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UKbride Member Request 11 Feb 2018

My h2b has left his stag night/weekend plans to his best man and he has just...

My h2b has left his stag night/weekend plans to his best man and he has just told me that they’re going abroad for a long weekend for fishing and a night out drinking whilst over there...however, not one member of my family likes fishing and only 1 out of 7 males on my side have a passport. I know the stag weekend is nothing to do with me but it’s bothering me that my brothers/dad etc won’t be able to go. I think it’s unfair to expect people to fork out on a passport just because we’re getting married. People will already have to fork out on outfits/present (if they wish) and money for their drinks at the reception, as well as paying for cabs to and from the venues. I know I sound selfish but It’s really bothering me that my family can’t/won’t be able to go. For my hen night I’m just going to arrange a meal that is local enough to everyone. I don’t get why hen/stag nights have to be a big thing where people have to spend loads of money just because we have decided to get married. Anyone else had this problem?

37 Comments
Susan Coleclough
Susan Coleclough 11 Feb 2018

I am sure it is just that someone has been thoughtless and not done with any ill intent. Surely it can't already have been booked if people's passport details aren't known so it would be possible for them to change if it is brought to their attention. I agree with you that it would be a bit much to expect people to obtain a passport as well as all the other expense that goes with a wedding.

Demi McGarry
Demi McGarry 11 Feb 2018

I agree with Susan. The best man should have asked those questions before deciding x

Nadean White
Nadean White 12 Feb 2018

I think it's up to your h2b to tell the best man his plans need to change. I agree woth you that it's not considerate of the rest of your family so he needs to either change it or risk upset both you and that side of your family x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

My hubby to be ia going away but then havjng a meal with people who cant go away x

Michelle Palmer
Michelle Palmer 13 Feb 2018

I’m having two. Your h2b ovbs wants to go away, so why can’t he have two??

I’m having a afternoon tea and a weekend away. Other half is having a day of activities and a curry.

Just remember it’s about the two of you, I’ve realised planning my own wedding, how much other people think of just themselves!! Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

That would be my OH dream stag do. He wants to go either river or sea fishing. None of my family will be going but end of day the stag do is for the groom and what he wants not about the rest of the family they can help celebrate at the wedding

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

None of our family members came on my hen weekend, it was all friends.
I had a dinner and drinks night more local another weekend so family could come.
Maybe your h2b could do similar?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

The stag is for your h2b, and for him to invite who he wants there. Your family aren't necessarily his first choice for who to spend a stag weekend with. He might just want it to be him and his mates! Also, people don't have to get a passport and spend money on a weekend if they don't want to, they're adults! If they don't want to spend that, they can simply say no. However, if you're upset about something to do with your h2b's stag then there is really only one person you should be speaking to..... Not loads of strangers who don't know either of you or the full story....

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

My husband went to ibiza with his best mates, which my family couldn’t do, however it’s what he wanted so they arranged a curry night when he got back and vice versa his family didn’t come away with me but arranged a girls night when i got back x

Michelle Rew
Michelle Rew 13 Feb 2018

Sorry but I agree with the majority - it's his stag do, to go and do whatever he chooses. Perhaps mention to him it might be nice if he could also do something local so your family members can join in but it's not a must. I'm considering doing a local afternoon tea for older family and friends but not sure if I'll bother yet. Each to their own, but that's my opinion, worry about your own stuff and let him worry about his x

Laura O'byrne
Laura O'byrne 13 Feb 2018

Aside from the passport issue, if your fiancé likes fishing, why does it matter that members of your family don't? It's his stag do 😂 It shouldn't really matter unless they're his friends/groomsmen anyway, if he is close with them and wouldn't want them to miss it then a separate local get together would be a good idea like others have suggested

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

They shud stop this weekend away it’s ridiculous

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

im sorry but its his stag do and id expect ur h2b to be pissed off with u if u tell him he has to change it! they cn do something in england either before or after my h2b is having a weeks holiday n never would i expect him not to cos it might offend my family as i wouldnt change my hen if it offended his family

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

I understand where you’re coming from but if you’re h2b is happy with these arrangements you can’t tell him to change. You’ll have to talk to him and see how he feels.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

Are your family invited though? What if he doesn't want them there? It isn't a must that he invites them, equally if they cant make it they can just say thanks but no thanks

Samantha James
Samantha James 13 Feb 2018

I had my first hen last week with my hens away and this weekend im having a local day/night for everyone to come to. It might be the best way forward for you

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

I didn't have this problem thankfully, as both my husband & I had been invited to hen/stags that we couldn't afford. We told our bestman/MOH that we wanted local gigs so everyone could attend. We also did just one day - I don't understand why stags/hens need to be a whole weekend & abroad....it's needless

