Lisa Gwilliam
Lisa Gwilliam 14 Feb 2018

I asked my best friend of 15+ years to be maid of honour ( after weeks of...

I asked my best friend of 15+ years to be maid of honour ( after weeks of her hinting she wanted to do it ) but she’s shown little to no interest what so ever on any ideas etc to do with the wedding planning . I don’t know what to do as I have a feeling if I say she’s no longer being maid of honour she won’t come to the wedding

15 Comments
Kelsey Todd
Kelsey Todd 15 Feb 2018

I had the same issue, my little sister insisted on being maid of honour because she was my sister. So I obliged but she has shown 0 interest in the planning, she just wants to be in a pretty dress on the day and have the title. So, instead I asked my best friend to be my matron of honour, she helps me a lot! My sister is still happy because she's still the maid of honour and I'm happy because I'm getting the help I needed :) hope you find a solution that works for you x

Tracey Selmes
Tracey Selmes 15 Feb 2018

I have a similar situation. My best friend didn't really give me a chance to think about it and blind sided me into having her as my maid of honour. But has been a nightmare since as for one of the dress shopping appointments she didn't show up and the other she was really late! It's a bit harder as I don't have parents so really relying on my friends to help me through the planning. So I pulled my moh to oneside and asked her to choose between getting involved or stepping aside because I really need the support. Once she realised just how much this means to me she started putting the effort in. So maybe have a serious conversation with her and maybe that will be the kick that she needs to start helping. Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Feb 2018

Talk to her about your expectations vs hers. However, you need to be aware that this is *your* wedding to plan, not hers. Perhaps she's just not interested in anything outside of that that directly concerns her. Her life will also continue to happen outside of your bridal bubble, so maybe look at your own behaviour. Check your messages to her, are they all about the wedding? Maybe she's pulling back because of that

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Feb 2018

I don't understand what happens to people with weddings.
I'm lucky that mine are great without any issues

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Feb 2018

At he end of the day a maid of honour isn’t there to plan your wedding. That’s yours & your hubby to he’s job. Just because your wedding is your no1 focus right now it doesn’t mean it’s hers too.
I’m sure if you asked for help with something she’d do it.
I know that I’m the type of person that waits to be asked for help cos I don’t wanna sound like I’m getting in the way xxx

Susan Coleclough
Susan Coleclough 17 Feb 2018

She may just not want to be seen as pushy and waiting for you to ask her to do the things you want her involved in.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Feb 2018

She might just think that she’d be stepping on toes if she tried to arrange and organise things. If you want her to do more then speak to her about it. I’m planning my wedding at the moment but I know my MOH will leave me to let her know what I want her to look after, and what I want to do. In my eyes my hen do is her only responsibility and the actual planning of the wedding is all me.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Feb 2018

Weddings always bring out the worst in people they either over step the mark or don't do anything. Ask her if she still wants to be moh, perhaps she is just waiting to be asked for her help. Maybe she doesn't want to be pushy.

Hazel Cottrell
Hazel Cottrell 18 Feb 2018

Why don’t you talk to her about it?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Ask her what duties she wants .. if she tells you .. then work on it that way.. if she doesnt understand that she has responsibilities with the role .. you'll know she didnt plan on actually doing anything.. that way you know if she just wants the title or actually wants to help and support you .. weddings bring out the best and worst in people unfortunately .. good luck xx

Samantha Cooper
Samantha Cooper 18 Feb 2018

MOH jobs are to keep you sane on the day and plan you an awesome hen party. Me and my MOH are both getting married this year and I am her MOH as well, so we are both wedding mad. Maybe have planned days to discuss wedding stuff and the other days Just be best friends. It's just an idea but it could resolve a lot of issues. Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

What exactly do you expect from her? Are you seriously considering risking your relationship with your best friend just because she's not as excited as you Are about your wedding? There's always two sides to a story...take a step back and think about how often you're going on about your wedding to her; is it always the topic of conversation or do you take the time to see how she is? I think some brides expect way too much from their bridesmaids...she is clearly happy for you since she was the one hinting to be MoH but it can get tiresome to keep hearing about other people's wedding plans, we all have our own stuff going on, I say give her a break.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

You can’t expect everyone to be as excited about your wedding as you are! Try and talk to her to see whether there are any other underlying issues and to maybe tell her that you might need help with some things. If she’s really not interested then you can still make up your mind and she might even understand...

Catherine Burt
Catherine Burt 20 Feb 2018

Maybe you could have a day together and try and find out if there is any issues between the pair of you with the wedding. Maybe see if it's what she actually wants to do or if she has just got caught up in all the excitement. Hope you resolve the issue soon without any problems xxx

Lisa Gwilliam
Lisa Gwilliam 26 Feb 2018

It’s not just about the wedding . In general she doesn’t bother with me any more at all . Says she will pop in for coffee and never does but is always out with other friends of hers . She just seems to have no interest in me at all anymore . It’s hard as she is my children’s auntie as well

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