Hi just looking for any advice really, me and my H2B keep butting heads on who is invited to the whole day and just the evening. My parents are very kindly paying for the venue and have had no problems with them at all! But we have huge families and I’m not as close to mine as he is his so not inviting the majority of mine. We have a total of 120 maximum we can invite to the day. Here’s where we butt heads, I have cut mine down to 46 people and he’s moaning that 74 is not enough for his family and friends, he is inviting people that I’ve never met. I have actually gone out of my way to meet them (for example flying to Paris to meet his French mates) and they cancelled at the last minute and now he’s questioning me on why my work colleagues are invited to the whole day and can’t we just invite them to the evening so he can invite more people. Am I wrong in questioning him about his friends I’ve never met coming? Even though my parents are paying for it. The venue has said we could possibly add more people but it would be a minimum of £1000 to just add 10 more guests due to room. I haven’t told my parents this as they have been amazing and I don’t want them to feel like they have to pay for more room. The awkward bit is, is he’s already asked his friends and I haven’t even sent out invites or got our guest list sorted. Any advice would be much appreciated. TIAx
i would sit him down and explain all this to him, ask him how important all the people are he wants to invite to the wedding are and that if he wants the extra people there then he will have to find the funds to pay for them as you don't expect your parents to pay for people you have never meet.
You need to sit down with him and show him how many people you are cutting out that you would like to come but you are having to make sacrifices. As Simone said above maybe suggest to him that if he wants more people then he can pay the extra for them - not your parents. If he wants his french mates to come I would say it is only fair to invite them for the whole day - it would be quite a bit of cost and travel on their behalf to just come for the evening , but then he has to sacrifice someone on his side - I think you have done enough. If you are close to your work mates they is no reason for him to be saying to you that you can't invite them to the whole day.
Everyone on my guest list knows both me and my other half. We are cutting out peoples partners if we haven't met them, because we are paying for everything and if i haven't said one word to them, then sorry not invited.
You spend 75% of the week with your work colleagues so they become friends! you clearly see them more than he sees his friends if you have never met them before
Sounds as though he's acting like a bit of a brat. I would just say to him that you understand how he is feeling but maybe the simplest and fairest way is to split the total down the middle and each choose half the guest list...you might find this makes him appreciate who he is getting. Good luck.x
Sounds like you've been more than reasonable. Way I see it is do you really want a load of people in the photos you will likely never see again? Probably not. Your parents are paying so unless his family want to spend a load extra to invite loads of people then tough, they will have to get over it. Him telling people they're invited when the guestlist isn't done is really childish, he needs to grow up and compromise. Sit him down and explain about the money and just get a definitive answer.
He’s being really selfish. Does he want a marriage or a wedding? He needs to cut back so it’s time for him to really think who out of his friends and family he wants to prioritise. Have a talk with him.
Put your foot down and set him straight. It’s unfair already that he has 74 and you only 46.. to then moan he doesn’t have enough is a cheek especially when he’s not paying!
Me and my fiance have had no problems like this but are having to cut out people we like just because there's not enough room for everyone invite close friends to the day and the rest to evening if he wo t accept that then I would sit down and think about maybe cutting it down to the bare minimum
Sorry to say this but does he just want to show off most weddings i been to lately have been just family and very close friends who the bride and groom have know for many years and then friends and family in the eveing good luck
Thing is the reality of more people more the venue will cost so the conversation about your parents have their limits and obviously if he wants to invite all his mates that's fine but the extra money on what is agreed in numbers needs to be stumped up by him . I have a huge family and my partner has a huge amount of friends so I had to compromise on the friends so I can fit in the family as my other half has a tiny family so it's only fair he invites his friends to make the sides even looking around 120 for day another 60 or so for evening
I would be telling him that if he isn't willing to budge and wants all these people there then he/his family will have to pay the extra for them. I wonder if all these people will still be invited then! As your parents are paying too I think it's a little disrespectful. Good Luck x
we have this problem with his family also as we both have big families but my day guests are mainly brother and sisters and there families.... but we came to the agreement that family we don't see/or are not close too can come to the evening and the main people come to the whole day... the only friends we have there are friends who are coming long distances.... he's never met my bestie due to distance but I would still have her there... just pick the people your closest too... his family also... hope this helps xx
Me and my other half have literally split the guest list down the middle - we both have huge families so our day do is limited to aunties and uncles, no cousins on both sides. Then my best friend and family are from Ireland so can't invite them over here just for evening, but my other half has been on 3 holidays with me to visit them in Ireland and they all get on really well, so they're kind of for both of us. Then his best man and partner are his friends coming so my other close friend and her partner are being invited. We've made it very equal though he does have slightly more family invited due to his dad having more siblings!
