UKbride Member Request 14 Feb 2018

Not quite wedding related, bit I need advice all the same. I have recently...

Not quite wedding related, bit I need advice all the same. I have recently gotten engaged and it's awesome, bit what it's really upsetting me is the realisation I have no close friends to share it with. I suffer from social anxiety and find it so hard to not only make friends but keep them. I have no idea who I would even ask to be bridesmaid, and having a hen do would be fairly pointless on my own. I have no sisters. It's really staring to get me down as my other half is having a great time planning his stag do with the guys. I would so love to make friends, but don't know where to start. It's really starting to get me down and I don't have any girly friends to share all my exciting plans with. Sorry for the long post.

Lauren Hayes
Lauren Hayes 14 Feb 2018

Congratulations first of all! I know exactly how you feel, do you or your OH have any female family members that you are particularly close to that you would enjoy going on your hen do with?x

Susan Coleclough
Susan Coleclough 14 Feb 2018

Congratulations on your engagement. It sounds like you are a bit intimidated by everything when you look at it as a whole. You don't need to choose your bridesmaid yet. As for the hen do ... what about suggesting to your H2B that his mate's partners might want to go on one with you on the same night? If you don't expect too much you won't be disappointed. Anyway, not everyone wants a hen do. Good luck.

Mary Green
Mary Green 15 Feb 2018

Congrats!! what about your H2B partners? You could go on double dates to get to know them & become friendly. Also don’t worry about bridesmaids you don’t have to have them, I’m not! & I doubt I’ll be having a hen do either! If your able to work what about friends from there, even if it’s just a night in or out instead of putting the pressure on that it’s a hen do. Try not to worry about it, life isn’t always the perfect picture than many people portray. You’ll get through it hun! Xx

Sara Hughes
Sara Hughes 18 Feb 2018

I don't have many friends either but I will always have my mam and I've just nicked the rest off my h2b's friends as he knows loads of females xx

Becky Hawkins
Becky Hawkins 18 Feb 2018

I’m sure your other half won’t mind sharing the stag party! My h2b and I have the same circle of friends so they’re doing a stag night with him and a girls night with me (despite all being guys) Don’t worry too much about bridesmaids etc, you don’t have to have them! Have you booked a date/venue yet?

Sarah Pollard
Sarah Pollard 18 Feb 2018

Congratulations 1st on your engagement ....
Sending you lots of love with a hug ((((?? ))))
I'm happy by Facebook private messenger to stay in touch & help with any bits that I learnt whilst planning my wedding ....or just listen ....
I have many friends that suffer with anxiety & panic attacks so realise it's not easy so keep your hen do to small numbers as less draining....
Love Sarah xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Hey, you are not alone. I feel exactly the same and If I’m honest have had a few melt downs. My others half’s family and guest list is about 70 and with my very small family and a couple of friends I’d say I’m pushing 10 invites tops! It’s been a huge source of anxiety for me, so I can feel your pain. Especially with the stag, he seems so excited, which I’m really happy for him, but also makes me think my hen is going to be a pretty much non event. Here if you want to chat and let off some steam.

Nikitta Taylor
Nikitta Taylor 18 Feb 2018

Hey. Congratulations on you're engagement. I don't have many friends. I have 2! I feel like I am boring them constantly with my wedding plans. I'm happy to be here for you and talk and.get.excited with you about you're plans.. xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Get this pretty woman to message ASAP xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

My husband and I had a joint hen/stag with family. We had it during the day so children could attend too xx

Clare Donnelly
Clare Donnelly 18 Feb 2018

Hi I’m the same don’t have any friends and find it hard too. I’ve got a sister but we aren’t close. I’m going to just have afternoon tea with my mum for my hen do. It’s all I want really as I’m not into drinking and partying anyway, I’ve got 2 sons 7month and 2 at the moment. So I’d rather just be with them. My partner isn’t haven’t a stag do either cos all his friends live all over the place. We may go out for a meal together or something. It’s no big deal the hen and stag party. May be go for a pamper day with your mum or on your own just have a chill out day / night. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Same boat unfortunately but I do have sisters, ones only 17 and the other couldn’t give two f***s - it’s crap BUT I have my h2b and he tries ever so hard with the ‘girlie’ stuff it is difficult and different to most people but make of it what you can️

