you out you'll cancel it all and elope

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 Mar 2018

Ugh why do people seem to think that they can get extra people to a wedding as long as they pay for them! Money doesn't get you your own way! Or it shouldn't at least.

I'd kindly ask your MOH to step down
Tell your auntie to back off and if she doesn't want to come then don't!

It's your day, don't let other people make you feel like this, be the cow if you need to be!

Good luck xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Mar 2018

I had this with both sides of family, politely tell them to fuck off worked for me

Julia Sweetman
Julia Sweetman 9 Mar 2018

Tell your aunt it’s your wedding and your not inviting kids. I have had to not invite some relatives due to their kids. We have no kids at ours X

Caroline Larner
Caroline Larner 16 Mar 2018

It's your day so do what you and your fiance want. Constructive opinions are fine but making demands and forcing you to do things that you don't want to do are not! Be firm and state clearly that it is your day and you are having it your way. If people are so selfish as to try and bully you into acquiescing to their wishes then they have no place celebrating with you.

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