He sounds pretty unreasonable to be fair, my fiancé has a massive family - me not so much, he has tons of friends - me not so much but that doesn’t mean he’s invitingly everyone he’s ever shared a beer with or everyone of his cousins, it’s called compromise and by the sounds of it you have already done so! Maybe ask him to pay the extra out of HIS OWN POCKEY for the extra 10 people!!
Would he be wanting so many if he or his parents were paying? There is such a thing as taking advantage ...
Best of luck and I hope you resolve all issues xxx
It would depend on when you are getting married. Either way you need to sit down and say to your husband, I’ve only got these 46 people coming because I see them regularly and they matter however these 80 almost people you’ve invited you haven’t seen in how long and make no effort to visit us ?
What’s the likelihood that these people will still be your friends in 5 years ?
Frankly, if he is being this petty I would suggest that he has to explain to all the peoples he’s invited without asking that they cannot come due to numbers.
Also potentially I would set him a guest ‘budget’ of no more then 50 and then you’ve between you got 26 places to fill with people who actually matter x
Doesn't sound like he's being fair to me! Our guest list is pretty much 50/50- I have a few extra day and he has a few extra evening. A rule we got told was if you wouldn't be happy buying these people dinner at any other time, don't invite them to the day. Sounds as if he isn't fussed as your parents are paying which is disrespectful and unfair! 74 to the day just for him is crazy anyway, let alone more!
My family is twice the size of my fiancés, but we are on a budget and have agreed most friends come to the evening and the day is mainly family...he is fine with more of my family being tjere in the day cos i just have more lol but has met them, I wouldn't feel comfortable having someone at the wedding that we practically a stranger to one of us xx
I had the same sort of issue, I have a maximum of 58 guests. we have 3 children also so this leave 55 spaces. I have no children coming from my own side but my partners we have. We have also paid for a meal after for the whole day people. This has meant I have 22 from my side and 25 from other half's side. We shortlisted this list but had members of the family moaning end of the day its only going to happen once. Allow the nearest and dearest to be there for the whole day and other people thete for an eve. I think of it as it's mine and hubby to be's day and no one is going to spoil it. May sound harsh.
If he wants more guests then his family can pay for it. Simple as. Honestly I think it’s rude for him to insist on more people when he’s not footing the bill. Marriage is about compromise, you’ve done that by cutting your numbers down, now it’s his turn. Have a sit down and talk with him, explain how unfair it is, explain how uncomfortable you are having people there you don’t know, maybe he’s not fully aware of how much of a problem this is, men can be abit slow and sometimes need things to be spelt out for them. Good luck xx
Tell him he is bang out of order, that's just ridiculous and how dare he invite people before you have both decided, I find this whole thing really strange, I hope you can get it sorted out
You should have half each of the total guest count to start with and if you have a few spaces agree he can take the remaining ones from your share. If he still wants more tell him he will have to pay for the additional guests himself as it's unfair to your parents !
Have you invited plus ones of his friends? I would suggest giving him the option of not inviting their plus ones in order to accommodate for other guests of his and let him decide. I assume you're close to your work colleagues, see each other outside work etc which is why you want to invite them to the day? I think if so you explain how you're feeling he should understand as H2B! X
For our guests list for during the day we have invited mainly close family that we have both met plus a couple of friends each as both have big families. I don't think it's fair for you to cut your list down it should be equal and he shouldn't be inviting people without discussions with yourself first. In an ideal world money would be no object and everyone could be invited all day but marriage is about comprises and you seem to be the only one doing that xxx
We had a if either of us had to be introduced to someone on our big day then clearly they were not close enough to us to be at our wedding... other than possibly extreme circumstances of an aunt etc in Australia! (Not our situation) but you get my drift. My husband had to really cut back as comes from a huge family and he done this by following the above. I felt lucky as coming from a small very close family I didn’t have to make choices
Bloke needs a slap
Was similar for us, I was adamant if they werent involved in my life regularly then they weren't invited but he wanted to invited every one he knew, we set a number, accounted for the bridal party and split rest in half, he still had more than me so we moved a few of his friends who I know to my half and gave him a few more spaces to ask x