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

Im having 2 hen dos and my h2b is probably having 2 stags. Both mine are arranged neither of his are. Im doing one for bridesmaids (9) our mums and my sister in law. That will be a nice cottage weekend. The other is out in the next village and anybody can come and go as they please. X

UKbride Member 13 Feb 2018

Both myself and h2b are going abroad but we know our friends can afford it and are happy to pay. For you i would say you need to speak to him

Roxie Houghton
Roxie Houghton 13 Feb 2018

Lots of people do a weekend abroad and then something more local for those who can't make it! Maybe see if they can also arrange a night out local to you so everyone can be involved? Good luck! X

Sharon  Fowles
Sharon Fowles 13 Feb 2018

I would be upset about it too.. Seems that there wasn't much thought put into the plans, Weddings are about 2 people & their familys becoming 1... I would talk it through with h2b, maybe it was just an over sight due to excitement... Meal with your friends sounds lovely.. i hope it all goes well..

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

His stag do, he decides 🤷‍️ you can’t tell me him to change it!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

They only get to do it once and you might find your family members find it a welcome break! They can always have a few drinks when they come back if it’s such a big issue!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

my family weren't even invited to my husband's stag do! I wasn't bothered. and niether were they! x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

He should have 2. One where everyone can go and one abroad doing what he really wants to do. For most blokes the stag so is the thing they are most excited about, he should do what he wants

Charlotte Mixture
Charlotte Mixture 13 Feb 2018

Surely the stag do should be who your h2b wants to spend time with? I had never really expected any of my family would be invited on my fiancé’s stag! If you’re that bothered maybe just suggest he has a ‘local’ stag that your family could attend?

Katie Pearson
Katie Pearson 13 Feb 2018

Get to have one in the UK as well if it bothers u

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

Because that’s obviously what he wants. My husband Went to Prague for his with 7 of his closest friends. None of my family went. He then had a meal in the uk for anyone that didn’t want/couldn’t go abroad.
I had a one day thing with my girls and family. It’s up to him how he wants to spend his stag. He could have a meal when he’s back for everyone else.
When planning my wedding, I learnt that you will never please everyone so you should please yourself. ️

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Feb 2018

Your h2b needs to.speak.to.best man

Hannah Spires
Hannah Spires 14 Feb 2018

Why can't your husband to away with mates and then have a local stag do when he gets home

Emma Raisborough
Emma Raisborough 14 Feb 2018

Sorry but I agree with a lot of the others. It is his stag do, he can invite who he wants and do what he wants. It is not traditional for any of the brides family to attend, some people just chose to do this if they want to. My H2B had his stag a few weeks ago and he went to Amsterdam with just a few close friends - no family. Most of the hen dos i've been on have also not included any family, same with most stag dos I know of from friends. I invited H2B's sisters, his mum and my mum to mine but I am quite close to them and wanted them to be apart of it.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 14 Feb 2018

Yes unfortunately my son and dad were unable to attend my h2b stag do I also feel it wasn't thought out properly to accommodate everyone. ..so yes I agree if your h2b really wants your family there he will make sure it's a do that will accommodate everyone not just his friends

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 14 Feb 2018

It’s his stag do, if he wants to go abroad then why not, it’s not his fault your family don’t have passports. If they really want to go then they will get a passport, it’s not like it’s a pointless document.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 14 Feb 2018

If they can’t afford to go then they don’t go and that’s the choice as a stag or best man they have to understand not everyone will be able to if you go abroad. Also he may not actually want your family on his stag do and just want some time with his mates...just saying!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 16 Feb 2018

I wonder if the real reason you are so bothered that your family won’t be there is that you want wont have anyone there to keep an eye on him while he’s away? If that the case then that is something you should deal with Alone and not make him lose out because of your worries.

Other than that, he can always have two stag celebrations. His trip away and a meal to include your family in when he gets back.

As you said, it’s his stag do, not yours, and his desires
Come first, I’m afraid.

Holly Marshall-Clarke
Holly Marshall-Clarke 16 Feb 2018

My fiancée is doing two stags - one fir those who can make it / afford it / are fit enough for the activity (which excludes his own dad, FYI) and a second suitable for everyone... Just an idea to suggest?

Stephanie Wood
Stephanie Wood 18 Feb 2018

Personally I think if this is what your H2B wants to do then he should be able to do it. It's his stag weekend and he'll only get to do it once. Mine is going to Barcelona for his because he used to live out there. Not everybody can go and he doesn't expect people to fork out more than they can afford so he's also going to do a pub crawl with other people at home.

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