Khati sturley
Khati sturley 18 Feb 2018

Get your mum and your mum in law and go for afternoon tea with prosecco somewhere nice and have a nice relaxing spa day with them, treat yourself to a few treatments and if you've never done it before, you don't know what you're missing!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

My hen doo is just going to be me and my mum and I'm soooo looking forward to it.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

I 100% relate to this. I am the same. I'm not having a hen do as it's not my thing. A while ago I asked a long time school friend (known her since year 1) to be my bridesmaid as she is the only one I considered for it and she basically showed no interest or excitement. We are no longer friends now anyway. For the past few years now she has distanced herself from me anyway and it really sucks because we were best friends. So I'm having a bridesman. You don't necessarily have to have a bridal party (someone I know fully judged me for not having my sisters ) but that's not a compulsory thing anyway. Keep your chin up, it's quite nice to keep plans to yourself, it's what I do. Always here if you want to message and chat more xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

I'm in same boat I have 1 best friend who is my maid of honour and my bridesmaids are my partners side it doesn't really matter if u have bridesmaids or not as for hen do it will be my maid of honour and my bridesmaids I also suffer from anxiety & find it hard to socialise with people do you not have any girls on your hubby to be side that you could ask & invite to hen do having a hen do isn't really a big thing main thing is your getting married to the person you love xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Hey congratulations on your engagement, I know how this feels, I have very few friends but it’s about quality not quantity. I’m so anxious about my wedding day as my h2b has so many friends and family coming and non of my family have even rsvp’d. If you ever want to chat send me a message xx

Gemma Louise
Gemma Louise 18 Feb 2018

Congratulations. I know exactly how you feel I’m in exactly the boat and the friends I do have live 100 mile away I don’t have parents that will be coming to my wedding either. So I’m finding the wedding harder than I thought it would be. No hen do, no maid of honour, no father daughter dance, no mother of the bride, no one to help me with me with dress shopping. But I’m determined to make this wedding the best day of my life regardless of the things I can’t have xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

How about going for afternoon tea with the ladies in your family? I’m doing that as well as a proper one. I’m in a similar boat, I only have 1 really close friend whose my MOH and the rest are Mum friends and friends I’ve met through my MOH recently. I also suffer with social anxiety but I’ve come to realise that if I spend so much time worrying about other people and what they think then I’ll never do anything I want to do. You only live once and you need to be able to enjoy this experience for you, nobody else xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Congratulations!!! Sorry to hear uv no-one to share ur excitement with. If it helps pm me...always happy to chat weddings with like-minded people... we get married in October x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

First of all, congratulations. Does your other half have sisters or sisters in law, do you have any female cousins or even work mates that you are close too. Most lassies would give their back teeth to be a bridesmaid so you may find you make friends with his family. You don't need a fancy hen do, go for afternoon tea with your female relations or share your h2bs stag do. Do you have any hobbies, join an evening class and maybe make friends there.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Why not go out with the female members of you family? Go for afternoon tea, or if you feel better, have them round your house for a drinks games and fun? As for bridesmaids douse your other half have a sister or any nice's your could ask? I know you said you don't have any sisters but do you have any brothers? They could be bridsmen? I hope you managed to get everything you want sorted. Xxx

Shakira Badwal
Shakira Badwal 18 Feb 2018

I was the same. I didn't have a hen do. I had family friends for bridesmaids. I just included my family and other half with the planning xx

Rachel Higgins
Rachel Higgins 18 Feb 2018

Im the exactly the same, im soing in my partner stag do (paintballi ng) with his mates and family. Then im having afternoon tea with my mum, mother in law, sister and the only one best friend i have x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

I really wouldn’t worry, you can be surrounded by family and friends but still feel lonely. I’d say ur lucky as u don’t have to deal with everyone’s bullshit please try not to worry, it’s best to have one true friend than have many friends who aren’t true. Why don’t you go away for the weekend with ur mom or do a spa day? Just remember the day is about u and ur future hubby, screw the rest xxx

Sharon  Fowles
Sharon Fowles 18 Feb 2018

Hunny you are not on your own. I am in same boat.. After my so called best friend of 14years & maid of honour fell out with me could of month ago. I suddenly realise just how few true friends i have... & yesterday my sister in law told me my only brother wont be coming the wedding, even though his daughter is bridesmaid.. because 5yrs ago my dad disowned me, for telling him home truths & he punched me in the face.. So he wont be invited obviously ( my brother has always said he isnt getting involved but now i see he is blatantly taking dads side) but as we haven't seen each other since then, but thats nothing new. I only ever saw them or spoke to them if i made it happen. Never been close. But I had no idea he felt that way... Feels like ive been stabbed in the heart.. But atleast now i know where his loyalty lies, & not found out on wedding day.. People i thought were good friends have booked holidays for same week inspite of having 12 months notice.. We are considering having a "sten" night together.. Thankfully my h2bs family are being more friendly towards me.. lol. Best wishes..

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Congratulations on your engagement. I’m wondering if you have considered working towards improving your symptoms of social anxiety and having your wedding party as a goal to work towards? I don’t know how far off your wedding is, but where ever you are in Britain search for your nearest IAPT service (type it into google along with your home town) they can offer brilliant support around social anxiety and how to manage it! I hope that you have an absolutely wonderful day and I hope that this worry is something you can look back on on the day and think ‘I can’t believe I was worrying about that I have some amazing people around me’” which I’m sure you will! Good luck bride-to-be! Xx

Leanne Templeton
Leanne Templeton 18 Feb 2018

Feeling a bit the same myself if you need a chat feel free to message me x

Joanne Lay-Treen
Joanne Louise Treen 18 Feb 2018

Not all brides have bridesmaids or a hen do. But have you not got some ppl u r close to even family maybe think of afternoon tea or something small u cud enjoy doesn't need to be a massive thing aslong as u r happy. Feel free to add me hun xx

Donna Winter
Donna Winter 18 Feb 2018

There are some lovely comments here. I do have my MOH, a friend from work. Most of our families live a few hundred miles away. It's going beyond the wedding and getting over the anxiety, the wedding has just highlighted things. The first step is knowing things need to change. The day will be amazing, I am sure of that.

Anya Williams
Anya Williams 18 Feb 2018

Congrats on your engagement.

Your reaching out by posting which is a big thing when you have anxiety!

Does your h2b's stags have wife's and girlfriends you could meet?

Maybe do some joint get together before the big day?

A hen do doesn't have to be a big night out....maybe afternoon tea with your nearest and dearest?

Happy if you wanna send a message for a chat, I'm not in the same position, but a friendly ear! X

Rebecca Bagenal
Rebecca Bagenal 18 Feb 2018

I would love this girl to message me! Babe your not on your own!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

See whos in this post that lives close to you and you could meet up and talk weddings. Friendship will stem from that. Instead of having bridesmaids why don't you ask your mother in law to be your MOH. Means she can have more involvement and get excited with you going dress shopping. A hen party is not necessary if your stressing over it. I have a good group of friends but, I'm not fussed about having one. Would much rather be in my pj's with a takeaway.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 19 Feb 2018

Do his mates not have wives/ girlfriends? Some of them may come out with you and it doesn't have to be. crazy, just a meal out etc? You don't need adult bridesmaids.. do you have family small girls? Have a couple of them... ? Xx

Becky Hawkins
Becky Hawkins 19 Feb 2018

I agree with the others!
Where abouts are you from? Maybe a bride to be meet up should happen!

Donna Winter
Donna Winter 20 Feb 2018

Hi following on from the meeting up idea. I made a group if anyone is interested. I'm fairly new at the group thing, so I'm hoping it will work. If any one wants to join, we can share ideas, tips, or just have a general chin wag. Here's the link (I hope)

Tina Webster
Tina Webster 20 Feb 2018

hi where are you? I'm exactly the same :( both my parents are deceased too so I don't even have them around for my wedding either, if ever you need someone to talk to ill be happy to be your friend xxx

Stacey Gray
Stacey Gray 21 Feb 2018

Hi & congratulations i understand how u feel, i dont hwve any friends either, i have 2 sisters but they arent really interested in my wedding, im not having a hen night as i have no one to come, my partner will be enjoying his stag night, i struggle yo make friends and also struggle with anxiety, i am a full time mum and dont work x

Gemma Louise
Gemma Louise 21 Feb 2018

All these brides to be that aren’t able to have a hen do due to not having the friends or anxiety or any other reason think we should all meet up and have bride to be only hen do 😂 xx

Joanne Lay-Treen
Joanne Louise Treen 8 Mar 2018

Get ur close 1s together have a girls day spa afternoon tea


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